The FCKC War with ACI - Part Two: The Incident at The Fair Friday Night

So what actually happened and why is the whole of Northern Virginia’s Karaoke Circuit going buck on Facebook? Here is whahappin…

Friday night several people, including myself, braved the remnants of a tropical storm to compete in the Wild Card Round at Celebrate Fairfax. At the Fair, three contestants sang songs with light profanity in them… songs that included the words “hell” and “damn”.

 What really upset people were two of these contestants, which I have affectionately nicknamed Coyote Ugly and Jelly Pants, won and made it through to the Semifinals despite having broken the official posted rules of foul/questionable language being prohibited… the breaking of said rules supposedly results in the violating contestant(s) disqualification from the contest.. which did not happen obviously.

Now, unless these words are used in the Biblical sense, i.e. “He was damned to the eternal flames of Hell” they are considered swearing. In the context they were used during the songs performed, they are definitely not referring to condemnation to H-E-Double Hockey Sticks. So these people basically swore in front of kids in a karaoke contest at a city fair. Does anybody agree with me on that somehow being wrong and inappropriate?

Now real quick, ya’ll know that I curse like a drunken sailor both in person and on this blog cause Honey Badger don't give a shit… BUT I DO NOT USE BAD LANGUAGE IN FRONT OF CHILDREN. That is where I draw the line. There has to be a line somewhere or we just have nothing but chaos and anarchy.

One of the contestants in particular sang Gretchen Wilson’s Redneck Woman, which is not exactly what a lot of people would consider an uber-family-friendly song that somebody in a karaoke contest should be singing in the food court of a city fair. It’s a little inappropriate and shows a lack of taste and consideration for the children and parents just trying to get a hot dog at the food truck within earshot in the rain of all things.

However, what has everybody’s knickers all a-twisted is the fact that, like I said, there is an official posted rule on the Celebrate Fairfax and ACI website which states:

“1. The semi-final and final rounds are family friendly competitions. Absolutely NO foul

language or questionable lyrics during contestants’ performances or otherwise while

participating in the contest. If you are not sure if your song choice is appropriate, please

email Nikki at Nikki.Robinson@FairfaxCounty.Gov with “Karaoke Competition” in the

subject line and include the following information: your name, phone number, email

address, the name of the song, artist, and version (if other then the original).

2. Songs containing vulgar or explicit sex lyrics will not be allowed. Contestants who, during their performance, use vulgar lyrics or perform in an obscene manner will be disqualified from competition. (Please refer to Semi-Final and Final Competitions Rule #1).”

For those of you who read Anthony’s (Fingaz) posts on Facebook, I don’t know if he deleted this comment before he blocked me but Coyote Ugly and Jelly Pants are associated nicknames I used in my posts on my own profile because I do not know the real names of the 2 ladies we’re going to discuss. Even if I did, I don’t really want to drag their real names into this anyway.

 Coyote Ugly refers to the trendy, rumpled cowboy hat made popular by the characters in the movie Coyote Ugly that the lady who sang Redneck Woman wore during her performance and also when I’ve seen her around at other karaoke shows. 

Here is an example of what I'm talking about.... This style of hat is not flattering on anybody just FYI BTW...

http://www.coyoteuglysaloon.com/store/images/urban_cowboy_hat.jpg

She’s not a very approachable person. She’s really annoying, does not seem to know how to follow directions even on simple things like signing up for a karaoke song at a show (which is part of why I’m still dumbfounded this woman even made it to the Fair), dresses like she thinks she’s more attractive or younger than she is, and also looks kind of masculine. Again, I’m not just basing this on one night. I’m basing this on multiple times of seeing this woman out and hearing her sing, especially one night at Fast Eddie’s Fairfax several weeks ago.

Now, was referring to her as a man-lady very nice? No. But does she kind of look and sound like one? Yes. Her performance at the Fair was very awkward and her vocal quality was severely lacking. She also sang a song with “light” profanity that also talks about things like lingerie from Victoria’s Secret which kind of made people throw up in their mouths a little. I’m sorry but it’s true. The crowd response she got was more from people being appalled and laughing at her than from people who genuinely appreciated her performance.

This is why so many people, including myself were shocked that she won and left wondering if she perhaps slept with the white guy I’m going to refer to as Judge #3 prior to the contest or somehow promised him weird sexual favors after the contest if he picked her. She may have even been related to him. I don’t know. But this is the judge that sank FIVE other people in a tie-breaker over this ONE woman. How do I know this? Because one of the judges straight up told me what happened after the contest was over. Which one? I’ll never tell so don’t bother asking me.

 Jelly Pants refers to the other lady’s liquid leggings she wore during her performance. I call liquid leggings jelly pants because they look like they have been slicked up with KY Jelly and are ready for scuba diving. This is not an insult because I actually think liquid leggings are very cute and have wanted a pair for a while but can never find them.

Boom! Jelly Pants... This bitch is ready for the deep sea diving... Maybe if I'd called her Scuba Pants instead though people would've been less dumb.

http://stylesforless.com/media/catalog/product/cache/1/image/9df78eab33525d08d6e5fb8d27136e95/4/0/405000097386-a.jpg

What’s sad is had I not been in uber-competitive mode I’d probably have asked the lady where she got her pants. She actually sang very well and only cursed one time in her song. I actually saw her sitting in the audience towards the end of the contest and she had changed into some sneakers and put on a hoodie. She looked like somebody’s mom who just likes to sing and is actually very talented, never made it as a professional singer and is now too old to get anywhere, and this is probably a really big deal for her. This woman is me in about 10-15 years so I feel her in ways I can’t even begin to describe.

Anyway, it was actually around then that I was asked by my friend who my picks were if I weren’t in it, my response was “Avi , obviously, Roland, and Jelly Pants over there… but she did curse in her song a little bit so I don’t know.” I really did say that and have witnesses and shut up to any haters who don’t believe me.

Is anybody at least seeing the parallel here though? If you were actually there that night or have seen the two ladies I’m speaking of perform, please let me know if you think I’m off base or wrong here. I got called a bunch of things over this so I just want to make sure I’m being fair and accurate to some extent.

To Be Continued... Get ready for FCKC War Footnote - Miss Slik's Advice On Burning Bridges and BONUS THEME SONG!  and The FCKC War with ACI - Part Three: The Aftermath and Love to Glenn ....

Also in case you've just come in, here is The FCKC War with ACI - Part One