Whahappin During My World of Drum and Bass Adventure?!

So as I mentioned in my first post this week More Adventures in Dating Douchebags... Meet the Dumbass Who Definitely Should've Known Better you get a two post treat because I totally had to get into the craziness that was last Friday night... And I actually kept my promise this time!

Brace yourselves and grab a drink and a snack cause this story is a long one.. Ready? OK... And... GO!

Sooo I am so lame in my old age and rarely ever go clubbing in DC anymore unless there is something I really want to go to... Well, 3D Productions and BADASS Raves teamed up and put on World of Drum and Bass at Cafe Asia in DC last Friday, March 27th. I saw the flyer for it on the table I was sitting at at Transit weeks before and wanted to go.. But I'm so bougey and elitest since I've been in the scene for like 15-16 years now and was a promoter and just cause I'm Niki Slik dammit.. that I won't usually go to anything like that unless I'm guest listed M.I.P. style (Most Important Person.. cause plain old VIP stopped being special once you could pay for it). So I left it up to the universe to make it happen. My awesome pretend boyfriend Juddy aka Data Drop (♡ you Juddy) totally ended up coming through with a ticket for me and a spot in his car. So YaY! Clubby night in DC.

I had not gotten dressed up for a legit party in FOREVER.. So I of course put on a semi slutty short dress and dug out and dusted off my old shit kicker raver Go Go Gadget platform club kid boots with the springs in them that were hidden way in the back of my closet. This party was 18+ and these youngin little ravers always be stepping on my feet. That night I wished a bitch would...

I got ready and tried to eat dinner. But I was too amped to really eat much... That was a BIG MISTAKE... as you will later find out. Believe it or not though I actually made it out the door pretty close to on time.. for me anyway.. and for once, was not the one holding up the show... I drove out to Juddy and Ricardo's place and bullshitted for a bit and then we rolled out.

This was us at the beginning of the night.. Look at us all happy and cute and still remembering shit...

We got to the club around 11:30pm and all these kids swarm because Oh. My. Fucking. God.. It's Data Drop and Naughty Bitz! I'm fucking chopped liver because clearly these youngin ravers just do not know about the legend that is Niki Slik (You should know bitches.. and if you don't know you should learn). I practically had to pry these kids off and drag Juddy and Ricardo inside because I was cold and DJ's I like were playing and we were missing it. 

Good thing I did because SS was playing and he's dope...

 So first, THE PARTY... 

Welcome to the World of Drum and Bass....

That dude on the decks is SS... who actually remembered me from when I was his driver for One Nation in NYC during 4th of July weekend like 11 years ago. When last we had met, he was sitting in the passenger seat of my car laughing his ass off while I chased random girls in pink sweaters down the streets of Manhattan for Shy FX who was in the back seat of my car. 

This is part of why I was every UK DnB DJ's favorite and most requested driver back in the day... chasing down random girls for these dudes in my charge.. along with various other things like driving out of my way to special food places and randomly rescuing stranded DJ's from the DC ghetto and whatnot. I actually wasn't supposed to be a driver for that party though. But something happened to the person who was supposed to drive so I was asked to do it as a favor by my boy who worked for the production company. 

Bear in mind that I had driven up from NoVa that day and missed 90% of the party I had a comp ticket to for being the sole DC promoter for that party that year. I even missed most of one of Ol' Dirty Bastard's last performances before he died. But I am a good friend... So I ushered drivers from the party back to the hotel.. from the hotel back to the party.. to the hotel.. to the party for hours. 

It was awesome though because these were some huge DJ's I loved and had never met.. And here they were in my car. I know. I'm awesome. SS and Shy FX were my last ferry of the night... Well morning at this point. Then I hung out with them at the hotel for a bit while they teased me about John B who I had the biggest crush on that point.. like obsessed (sorry John B).. before going to Brooklyn for the posh after party with my friends and ODB's Entourage... Then onto Queens to meet up with my friends with whom I was staying. It was a long night/day. Anyway, the point is years later SS remembered me... Cause dammit I'm memorable.

Anyway... Bygones... Back to the party...

Which was dope.. 3D and BADASS Raves did a good job as always with this event... at least what I remember of it was dope...

So when we got there, like I said, SS was playing. Now if I have one complaint about this party it would be that I would not have put SS in that particular timeslot. This man has been doing his thing in a big way for 25 years. That is a quarter of a century people... And he's been well known stateside for longer than I've been around in the party scene which, like I said, is 15-16 years now. How could you put him in a slot to basically open for Crissy Criss?! Dude was still in pull-ups when SS began doing said aforementioned big things.

Now, no disrespect to Crissy Criss... But I had to look him up because I had no clue who the fuck he was. Here is the low down courtesy of what I learned on Wikipedia... He is a 27 year old DnB DJ and producer based out of London. His stepfather is Kenny Ken who was a big deal back in the day in case you don't know... Crissy Criss was a child prodigy who has been spinning records since he was 5 (one day my potential future child will do the same) and has been touring since the age of 11... But he didn't really make it here to the US very much, if at all, at least not to this part of the US, cause if he had I'd have probably known him and met him when I worked for John Tab back in the day.

Personally, I thought Crissy Criss was kind of a douche at first.. But then we had a moment comparing pics and shit on our phones. It was nice. So now I think he's a cool dude who is kind of fun. His set was solid for sure... which is to be expected since he's been spinning for like 90% of his life. I think he should be brought stateside more to the DMV on the regular so people can see him again... *Ahem* that was directed you DC, VA, and Bmore production company people.. You should book him again and drag his happy ass back across the pond for your parties cause he's worth it.

I still stand by my statement that SS should have played after him though purely based on tenure out of respect. He is one of the best of the best when it comes to UK DnB DJ's (all you other UK DnB DJ's I know out there do not take it personally cause you know I ♡ you too).. and even just DJ's period. He never disappoints when he plays. It's always high energy and insane. His track selection is on point. He's basically the man...

Like so much so that once he was done spinning he actually got on the mic and MCed Crissy Criss's set. I have got to say that SS is probably one of the dopest MC's I've ever heard. I never knew he had mic rocking skills that sick because in all these years and all those times I've seen him play I do not ever recall him doing that. I'm pretty sure there was an actual MC for the night.. Can't remember nor does it even matter because as far as I'm concerned SS owned that shit. If he'd played after Crissy Criss then I don't think that magic would have happened... So I guess it's all a tradeoff.

After that was Drumsound & Bassline Smith. Simon Bassline Smith's sets are, to me, simultaneously hard and exciting, but still chill and smooth all at the same time. Somehow even when he plays tracks from subgenres of music that I'm not really a big fan of like Dubstep he throws it down in such a way that it works for me and I can groove to it... I feel like that's a mark of a superior DJ. 

He's also just a really adorable person. He's got that kind of sweet British accent and demeanor that just makes you melt and go "Awwww" when he smiles at you and says "Hello Love." He didn't even really remember me. But we're Facebook friends and he totally remembers my dog Felicity from my gazillion posts about her because that bitch is adorable and famous too. 

Hold up! Wait a minute.. Proud dog mommy moment so you understand why she's so famous...

As Simon is such a sweet person and I tend to be on the hyped crazy side when I'm at parties, I limit my interactions with him because for some reason I don't want to annoy him.. which I feel like I would do if I stayed longer than whatever my party craziness containment limit is because he's just so chill.

It was about that time though that my alcohol consumption went up and my memory recollection and inhibitions went down... I couldn't tell you who played before SS and how good it was because I wasn't there. I couldn't tell you who played after Simon Bassline Smith because I don't remember much. I think it was the Prototypes though. But apparently I was way off the chain in ways I don't ever want to know about.

Bear in mind, 6 foot tall lady in a slutty dress bouncing around on a rampage through the club. Now I only paid for 3 drinks myself.. 2 for me and 1 for Juddy. DC drink prices are disgustingly outrageous by the way. Them bitches are $12+ for rail dixie cup sized drinks. It is highway robbery. But I was wearing a short dress on purpose so I wouldn't have to pay for my own drinks. I probably had like 4-5 dixie cup drinks and at least 3 shots.. maybe 4.. which were thimble sized.. which makes them more dangerous. Shots and Niki are a bad combination.. and remember I hadn't eaten enough. Chicks bought me shots. One of them was this girl who remembered me from when we both worked for Buzzlife.. which made me feel special cause at least somebody knew who I was after feeling like chopped liver earlier. She was sweet (shoutout to her).. I definitely know I slammed a dirty shirley and some shot some random dude bought for me shotly before I left though.. It tasted weird and I have no clue what it was. It's possible it was gross rail vodka with a hint of roofie cause generally I can hold my liquor.. even Juddy was surprised because he's seen me drink for years and I've never been so wrecked. But yeah.. I got white boy wasted.

Here are pics from the last of what I remember...

Me and SS...

Group shots with me, Deinfamous, Crissy Criss, and I think that dude in the camo hat is a Prototype...

Me sitting at the back edge of the stage... Yep, so wasted I'm making confused ducky fish faces...

That's about where shit went pear shaped... The rest of the night was all fragments. I remember that for whatever reason everyone I encountered who wasn't already Facebook friends with me needed to add themselves. I also remember that apparently even when I'm wrecked I'm hot because I managed to successfully mack on 2 dudes who were quite a bit younger than me within the space of about maybe 20 minutes before I left the club... One of whom was a dude named Marty Sidorchuck that I don't even remember meeting... But I know it happened thanks to the adding to Facebook (See there was a point to it after all).

The second was this poor dude named Adam (so surprised I did manage to remember him and his name even in my drunken state). He's also known as DJ Globb and actually closed out Transit this past Wednesday. Somehow he or we decided that I was riding with him back to Juddy and Ricardo's place because he was also coming to the after party. Juddy knew him and vouched for him and assured me I was not being kidnapped.

Now I have no clue where this dude was parked but that seemed like the longest walk to a dude's car EVER.. and I was not in the proper footwear to go on urban safari. I remember throwing up A LOT... I remember doing it in front of cops and them asking if I was ok. To which I replied as I finally was getting into his car trying to be all cool and totally not hot, "I'm not OK. He's OK. But I'm not OK.. That's why I'm not driving occifer." Nailed it.

I remember throwing up some more which no doubt was super unattractive.. and Adam telling me I'm awful. I was pissed at the time.. But in hindsight, he was totally right. At that moment, I was awful and fuck me for being so drunk cause it was bad. I've only been that wrecked one other time in my life when I was like 21. That time was way worse than this one because I don't remember most of the night and I actually threw up on random people in the club.. I don't want to remember that ever.. But that night I did somehow manage to convince some dude to buy me and my friend a bottle of Grey Goose in a club.. which is like $200-300 maybe more. I don't remember doing that at all but I wish to God I could because THAT my friends is called "skills".

THE AFTERMATH...

So the next morning I woke up in Juddy's bed.. still in my dress and socks, stockings run to hell, blowing crusty blood out of my left nostril (which still hurts btw), left knee scraped, right ring finger cut up having a Casper in Kids moment like "Whahappin?"

I also had an infinity scarf and brown lighter that aren't mine... and I have no idea where they came from or how I got them. I asked Juddy and he didn't know either. But if they belong to you and you can tell me what happened then maybe you can have them back... Maybe. 

Thanks to my Facebook post about it though, there is now a running joke that I, according to my boy Dave "kicked some ass to get that infinity scarf." It really does look like I did that and I racked my brain trying to figure out if I actually did fight anyone for their scarf. I'm typically not a violent drunk or a klepto though... But then again, I was in rare form that night.

For real, let's do take a moment to fully appreciate the fact that I was obliterated but still managed to not only keep track of all my stuff but got other people's stuff too. I didn't lose anything. I actually gained things. THAT my friends is also called "skills".

After I braced myself for my walk of shame, I went downstairs and even asked the cute little couch crasher raver kids whahappin. They said that I tried to fight them when they were putting me in Juddy's bed (Sorry random raver kids! Thank you for helping. You rock!). I was refusing and kept saying I needed to get home to take care of my dog... which was true.. My poor baby was so good while I was gone though. I've since made arrangements should there ever be another emergency situation when I can't get home so that she will never be stuck like that again because I still feel like such a shitty dog mommy for that. "I need to go home and take care of my dog" was like the theme phrase of my blackout mode though.

So I left... and of course, since my phone was about to die my Google Maps was not working.. But I somehow managed to remember how to get back home without it (Don't be so surprised. I actually have a pretty good sense of direction.) For real though, thank God there is a Starbucks by my place with a drive thru because I desperately needed coffee and food and there was no way in hell I was walking in shame in fucking public.

For real, the guy manning the Starbucks drive thru was super entertaining and seriously made my day. He originally thought they were out of these new double smoke breakfast sandwiches and I really wanted one. This dude magically managed to dig up the last one for me... which I ♡ him for. In the meantime, while I was waiting for my coffee and food, drive thru guy and I were trading stories of wild nights in DC. He said he always manages to lose stuff.. So when I told him about my scarf and lighter I ended up with, his jaw dropped. Pretty sure I'm his hero now.

Anyway, I got home and tended to poor Felicity and proceeded to doctor my wounds. Next thing I know I get a Facebook notification that Marty Sidorchuck has approved my friend request. I'm like "Who the hell is Marty Sidorchuck?!?" I went and checked out his profile and this dude is damn cute.. and I seriously love his name.

For real, I gotta say that while most drunk people get beer goggles and holler at some unfortunate looking people and have these Coyote Ugly moments.. I'm actually the opposite. When I'm drunk I get way more brazen and holler at even hotter dudes than I would normally talk to cause I don't give a fuck. 

I did hit up Marty on Facebook on Monday though because I was hoping maybe he'd be the key to my memory recollection... No dice. He was actually so gone he doesn't even remember how we met either! He's my new fave person though and has enormously benefitted my life this week. Marty is actually the person who prompted the blog revamp because he's the one I sent the old url to and realized it needed to be changed. He was a great sounding board and instrumental in me coming up with MSG2L... So basically Marty Sidorchuck is the jam. Ladies, he's 25, a veteran, really sweet, and super cute. If you live in the Philadelphia area you should hit him up cause he's a catch.

I also managed to talk to the guy who got me out of DC, Adam aka DJ Globb (who I gotta say real quick, is also pretty damn cute too.. Damn I have good taste when I'm wasted) when I was up at Transit on Wednesday. I apologized to him again because I do feel terrible for putting him through that and genuinely do appreciate the fact that he got me from the club to Juddy and Ricardo's in pretty close to one piece. Dude didn't know me and seriously could've just been like "Fuck this bitch" and left me on the street... But he didn't... which makes him awesome.

Unfortunately, poor Adam does remember what happened though and filled me in on some of it.. He was really nice about the whole thing but did tell me if I was going to apologize to anyone it should be his mom because I woke her up. I'm like, "Oh shit! How did I wake your mom up?!?" He was like, "When you were at my house." I'm like "When was I at your house?!?" Do not remember any of this.

Apparently, we stopped by his house on the way back to Juddy and Ricardo's so he could pick up his CD's and whatnot to spin at the after party. I guess I was being loud and woke up his mother. I also asked him how I got cut up and he said we fell down the stairs outside his house. I then sat on his neighbor's bench and asked him to take me home so I could take care of my dog... All of which I believe because it sounds like something I would do... So for real, this goes out to Adam's mom wherever you are...

Mama Globb (I call you this because everyone calls the moms of DJ's by Mama [insert DJ name here] like my mom is known as Mama Slik.. bygones), I wish to deeply apologize for my actions that night and for waking you up. I am truly sorry. You must be a really good mom to raise a son who was nice enough to take care of my drunk ass and not leave me on the side of the road... No matter how badly I vaguely remember him probably wanting to.. So thank you.

But yeah, apparently there is more but Adam said I don't want to know. He's probably right. He also doesn't know how I got the infinity scarf though.. So for real, if anyone who reads this is actually the rightful owner and you want your scarf back then please get at me. In the meantime kids, let this be a lesson to you... or not.. Cause I still had a kick ass night.

The End.

Keep Your Property of HOR Stickers Off Miss Slik's Bitches

So as I mentioned previously in Happy Monday Theme Songs For Your House Party Hangover! I attended a house party this weekend for my boy Max's birthday. Shout outs, Birthday wishes, and also many thanks for hospitality go out to Maximus Decimus Awesomus. 

Now let this be a lesson to you NEVER to fall asleep at any events which I am attending because I CAN AND WILL FUCK WITH YOU. This dude fell asleep in the basement so I decorated him with Christmas lights because I felt like he did not look quite festive enough...

I then posed with my handiwork in true scandalous booty ho fashion as everyone pulled out their cellphones and flashes went off in the dark like I was surrounded by paparazzi. I got tons of high fives for the rest of the night.

Well, I stepped back and began taking pictures whilst admiring my unsuspecting victim when someone had the nerve to put a Property of HOR sticker on him. 

*GASP* What an outrage?!? Hold up, wait a minute! In the words of Honey Boo Boo, you better redneckognize!

I said "Do I look like Jake Komara to you dude?!? I'll thank you to get that HOR sticker off my victim. He is Miss Slik's Bitch not Property of HOR!" He laughed and took the sticker off. 

Now y'all know I heart me some Jake Komara. He is my favorite little piece of scrumptious hotness and teen dream TigerBeat fantasy. 

However... From henceforth the distinction must be made that if I'm the one putting Christmas lights on a person and doing mean things to them for my own personal amusement whilst they sleep then their ass is mine. They have officially been claimed as royal property of my Queendom and not that of the Republic. I guess I will have to invest in stickers of my own so people will know just who is responsible. But until then, get it right or become blog fodder.

This has been a royal decree courtesy of H.R.M. Queen of Fairfax Miss Niki Slik. YaY for me! Woe to the Republic.

More Fun with Neil the Losery Stalker... A War of Internet Mediums

Seems like our good friend Neil just can't help himself today... As mentioned in my previous post Fun with Neil the Losery Stalker! Neil threatened to blow me up on his radio show... which he made good on... sort of.. I think I'm supposed to be this Viki Slick person he talks about even though it's not my name. Though it is very hard to tell through all the heavy mouth-breathing like psychopaths do on the phone... I feel like he should be doing the voices of Simpsons characters at the comic book shop.

It's called Elektron Radio - Taking out the trash on Viki Slick and all I can say is I got served yo... Again, Leslie Chow jacking off dice rolling hand gestures... One of my favorite parts was when he said I looked like a man and a drag queen. Neil, drag queens are fabulous and maybe the reason you're not quite sure what a woman looks like is because no woman has ever wanted to touch you in your special place.. probably because they couldn't find it. 

Oh, another priceless part was the throwback shout out to Larry Ho when he said he didn't want to end up back in jail with rapists and murderers... Let's not forget psycho stalkers who harass young, attractive women at their places of employment. Those fuckers end up in prison too... Though somehow I have a feeling you're headed for a psych ward instead.

I also loved the part where he said no one was reading my blog and I "look like a goddamn fool"... Now first, you should not take the Lord's name in vain Neil! Second, I have to give credit where credit is due. Jake Komara aka Reed Rothchild, you are the fucking man and you rock and I heart you for being awesome! I honestly can't thank you enough for sharing my articles and getting my obscure little blog noticed by people who are now reading it and liking it. It honestly is overwhelming. This is a massive part of why you have become my favorite person/Tigerbeat crush of the week and endeared yourself to me.

Neil also unblocked me on Facebook so he could tag me in the post...

Not sure which part annoys me more... Him spelling my name wrong or calling me a bitch because of his mistake. All I could think was "Oh No he didn't!"

I at least let him know say my name fat fuck boy. Get it right!

Also, I noticed when he unblocked me he had posted a status update about HOR and Jake that I got a slight kick out of...

I've got news for you Neil. Jake and HOR are not writing anything about you anymore. I am! You started this shit because you felt the need to stalk my DJ profile and be a dumbass fucktard since you have way too much time on your hands and are batshit fucking crazy... and you just keep going and putting yourself out there and embarrassing yourself more. That's why you're a target. Stop getting so fucking hyper and try chilling out. You should've replaced meth with weed... though that would not help your weight problem. My suggestion would be quaaludes if they still existed.

Does the URL of my blog say Head of Rothchild? No, it does not. All Jake is doing is passing along info, pics, sharing my posts, laughing at your psychotic behavior and stupidity, sending me backup screenshots, and actually defending himself because you keep attacking him and blaming him for things that he did not do. 

However, I will say that Neil, you are still, and always will be Property of HOR. I'm just renting you for a few days for my own amusement and entertainment like I would a movie or a bouncy castle. After that you go back.

Fun with Neil the Losery Stalker!

So judging by the overwhelming response to yesterday's post Who the F Dares to Troll Miss Slik? it would seem everybody in the world pretty much thinks Neil is as much of a hysterically entertaining, giant toolbag as I do. Let's keep going because he just can't seem to contain himself...

As it turns out, a slight retraction may be in order. Neil is no longer a meth addict. He quit doing meth several years ago... just not in time to keep the drugs from warping his brain. He's gone fucking batz-maru permanently... which is quite sad when you think about it. Kids, please don't do drugs. You don't want to end up like Neil.

But apparently Neil is still clinging to his drugged out meth head days because the pics on his profile are from way back then. He's nothing but a shadow of his former self... in fact, it looks like he ate his former self... along with all the fried chicken and Doritos and cake in the state of Virginia. 

Here are a couple pics courtesy of Jake from HOR that are disturbing to say the least...

Not only that, but it turns out he's no longer welcome at Transit in Fairfax because he creeped everyone there out so much they had to repeatedly remove him from the premises... which could not have been easy considering his sheer size. Seems every person in Northern Virginia actually has a story about why they hate Neil and did not hold back from telling me. I felt like I should've been taking notes.

We all had a good laugh last night at Neil's expense when he discovered my blog post. He tagged me asking that I take down my post while making weak threats to blast me on his radio show nobody listens to... Cause yeah, threatening me in any way is what will make me do exactly what you want like I'm soooo scared of you and your wack show. Makes Leslie Chow jacking off dice rolling hand gestures...

Neil is known for having multiple Facebook accounts. Turns out he had friended me on at least 2 of them.. and then blocked me... and then unblocked me...

Yeah, actually turns out I do know Neil by the way... For any of you who don't know how people know who I am in the DC rave scene, I got my start working as a doorgirl for District Junglist League while I was trying to be an MC back in the day. I'm an awesome singer. But, honestly, I was a terrible MC.. not because I can't flow.. but more because I had the worst stage fright and could not freestyle for shit... I was an excellent doorgirl though at 17 which I thought was awesome because I wasn't even old enough to be there... and I was the only reason anybody ever paid that $5 cover at Sunday Night Sessions.

After Ackshun and I had our first falling out for reasons I'm sure would not surprise anybody, I went to work at Buzz selling CD's for the Syndicate and then John Tab in exchange for VIP bands because I was still trying to be a vocalist for DnB tracks, which you need to meet people who produce DnB in order to do. Obviously, nothing much came of that either. However, turns out I was an excellent CD seller. It's how I became John Tab's Gal Friday/Intern and also Head of Vending for Buzzlife.

I used to help John with Alias and also the Rubik room at Buzz once they bumped us upstairs prior to the coup d'etat where I, then John, were ousted by people who I guess believed the rumors that the private meetings between John, Scott, and I to discuss sales totals and merchandise were really some conspiracy theory discussion of how I was being groomed to take over being in charge of Buzzlife. The most I ever was aware of was John was training me to help him out and oversee some things for him when he couldn't be there. However, had the rumors been true, I'm pretty sure Buzzlife would still be a real thing and not what it is today. Just a sidenote and bygones I'm obviously still a little bitter about.

Anyway, Neil used to come up to Alias and creep everybody out there too. I really was always nice to him and probably the only person who ever talked to him instead of treating him like just some stupid loser... Apparently, this is the thanks I get.

Who is Viki? I think you mean Niki and why are you coming to my work Neil?



A lot of people list their place(s) of employment on their private profiles. It's not an invitation for stalking. I definitely never invited him to come to my work.

I know a lot of people on that list. Not sure where it came from.

Neil really seems to think he's sticking it to Jake doesn't he?!

Again, who is this Viki person? My name is NIKI and has been since birth thanks to my parents. The story of why is in my About Me section. For real, I don't think I'll be shooting Neil today. I think I'd need an elephant gun or harpoon to take down an animal of that size anyway. But I really could beat him up assuming my fists and feet do not get stuck in his many fat rolls... or I could just simply outrun him. I also seriously will call the cops and file a restraining order if Neil shows up here though. 

Neil blocked me right after that so Jake was kind enough to send me screenshots of the stuff I missed.... 

Jake's last comment about him always being property of HOR is my favorite part of this thing. So glad he saved it for me so I could read it. Thanks Jake!

Stay tuned for Part 2 because there is more fun from today already... Neil is seriously spewing his crap out faster than I can post it up on the internet for everyone's amusement.



Who the Fuck is this Bottom-Feeding Losery Stalker Groupie Douche?!?

So apparently I did not get the memo that today is National Act Like a Douchey Fucktard Toward Niki Slik Day.. I'm already dealing with some other bullshit and this wackass fucker decides to stalk my semi-abandoned DJ profile and post comments that, while I find amusing, are just extra.

The first one was this below.. which I'm not mad at. In fact, I take it as a compliment. I am fine as fuck and I know lots of dudes who'd love to get up in my ass because I have a nice ass. However, it is somewhat inappropriate to post on my DJ page. If you're really trying to get it, that is something you should privately message me about. Just sayin.

However, the second comment he made several minutes later was what made me be like What. The. Fuck? I deleted if off my page and then kicked myself for not screen-shotting it first. But thank God for email that even includes pics. Nothing you post on the internet is ever really gone.

Technically, he's not wrong... It's just that any time prior to today when a dude has called me something like that, it's typically been behind closed doors while I had a mouthful of their cock and was meant in a much more loving, encouraging way. I tend to call them thoroughly degrading names as well while they return the favor... also out of love and encouragement because dudes like that shit. It's all in good fun.

 For real though, can't I be both an iconic social figure and a dick-slurping whore? I consider myself both and I don't think that's a bad thing. A lot of men would find that awesome and it explains why I'm such a catch. What dude can't appreciate a multi-talented woman with a massive love of giant D? Any dude who has been on the receiving end of my fellatio seems to love that about me.

I'm pretty sure dick-slurping whore is actually listed among my many credentials. If not, I'll take that oversight under advisement. But obviously this talent and fondness is more of a recreational past time than one I've used for business purposes to advance my music career. I do kick myself for not being more of a dick-slurping whore in the rave/club scene though because I'd probably be a super famous world-touring DJ and producer by now if I had been... or at least a lot further along than I am.

Anyway, here is this dumb fucker's Facebook profile...

He's actually somewhat tragic looking with bad skin, kind of a jacked face, and an outdated emo haircut.

I'm just trying to figure out who this dude is and why he felt the need to internet stalk my DJ page to make comments. Clearly I must be an iconic social figure who has truly reached at least D-Level celebrity status to necessitate stalker groupie activity. 

 It's pretty obvious he has a small penis. I'm wondering if maybe I refused to slurp his dick based on the inadequacy of his endowment and laughed in his face while I was drunk because he asked me if it was big enough for me like he expected it was the biggest dick I've ever seen (like the Mayor of Titty City) or something thus offending him to the point he felt the need to stalk my page and embarrass me I guess. I'm actually trying to be better about that.

It seems further investigation is required so I will be tagging the 2 mutual friends I share with this random, small-dicked loser fan to see if they can perhaps shed some light on what this dude's major malfunction might be. Funny thing is, I'm not exactly sure how I know both of them either.

Happy Tuesday People! Theme Songs Dedicated to Michael Jackson!

Today is the 4 year anniversary of the death of the King of Pop, Michael Jackson. There is no denying 2 things about Michael Jackson: 1) He was super weird and had some serious deep-rooted issues and 2) He was an extremely talented musician who put out some of the most ridiculously epic, supremely awesome songs EVER!

I've personally been a fan of his since I was a little kid. One of my fondest, happiest memories I have of my childhood was dancing with my dad in the dining room to this song while it was playing on the radio...

And being dazzled by the light up sidewalk in Billie Jean...

I also learned all the words and the dance moves to Thriller. This video used to scare the bejesus out of me...

And I remember sitting in my living room with my parents watching the premiere of Black or White on broadcast TV when Macauley Culkin was still relevant (and apparently allegedly being molested along with Wade Robson... but we won't get into that)...

One of the first CD's I ever got was HIStory: Past, Present, and Future and my little brother Ian and I bounced around the living room listening to Scream on perma repeat pretending to be Michael and Janet because I made him learn how to do the dance for that too...

But as an adult, there are only 2 songs that endure as my all time favorite MJ jammies...

The first is Dirty Diana. Every time I hear it I can't help but stop what I'm doing to sing along and slow groove in place to it...

And my supreme favorite that I actually made a breaks remix of because I LOVE it that much... Keep It In the Closet...

 

Here is my remix posted on my Sound Cloud profile if you feel like listening to it... Keep It In The Closet With Remixmaster Slik

BOOM... R.I.P. MJ <3

Sad Monday My People.. Theme Songs Dedicated to My Girl Abby and in Loving Memory to Her Brother Erin

It's a sad day my people. Unfortunately, this weekend one of my closest friends Abby lost her older brother Erin. He was taken from this world way to soon. I understand that when God decides he wants to call you back home, you don't get the option to hit ignore on your smartphone. However, I will never understand why God decides to take good people away from other good people who love them at such a young age. You see, Erin was only in his 30's.

I had the good fortune and distinct pleasure to have known Erin as well for a brief time and spent one super kick ass Labor Day Weekend/my 29th Birthday Weekend with him in Gettysburg last year. If you've ever heard me say "Good thing I didn't forget to put extra glitter on my vagina!" that was actually a phrase coined by Erin.

Erin was a good dude... a super fun and incredibly unique individual, a loving, caring and devoted brother, son, father, and friend. He and his sister Abby are two peas in a pod as she is incredibly fun, unique, loving, caring, and devoted as well.

My heart breaks for Erin, Abby, and their entire family. I hope you fine interwebz people will join me in extending my sincerest and most deeply felt love, prayers, and condolences to Abby and her family.

So, today the theme songs are dedicated to Erin and Abby...

This first batch is for Erin....

First, a song that came immediately to mind when I spoke with Abby this morning...

Billy Joel - Only The Good Die Young

Next, a song which Erin played for me the morning he told me not to forget to put extra glitter on my vagina. This was a song he and Abby used to laugh about together...

You Can Touch My Boobies

Also, a song that will forever remind me of Erin because we met Terrance Zdunich aka Graverobber from Repo! The Genetic Opera at HorrorFind Weekend... All the ladies and even a good amount of the men got giddy over Terrance because I'm pretty sure they wanted him to inject his zydrate into a certain part of their anatomy. Erin is the one who got the closest because he caught a peek at Terrance's junk in the men's room. Priceless moments...

Zydrate Anatomy

Finally, a song that Erin and Abby would sing together at karaoke when he would come out with her... He and I actually did a duet together at Skaraoke during HorrorFind Weekend..

So here is Erin's and my rendition of The B52's - Love Shack...

R.I.P. Erin... You are already definitely being missed dude.

This next batch is for Abby. Honey, if any of this puts a smile on your face for even a split second today then I will feel like I somehow did my job as your friend.

I met Abby at karaoke a few years ago. Abby, our friend Leah, and I are the Superstar Karaoke Divas. Abby has the most amazing voice and she can kill some Paramore like it's her freaking job. Paramore is extremely hard to sing just FYI.

This is her main go-to song and if you have heard or ever do hear her sing it you know that I'm not lying about how good she is...

Paramore - Decode

Also, Abby I promise I will finish learning how to play this song on guitar like you asked me to... and once I do then I will teach you how to play it...

Paramore - The Only Exception

Next is a song I make Abby sing for me whenever I can get her to because she does it so well...

Flyleaf - All Around Me

Now here is the song Abby always makes me sing for her whenever she can get me to...

Lady Gaga - Poker Face

Finally... Girl, you know I had to take it there....

Styx - Mr. Roboto

I love you Abby and I've got your back. I know it doesn't seem like it now, but you will get through this. Pretty sure you've said that exact same thing to me and you were right. You were also there for me every step of the way just like I will be there with you. <3 <3 <3