Miss Slik Would Be a Slutty CSW for the Head of Rothchild...

Just in case you didn't know, my new little crush is Jake Komara aka Reed Rothchild. I had some very lovely chats with him whilst discussing Stalker Neil and I've been feeling all 12 year old Tiger Beat Teenybopper ever since... especially because I managed to confirm that he is single. Game fucking on...

And cue Marvin Gaye as I attempt to publicly put the moves on Jake via the interwebz...

You know what I love about this picture? He's so relaxed in this "Come hither girl" sort of pose.. You know what they say about DJ's right? They're good with their hands. 

It's actually this pic of him grilling the CDJ that did it for me though. I really do need a towel to wipe my leg every time I look at it...

I'd let him scoop me in a hearse too. It's different... very Adam's Family meets rap video since it's white... Could be hot in a semi-morbid way to get it on in one... provided there were no coffins with actual corpses in the back of course.

This one is also very scrumptious. I'm diggin the gun tattoos. Obviously as a gun owner I tend to dig gun-related things.. except crime because that is bad. (Correction: I was informed the morning of 8/21/13 by my Facebook friend Alan that those are actually bacon tattoos. I like that better because I heart bacon. It adds to Jake's scrumptiousness factor.)

He changed his hairstyle recently and now he looks sort of like Eminem. For some reason though the Real Slim Shady still does it for me in a major way. 

Sadly, he ended his blog HOR a couple weeks ago. I have invited him to guest on my blog though any time he feels the inclination to write again. Hopefully he will take me up on it. In the meantime, let's see if this post gets him to come down to Virginia. 

He's got a thing for Uncle Julio's Rio Grande. Y'all know Mexican food is my jam and I moved to this location 5 years ago specifically because of its proximity to Rio Grande in psychic anticipation of this situation. I'm trying to get him to take me out for some pork tamales. It needs to happen. 

Keep Your Property of HOR Stickers Off Miss Slik's Bitches

So as I mentioned previously in Happy Monday Theme Songs For Your House Party Hangover! I attended a house party this weekend for my boy Max's birthday. Shout outs, Birthday wishes, and also many thanks for hospitality go out to Maximus Decimus Awesomus. 

Now let this be a lesson to you NEVER to fall asleep at any events which I am attending because I CAN AND WILL FUCK WITH YOU. This dude fell asleep in the basement so I decorated him with Christmas lights because I felt like he did not look quite festive enough...

I then posed with my handiwork in true scandalous booty ho fashion as everyone pulled out their cellphones and flashes went off in the dark like I was surrounded by paparazzi. I got tons of high fives for the rest of the night.

Well, I stepped back and began taking pictures whilst admiring my unsuspecting victim when someone had the nerve to put a Property of HOR sticker on him. 

*GASP* What an outrage?!? Hold up, wait a minute! In the words of Honey Boo Boo, you better redneckognize!

I said "Do I look like Jake Komara to you dude?!? I'll thank you to get that HOR sticker off my victim. He is Miss Slik's Bitch not Property of HOR!" He laughed and took the sticker off. 

Now y'all know I heart me some Jake Komara. He is my favorite little piece of scrumptious hotness and teen dream TigerBeat fantasy. 

However... From henceforth the distinction must be made that if I'm the one putting Christmas lights on a person and doing mean things to them for my own personal amusement whilst they sleep then their ass is mine. They have officially been claimed as royal property of my Queendom and not that of the Republic. I guess I will have to invest in stickers of my own so people will know just who is responsible. But until then, get it right or become blog fodder.

This has been a royal decree courtesy of H.R.M. Queen of Fairfax Miss Niki Slik. YaY for me! Woe to the Republic.

Happy HumP Day Theme Songs!

It's been a minute since my last post. I've been dealing with things and living my life because that is how I find things to write about that you might actually find entertaining and/or interesting. Anyway, theme songs for today...

It's hump day and today I'm feeling semi-ratchet so let's get to this...

First up is a joint by DMV's own Wale. I was listening to iHeart Radio a couple weeks ago and this song came on. It's the jam.

The next one is by Ca$h Out. I heard it this morning while I was getting ready for work. It makes me want to wobble and do 3 point stands...

 

This one by Travis Porter also makes me want to wobble and do 3 point stands. Of course, everything Travis Porter pretty much makes you feel like you should be stripping for tips while somebody makes it rain...

Now y'all know I love me some 2 CHAINZ! This song he did with Michael Posner sort of takes me back because I guess I used to be that girl. I wouldn't call myself a "DJ Ho" persay. Others used to call me that but it's rather inaccurate. I preferred to think of myself more as a "DJ Special Friend Who Had A LOT Of Intelligent and Interesting Conversations". But once I became a DJ myself, neither term applied anymore because then it's just 2 DJ's getting it on. If anything, I'd have been a CSW trying to use them to get famous. However, as discussed in Who the Fuck is this Bottom-Feeding Losery Stalker Groupie Douche?!? I didn't take full advantage of those situations perhaps they way I should have. Anyway, the song...

Finally, this next song by Jay-Z and Justin Timberlake actually resonates with me in my lust for fame with my barely existent DJ career and also with this tiny, obscure blog. Fame and Celebrity are such a ellusive, fickle hookers that you wish you could buy but are lucky if you're able to rent...

BOOM! Stay tuned. Who knows what the day might bring?



More Fun with Neil the Losery Stalker... A War of Internet Mediums

Seems like our good friend Neil just can't help himself today... As mentioned in my previous post Fun with Neil the Losery Stalker! Neil threatened to blow me up on his radio show... which he made good on... sort of.. I think I'm supposed to be this Viki Slick person he talks about even though it's not my name. Though it is very hard to tell through all the heavy mouth-breathing like psychopaths do on the phone... I feel like he should be doing the voices of Simpsons characters at the comic book shop.

It's called Elektron Radio - Taking out the trash on Viki Slick and all I can say is I got served yo... Again, Leslie Chow jacking off dice rolling hand gestures... One of my favorite parts was when he said I looked like a man and a drag queen. Neil, drag queens are fabulous and maybe the reason you're not quite sure what a woman looks like is because no woman has ever wanted to touch you in your special place.. probably because they couldn't find it. 

Oh, another priceless part was the throwback shout out to Larry Ho when he said he didn't want to end up back in jail with rapists and murderers... Let's not forget psycho stalkers who harass young, attractive women at their places of employment. Those fuckers end up in prison too... Though somehow I have a feeling you're headed for a psych ward instead.

I also loved the part where he said no one was reading my blog and I "look like a goddamn fool"... Now first, you should not take the Lord's name in vain Neil! Second, I have to give credit where credit is due. Jake Komara aka Reed Rothchild, you are the fucking man and you rock and I heart you for being awesome! I honestly can't thank you enough for sharing my articles and getting my obscure little blog noticed by people who are now reading it and liking it. It honestly is overwhelming. This is a massive part of why you have become my favorite person/Tigerbeat crush of the week and endeared yourself to me.

Neil also unblocked me on Facebook so he could tag me in the post...

Not sure which part annoys me more... Him spelling my name wrong or calling me a bitch because of his mistake. All I could think was "Oh No he didn't!"

I at least let him know say my name fat fuck boy. Get it right!

Also, I noticed when he unblocked me he had posted a status update about HOR and Jake that I got a slight kick out of...

I've got news for you Neil. Jake and HOR are not writing anything about you anymore. I am! You started this shit because you felt the need to stalk my DJ profile and be a dumbass fucktard since you have way too much time on your hands and are batshit fucking crazy... and you just keep going and putting yourself out there and embarrassing yourself more. That's why you're a target. Stop getting so fucking hyper and try chilling out. You should've replaced meth with weed... though that would not help your weight problem. My suggestion would be quaaludes if they still existed.

Does the URL of my blog say Head of Rothchild? No, it does not. All Jake is doing is passing along info, pics, sharing my posts, laughing at your psychotic behavior and stupidity, sending me backup screenshots, and actually defending himself because you keep attacking him and blaming him for things that he did not do. 

However, I will say that Neil, you are still, and always will be Property of HOR. I'm just renting you for a few days for my own amusement and entertainment like I would a movie or a bouncy castle. After that you go back.

Fun with Neil the Losery Stalker!

So judging by the overwhelming response to yesterday's post Who the F Dares to Troll Miss Slik? it would seem everybody in the world pretty much thinks Neil is as much of a hysterically entertaining, giant toolbag as I do. Let's keep going because he just can't seem to contain himself...

As it turns out, a slight retraction may be in order. Neil is no longer a meth addict. He quit doing meth several years ago... just not in time to keep the drugs from warping his brain. He's gone fucking batz-maru permanently... which is quite sad when you think about it. Kids, please don't do drugs. You don't want to end up like Neil.

But apparently Neil is still clinging to his drugged out meth head days because the pics on his profile are from way back then. He's nothing but a shadow of his former self... in fact, it looks like he ate his former self... along with all the fried chicken and Doritos and cake in the state of Virginia. 

Here are a couple pics courtesy of Jake from HOR that are disturbing to say the least...

Not only that, but it turns out he's no longer welcome at Transit in Fairfax because he creeped everyone there out so much they had to repeatedly remove him from the premises... which could not have been easy considering his sheer size. Seems every person in Northern Virginia actually has a story about why they hate Neil and did not hold back from telling me. I felt like I should've been taking notes.

We all had a good laugh last night at Neil's expense when he discovered my blog post. He tagged me asking that I take down my post while making weak threats to blast me on his radio show nobody listens to... Cause yeah, threatening me in any way is what will make me do exactly what you want like I'm soooo scared of you and your wack show. Makes Leslie Chow jacking off dice rolling hand gestures...

Neil is known for having multiple Facebook accounts. Turns out he had friended me on at least 2 of them.. and then blocked me... and then unblocked me...

Yeah, actually turns out I do know Neil by the way... For any of you who don't know how people know who I am in the DC rave scene, I got my start working as a doorgirl for District Junglist League while I was trying to be an MC back in the day. I'm an awesome singer. But, honestly, I was a terrible MC.. not because I can't flow.. but more because I had the worst stage fright and could not freestyle for shit... I was an excellent doorgirl though at 17 which I thought was awesome because I wasn't even old enough to be there... and I was the only reason anybody ever paid that $5 cover at Sunday Night Sessions.

After Ackshun and I had our first falling out for reasons I'm sure would not surprise anybody, I went to work at Buzz selling CD's for the Syndicate and then John Tab in exchange for VIP bands because I was still trying to be a vocalist for DnB tracks, which you need to meet people who produce DnB in order to do. Obviously, nothing much came of that either. However, turns out I was an excellent CD seller. It's how I became John Tab's Gal Friday/Intern and also Head of Vending for Buzzlife.

I used to help John with Alias and also the Rubik room at Buzz once they bumped us upstairs prior to the coup d'etat where I, then John, were ousted by people who I guess believed the rumors that the private meetings between John, Scott, and I to discuss sales totals and merchandise were really some conspiracy theory discussion of how I was being groomed to take over being in charge of Buzzlife. The most I ever was aware of was John was training me to help him out and oversee some things for him when he couldn't be there. However, had the rumors been true, I'm pretty sure Buzzlife would still be a real thing and not what it is today. Just a sidenote and bygones I'm obviously still a little bitter about.

Anyway, Neil used to come up to Alias and creep everybody out there too. I really was always nice to him and probably the only person who ever talked to him instead of treating him like just some stupid loser... Apparently, this is the thanks I get.

Who is Viki? I think you mean Niki and why are you coming to my work Neil?



A lot of people list their place(s) of employment on their private profiles. It's not an invitation for stalking. I definitely never invited him to come to my work.

I know a lot of people on that list. Not sure where it came from.

Neil really seems to think he's sticking it to Jake doesn't he?!

Again, who is this Viki person? My name is NIKI and has been since birth thanks to my parents. The story of why is in my About Me section. For real, I don't think I'll be shooting Neil today. I think I'd need an elephant gun or harpoon to take down an animal of that size anyway. But I really could beat him up assuming my fists and feet do not get stuck in his many fat rolls... or I could just simply outrun him. I also seriously will call the cops and file a restraining order if Neil shows up here though. 

Neil blocked me right after that so Jake was kind enough to send me screenshots of the stuff I missed.... 

Jake's last comment about him always being property of HOR is my favorite part of this thing. So glad he saved it for me so I could read it. Thanks Jake!

Stay tuned for Part 2 because there is more fun from today already... Neil is seriously spewing his crap out faster than I can post it up on the internet for everyone's amusement.



Who the F Dares to Troll Miss Slik?

So as promised, I have investigated the situation from Monday's blog post Who the Fuck is this Bottom-Feeding Losery Stalker Groupie Douche?!?. I tagged the 2 people who were mutual friends in my Facebook update and look what happened!

Wow right? OK...

Here is a list of our suspects:

1. My ex-best friend and/or someone who knows her. A couple of people have suggested she may be the one responsible but I don't think it's her. She'd come at me way harder than this. Anybody who really knows me would know how to push my buttons in a major way. They also know I'd just laugh at being called a cock-slurping whore... which is exactly what I did.

2. Andy Welch

He has not responded to me which could mean it's him but I doubt it. This kid just doesn't strike me as the uber dramatic type. Maybe I'm wrong though.

3. Neil Akkor

Scrutinize momentarily and hold those thoughts I can tell you all are thinking right now because we will come back to him in a second.

4. Jake Komara aka Head of Rothchild

Neil accused Jake of being the one. I know for a fact it wasn't Jake and HOR. I made a call and got that shit confirmed. Had it been though I'd have probably taken shit down and let it get handled. We share a mutual friend who would go and has gone to bat for me. Out of respect for him I wouldn't add fuel to the fire. It's not good for business.

Besides, look at this picture and tell me that little piece of scrumptious hotness doesn't make you think some naughty thoughts. If he'd called me a cock-slurping whore it would be like foreplay. Pretty sure he'd mean it in a loving, encouraging way though. For real, he's grilling a CDJ. I loathe CDJ's with a fiery, burning passion. This picture makes me moist in my panties area and I think I need a towel to wipe my leg. More on that later.

So who is our culprit? Well I'm pretty sure it's Neil Akkor. Dude is a meth addict with way too much time on his hands and it's mad convenient that he jumped to pinning it on Jake with such a quickness. Meth addicts are super calculating and manipulative. They come up with some crazy plans. Pretty sure he didn't count on it backfiring though.

Not only did Neil comment on my status update, he also hit me up immediately in a private message and went on and on and on and on....

Really, why would he? I think I'm awesome but in real life I'm really not that cool and I don't fit the usual type of people HOR has gone on.

Why Neil? Do you want to take me on a date?

No clue what the fuck Elektron Radio is nor do I really care unless I'm being booked for it. Not sure I'd feel too comfy in your mom's basement though without my gun. Sounds like I've been lo-jacked and targeted to be made into a Niki suit. It rubs the lotion on it's skin. It does this whenever it's told. 

Wow... That's extra.

Of course you do. That's why you've been stalking me... It's for my own protection right? Seriously, again, this is why I own a gun. I've also been taught self-defense by dudes in the USMC and Army so you can get fucked up like we're in the Octagon if you creep on me.

Pre baught? What the fuck does that mean? Did meth addicts come up with their own language? At this point I was making Leslie Chow jacking off dice rolling hand gestures. I don't want to meet up with this dude. No thumb drive of anything is that worth it to me. Besides, I have other avenues and means.

Because WOW.. What kind of credible information could you possibly provide me about anything?

Good Lord... OK kids, this piece of advice is for everyone.. DO NOT EVER DO DRUGS!!! Cause for real.. WOW!!!!

Yeah, here is my theory on who trolled me... I believe that Neil realized I write a blog that targets douchebags who fuck with me, creep me out, annoy me, or piss me off. What better way to exact revenge on someone you hate than to perpetrate and blame your nemesis for it? Like I said before though, I just don't think he counted on his plan backfiring. I'm not a sensitive person and like to laugh at things too. Neil made himself a target for me on his own. Plus now I like and respect Jake even more than I did before.

Here is why I think that.. It's just too neat and tied together. Like this fake profile's likes are only the people Neil claims are being fucked with by HOR.

Also, one of the few events this fake person went to is an event being put on by Elektron Radio.

Neil apparently has several fake Facebook accounts he's trolling people from including Jake and me so be on the lookout. It would appear Neil is our dude and Douchebag of the Day. I will also be receiving "The Akkor File" shortly which should be a fucking awesome read. Let's see if we can't pick up where HOR left off.