More Adventures in Dating Douchebags... Meet the Dumbass Who Definitely Should've Known Better

So I haven't done one of these in FOREVER... Not because I haven't dated any douchebags.. Cause I've dated a bunch of douchey mofos since my last Dating Douchebags installment More Adventures in Dating the Douchebags of PoF: Meet Metrosexual Magic Mike.. But more because their douchebaggery just wasn't blatantly stupid and laughable enough to make for good blog fodder and whatever they did didn't annoy me enough to post about it.... Until now...

Here is another dude whom I would suggest avoiding or further subjecting to public scrutiny... Meet the Dumbass Who Definitely Should've Known Better aka Wes Grant... 

He's 31 and he's from around the Northern Virginia area. As far as I know he actually lives in Fair Lakes near me but he's apparently moving to Reston soon. I know this because he actually told me the other day during a text conversation. He also works in Accounting by day and does music on the side like me, is a dog owner like me, and even has red hair.. like me.. Clearly we have a lot in common and, one would think, we could potentially be very compatible to date or at least be friends... But apparently not. To be clear though, we actually never dated or even went out on one date or have even met in person ever.. We never got that far because he is a Dumbass.

For those of you who have been loyal readers of my blog since the beginning you may even remember him from my post a couple years ago Check This Out! Bonus Music for Your Monday... DMV Local Band - Madison Apart. He is the bassist for that band... 

Here is a pic of him in action that I pulled off their Facebook band page...

Quick sidenote... Just FYI, this is not the same band dude I mentioned in my post Miss Slik's Guide to Dating: The 3 Date Rule. That was Mr. Dreamy and he's a guitarist for a different local band. Pretty sure I won't be blowing him up any time soon.. if ever.. for 2 reasons. The first, I'm still possibly trying to bang him at some point in the hopefully not too distant future and maybe cultivate him into a "special friend with whom I have interesting and intelligent conversations" if he stops acting so sadiddy and gets with the program. Pretty sure publicly dissing him on the interwebz would be counterproductive. The second reason is because when his band gets super famous (which I believe could actually happen) he's totally going to buy me a 7-Eleven because I told him he has to so I can have access to infinite slurpees for the rest of my life. I want my Infinite Slurpee Dream dammit! There is also the secret 3rd reason, which is that I actually like him as a person and he's fun to talk to about stuff... most of the time. He actually gave some input to help with the blog revamp the other day which I appreciate. But, since I do get that I'm such a man eater it may be hard to keep all my dudes straight, I figured I should clarify that.

Anyway... Bygones... Back to the story...

So, I first encountered this fool on PoF like 3 years ago I think. I don't remember who messaged whom first... I think it was me. But I do remember that we had a lovely conversation about a mutual fave show Eastbound & Down. He seemed cool.. I thought we were getting along.. and then dude just dropped the ball. Not sure why.. But I've come to find out this is just his M.O.. 

Here is his PoF profile...

Quick sidenote... Dudes who do not have dope torsos with stomachs I could do my laundry on should really refrain from posting shirtless bathroom selfies of themselves. I get that he's trying to show off his tattoos but he should have resisted that urge.

I've run across this dude on like 3 other dating websites since then in the past few years.. We talk. Seems cool. Drops ball. Last week I was bored and getting my Tinder swipe on when I ran across him again. I swiped right and found he'd already swiped right on me. I decided to send him a message saying something to the effect of "Since we keep running into each other on all these dating websites maybe we should just actually finally meet up in person for a drink."

Here is his default Facebook profile picture by the way.. It's actually the same as his default Tinder profile picture.. which I would show you if he hadn't unmatched me...

Anyway, he responded to my message about 20 minutes later and agreed and asked me when I was available. I told him whenever because since he lives like down the street I'm pretty sure I could find an hour or 2 to drag my happy ass to one of the many nearby bars. He told me he was busy with band shit all week but that he'd hit me up Friday to make plans for the weekend. 

Then I gave him my number so we could sort it out and advised him not to wait until Friday to book time during the weekend because every time I say I have no plans, inevitably I immediately get hit up by a rack of people asking me what I'm doing. It's true. Believe it or not, I'm actually kind of dope and fun and people like hanging out with me... And I was right to advise that because right after I told him that my Friday got reserved for World of Drum and Bass... We'll get into that fun later.. I promise. This week will be a 2 parter because I HAVE GOT to tell ya'll whahappin to me last Friday.

He texts me later that day and we talk about tacos and what we both do for a living and whatnot. He says he has to go because he's about to head into the gym to workout... This is always what he's about to do. I have dated personal trainers who do nothing but work out for a living and somehow they found the time to text. I also work out and yet manage to have text conversations. So basically I think that's bullshit. Plus judging by that pic on his PoF profile I'm kinda thinking this dude never works out... and if he is then he's doing it wrong cause my guns are bigger than that.

Well Friday and the weekend came and went and dude did not hit me up like he said he would. I was busy being a maniac at World of DnB and then dead to the world recovering for the rest of the weekend so I kinda didn't really think about it or notice. I was way too hurt up to care.

On Monday I was kinda bored and hyper and having a moment so I hit him up. He is, again, about to head into the gym. He then, again, asks me what I'm getting into this week and when I'm free. I told him I currently had no plans other than going to Transit on Wednesday for my boy's birthday (shoutout to Ricardo aka Naughty Bitz.. Happy Birthday Ricardo!!!! ♡♡♡). He tells me that Wednesday is actually his only free day so I invited him to Transit. He said that would be too late for him since he has to be at work at 7am. So we agreed to get dinner before I went to Transit instead. He says he'll hit me up then and I'm like "You know you could keep talking to me in the meantime right?" He says he will... But hours go by and no text.

So the next day, which would've been Tuesday, I realize while I'm looking for an old post on How I Tricked Out My Blog so I can remember how to change my header pick to the new MSG2L graphic, I find that I had done that post about his band a couple years ago. I texted him the link and told him about it. In the meantime, I go respond to some Tinder messages and swipe a little cause I'm bored.. and much to my surprise this mofo comes up for swiping.. which shouldn't happen since we were already matched.. So I go check my messages and his thread is gone.. This piece of shit dumbass motherfucking douchebag had the nerve to unmatch me!? What a fucking tool?!?!

Well like a half an hour later, he responds to my text with, "Haha nice! That was a fun video to make." I ask him if there are any more recent ones cause I'm pretty sure there aren't... No response... Probably cause he damn well knows there aren't any recent ones... and now I know for sure too because I checked YouTube. For someone who is so super busy with band shit you'd think he'd have more to show for it. Mr. Dreamy gets all pissy and short and tells me he's busy with band shit too.. which I'm apparently supposed to magically know by osmosis that I'm interrupting with my ill-timed offers of sex and burritos like I stalk him... But the difference is when he says it I actually believe him. 

All this non-responsive shit kinda brings me to my breaking point though. In the same day I'm also dealing with Mr. Dreamy being all elusive and douchey on top of this other guy I used to date last year texting me because he's trying to rehash things I'm pretty sure I don't want to rehash (we may get into that later)... Meanwhile I just want to actually go out with a dude who isn't blowing me off for some unknown reason, acting like a dick that just left me hanging during an intimate conversation, or being a Stage 3 Clinger who isn't quite getting the hint that I'm just not feelin it at this juncture.

So in my annoyed state, I text this dude, "So at the risk of coming off like 'that girl', should I actually plan my day around us meeting up tomorrow evening or no? I'm kinda getting the vibe you're not that about it.. Either that or you're just really not the best texter." Seems kinda bitchy and maybe would turn some dudes off but whatever. At least I gave him an out... And this dude still doesn't respond! Then Wednesday comes and goes.. No text from him, no call, no Tinder message, no carrier pigeons, smoke signals from down the street... Nothing... Not that I'd really expected it and probably would've fallen over in shock had he actually hit me up like he said he would.. But whatever. Fuck that dumbass toolbag.

Fellas, if you're not that into a chick then don't ask her what she's doing and attempt to make plans with her.. Not even once, but TWICE.. It's rude and inconsiderate.. And if you do make plans and you change your mind for whatever reason then you should at least be courteous and let her know you want to cancel. If you need to, make up an excuse.. Not that you're sick or have to work late or anything that would invite rescheduling.. Make it finite and permanent like you're moving to Antarctica or you've decided to convert to Islam and run off to join ISIS or that you have a microscopic penis (cause I'd definitely be out) or that you died... Or you could just grow a pair and tell her you're such an asshole that you can't even be bothered to follow through with plans you contributed to making twice because you're just not interested in her and do not want to meet her in life ever at all.

Normally, I wouldn't care if some dude was acting like this dumbass because I have other shit to do and a plethora of other men around who would love to have food and drinks and whatnot with me. But here is why this dude is so fucking stupid for pulling this shit...

This dude's name is Brett...

Now Brett and I came across each other on PoF too shortly after I first encountered the Dumbass. We were chatting in a friend way for a bit.. I wasn't really interested in him like that but he was cool to talk to.. Brett is or was or may even still be Dumbass's roommate. When he messaged me I noticed pics of the Dumbass and told him I'd talked to that guy before. But Brett is the reason I know that they lived down the street and about the band and whatever. He's the same Brett I shouted out in that post. Now Brett is also the guy who started that trend of dudes who are scared to date me because they are overly concerned they'd do something stupid and I'd blow them up on my blog.. Many have followed since who shared that fear but he was the first.. and the reason I had not done a Dating Douchebags installment since. 

This dude, and Mr. Dreamy actually, are in a very tiny group of dudes who bothered to show a genuine interest in me and something I do and take the time to actually read my blog. That action in and of itself pretty much guarantees you will probably never be featured in this particular segment because I know you'll actually read it. I also make it a point not to publicly out people by name that I actually have real talks with and give even a fraction of a shit about even if they really piss me off. I just refer to them by nicknames or "(insert generic clarifying reference here) dude". Those other guys knew I had a blog but never cared enough about me or anything I do in any real way where I would know they actually read the posts about them.. and if they did I've never heard from them about it. The subject of this one might. But ask me how much I care. He deserves it.

Dudes are worse than women sometimes.. They get together and gossip like clucky little chickenheads. These dudes were roommates who were on the same dating website that ran across the same chick. I'd bet money Brett told Dumbass about my blog and those Dating Douchebag posts. I also gave Dumbass the link to my blog the other day and I'd again bet money he didn't bother to read more than that one post about his band.. If he had he'd have either followed through and we'd have met up.. or he'd have pulled a Chandler and told me he was moving to Yemen. Either way, he's a fucking idiot who should've known better.

Fellas, especially those of you in your late 20's or older, here is yet another example of what not to do. If you come across a chick who is nice and cool and tries to hang out with you and you decide you're just not interested for whatever reason then show some testicular fortitude and text her pretending to be your mom and tell her you're in a coma. 

Ladies, this dude is still out cruising on at least Tinder and also still PoF because I just pulled those screenshots of his profile earlier today. Clearly he is a flake with no balls who lies about going to the gym and being busy with band shit. You don't really need that in your life. If you know him and have a date scheduled then I'd advise telling him you're in a coma.

Finally, everyone, just remember that dumbass douchebag tools who should know better don't deserve your mercy. Don't waste your time being considerate of anyone who shows a lack of regard for your time because it's disrespectful of you. People are busy and ain't nobody got time for that shit. Plus I think we're all a little too old at this point to act like or deal with dickheads. 

More Adventures in Dating the Douchebags of PoF: Meet The Mayor of Titty City

So like a month ago I went out on a date with this dude whom I would suggest avoiding or further subjecting to public scrutiny...

Pof Screen name: BlueOneD

Real Name: Derrick Hess aka The Mayor of Titty City

How do I know he's the Mayor of Titty City? Because he told me at dinner... He was at his cousin's bachelor party down in Tennessee the week before, got drunk, and was yelling out "I'm the Mayor of Titty City!!!" the whole night. Apparently this is something he is prone to doing every time he gets drunk... EXACTLY what a girl who just met you wants to hear when she's about to take you to a public place for drinking where people she's known for a long time will be.

For those of you who know me and are like "That sounds familiar" but have not yet made the connection, this is the dude I brought with me to Transit at Redzone several weeks ago.. the one who almost left me stranded at the end of the night.. Oh yeah, he also almost left me at the bar because he said he couldn't find me. I'd lost my phone and he didn't try very hard to find me.

A few things....

One, this is for the fellas.. If you're going to whip out your dick at the end of the night DO NOT EVER ASK A GIRL IF IT'S BIG ENOUGH FOR HER AND ASSUME YOU HAVE THE BIGGEST ONE SHE'S EVER SEEN. Unless you are the reincarnation of John Holmes then the answer is probably No. In this case, my special friend with whom I'd been having interesting and intelligent conversations a few days prior had him beat by A LOT. I had to grab a half-mouthful of cock to keep from laughing uncontrollably in his face.

It's funny because in the car on the way to Transit this dude was talking about how he only dates super hot girls with fake boobs. Well, I'm hot but I don't have fake boobs. My boobs are real and they are nice. I don't want fake boobs. But this fucker gave me a complex for like 3 days over whether or not I was super hot enough to date him. Apparently I'm hot enough to sort out as a booty call in advance though. The reality is that I'm really shallow and a supreme Size Queen and this dude did not meet my standards of aesthestic perfection nor size requirements regarding the size of his endowment.

At least I'm not a scandalous, cheating, materialistic bitch... like his previous/current girlfriend. He claimed he got out of a relationship back in April... Obviously the truthfulness of this statement is up for debate. He said they couldn't stand each other and it was a purely physical relationship. He also said that these super hot girls with fake boobs are generally out banging half of Arlington whenever they have a fight. 

I told him he didn't really have to worry about me ever going out and fucking half of Arlington.. not because I'm not prone to being kind of a hooker at times.. But more for these 2 reasons: 

1) I don't really fuck with Arlington much anyway. A lot of Arlingtonians (slow your roll if you live there because I didn't say all) are bougey douches who look down on us Fairfaxians like we're low rent just because we pay slightly less for more square footage. Don't hate just because we're smarter and don't feel the need to be so close to DC we could suck it's proverbial dick every night. 

2) Why would I ever bang half or all of a city to make you jealous when just banging one dude you're already jealous of to begin with will do just fine? Obviously that is some unnecessary hookeriness committed by dumb bitches who clearly don't understand the concept of proper revenge nor fear racks of rampant STD's.

Second, again for the fellas... Money is important but it's not everything. Flashing stacks of cash and/or talking about money the whole time we're on a date is a super low rent thing to do and also a massive turn-off. The only thing I care about is that I'm not paying for our initial dates because you are courting me. Beyond that, keep it to yourself for awhile.

This dude went on and on and on about his money and his family's money. All I could think is did your family win the lottery last week? It's a very nouveau riche thing to do. People who are used to having lots of money don't really feel the need to discuss it in such great detail. They just show up in an expensive car and pay for things and call it a day.

Not only that, but he actually invited one of his boys to come meet up with us at Redzone. This dude was a snarky, broke toolbag who was trying to holler at my friends but refused to buy them drinks. Turns out he wasn't the one paying for his own. Derrick covered that whole bar tab. WHAAAAAAAATTTTTT???? All I want to know is does this dude normally suck Derrick's dick at the end of the night too? It's possible. 

Clearly this dude did not get the memo that the only snarky, broke bitch who was supposed to be on this date was me. Also, I'm not sure what dude invites his boy out on a date with a girl and then pays for him. Guess he not only feels the need to buy the affection of women but also the loyalty and friendship of his boys. That's really sad and pathetic.

The whole situation just wasn't very impressive. He's a bartender at Bungalow Billiards in Alexandria and an E5 in the Army. I probably make more than he does but you don't hear me going on. In fact, the only time I talk about money is when I'm broke, like right now because I just dropped a rack of money on my car.

Third, also for the fellas... ALWAYS assume that EVERY WOMAN you meet is a scandalous, investigatory bitch who could put any man who works for both the CIA and FBI to shame any day of the week. DO NOT lie about dumb shit like the existence of your Facebook profile to conceal the fact that you have a girlfriend and assume we won't find out.

While we were at Transit, one of my friends brought up Facebook profiles and Derrick said something about not having one because "He kills people for a living." Pssshhhhh! This little piece of advice is for the ladies: Don't believe the fucking hype girls.This dude is not a damn assassin for the US Government. He's a Combat Engineer in the US Army. He has killed people... in freaking Afghanistan.. not here or in the Sudan or something. I dated another Combat Engineer last year who also killed people overseas and that fool has a Facebook profile. Some military dudes are extremely scandalous and they lie to hide the fact that they are attached and you are just a side piece.

Suddenly I started having flashes of squirrel pictures and the movie "What's Your Number?" I don't have to get to know him. I dated him... except his name was Scott and he was a Marine and an asshole who lied to me for over a year and hid the fact that he had a wife and possibly 2 kids. Hence why I called his bluff and went searching on Facebook... And look what I freaking found!

Now I have no clue who this Kathy B. chick is but she is definitely not what I envisioned when I think of super hot girls with fake boobs who go out on citywide banging rampages. She looks very plain and like she might actually be a nice person. He definitely was missing her the week he was in Tennessee and those posts are legit from only a week, maybe even several days, prior to us going on our date. We definitely were already talking on PoF when those posts were posted. So basically this dude is a lying, cheating, scandalous douche.

The moral of the story is: Fellas, here is yet another example of what not to do. Ladies, look alive because this fool is still cruising for chicks on Plenty of Fish and may or may not still have a girlfriend. Don't be part of his banging spree through the DMV to get back at Kathy B. That ain't your problem and you definitely don't need that in your life. Also, if a dude offers you an expensive gift you should take it. He offered me Lexus President's Club Nats tickets and I'm a fucking moron for turning them down. I'm still kicking myself for not taking them because I'm a huge Nats fan and he's a huge douche.

ATTENTION: STALKER ALERT!!! BIG RED FLAGS!!! HUGE RED FLAGS!!!

So just in case you thought I was kidding about having 7 Evil Stalkers/Stage 5 Clingers in my post Adventures in Dating: Seemingly Desperate Dudes Who Weird Me Out, here is a prime example of a situation which has now escalated and makes me THANK GOD I own a gun....

Remember the dude I referred to in Why Does Dating Suck? Cause Dudes Be Trippin That's Why! who threw up the BIG RED FLAGS?!?! Well, I don't remember if I mentioned this, but I did hear from him again and was forced to block him on both PoF and the Sprint website for my phone. 

But somehow he managed to find me on Facebook and sent me a friend request either late last night or early this morning.

He is the top one, Rusty Evans... I was like "Noooooo... Can't be the same dude."  

So I checked out his profile and sure enough, it totally is the same guy... What a fucking psycho?! For real, did he think he could trick me into accepting his friend request so he could step the stalking up a notch? Please take a moment to familiarize yourself with these pictures I screenshotted from his Facebook profile. Should I disappear and my dead body drifts onto the shores of the Potomac River, this dude is the prime suspect at this point...

I also took it to the interwebz on a real computer so I could get a bigger pic to show you guys...

Here is the message I sent him before I blocked him on Facebook:

"I don't know how you found me on Facebook but you have crossed a serious line. I told you before to leave me alone and not to contact me again for any reason. I've already had to block your phone number and profile on PoF. I will also be blocking you on Facebook. If you did not understand before then I will say it one last time...

LEAVE ME ALONE AND DO NOT TRY TO CONTACT ME AGAIN FOR ANY REASON. IF YOU DO, I WILL CONTACT THE POLICE TO FILE HARASSMENT CHARGES AND OBTAIN A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST YOU."

I blocked him as soon as I sent the message. But he must have been sitting on his phone looking out like a hawk because he's a stalker and has no life beyond harassing me apparently. Here is his response...

LOVE how he tried to make it seem like I must be crazy and conceited. There is no way an Invite All would work to find my account. My cellphone number is not associated with my Facebook profile nor posted in my contact info for a reason. Also, the email address connected to my PoF profile isn't the same one I use for Facebook. Even if it were, he didn't know any of them. So how the fuck did he find me?

My friend Jeannie thinks he Catfished me. I spent more time today than I care to admit trying to figure out how he could use pictures and just my first name to find me. Special shout out and thank you to Brandon for being my awesome, super sexy guinea pig who let me attempt to Catfish hunt his profile down even though it didn't work. 

I will have to do a follow-up post about Catfishing because there are a CRAP TON of crazy ways people can use just your pictures to find your social media profiles on the interwebz. The only thing I can figure is he used one of my PoF pics on Google Images search and found my blog then found my Facebook profile through some serious recon he could've been doing for the past couple months. Guess I need to change some pics around and watch what I say a little more to safeguard my private life.

In the meantime, while I totally <3 y'all, please do not take the liberty to try to add my Facebook profile. I have a Facebook page dedicated to the blog that needs "Likes" and I promise starting today I'll be better about updating it more frequently. So please check out my Miss Slik's Guide to Gracefully Faking It Through Life Facebook Page and hit the Like button.

Adventures in Dating: Seemingly Desperate Dudes Who Weird Me Out

So I started talking to this guy a few days ago. He seemed cool and we bonded over a love of movie trivia. His username is from Back to the Future, which is an epic movie. I told him about my voicemail greeting that nobody ever gets which is "Hi! This is Niki! Leave a message!" He knew it was from Swingers so I was highly impressed... Blah blah blah...

Well, he sends me this message like Monday night....

It's super long and involved. The first part refers to my favorite movie being Pulp Fiction and Samuel L. Jackson, who is the F-ing man and this dude CLEARLY does not know what he's talking about by saying his acting is limited. The second part refers to him asking me if I have 7 evil exes who will try to fight him like in Scott Pilgrim.. I said "No, more like 7 evil stalkers/stage 5 clingers who will probably try to fight you or at least mean mug you." Third, I was drawing a blank on who Veronica Vaughn was and apparently he was referencing the movie Billy Madison which I've never seen. Third, he asked me what my favorite flavor ice was. The rest of his message had been word association and he'd just made a Beck song reference. I thought we were on music and answered Vanilla.. because who doesn't love Vanilla Ice?!?

I meant to respond back to him but I forgot about it because I got all busy talking to some other guy with whom I'll be going on a date this Saturday (hopefully he won't be weird, scandalous, losery, or a douche and end up in this segment of my blog *fingers crossed*). Plus considering how long the message was I just didn't have the mental capacity to respond back at the time I received it.

Anyway, last night I was minding my own business playing my guitar when the first message below comes through. I'm like "Oh crap! Totally forgot to respond to this guy." Then I read the message and I was like "WOW! Sooooo not going to respond to this guy!" But it wasn't until the second one came through like an hour and a half later when I was like, "OH. MAH. GOD. WOW." No. I did not get the Swingers reference... But, we already shared a moment on that days ago and reenacting it via several PoF messages is not a turn on.



Now as far as I know this dude is not a douchebag. He's just kind of weird and obviously lacking in game. If you happen to be a single lady doing online dating and his constant barrage of movie references is a turn on for you then please search his username on PoF and have at it. However, don't tell him how you found him deal? If you happen to be a dude doing the online dating thing then here is an example of what not to do OK?

Adventures in Dating: Douchebag Dudes With No Game

Now that ya'll are paying attention, I guess I need to start beefing up my Sex, Love, and Dating section because you keep checking it out like you expect to find more than one post. I've been on several dates in the past several weeks and I've been DYING to break them down.

So I had a date a few weeks ago with this guy I met through the dating website I'm on. He was on and off about communicating.. Like we'd talk a lot one day and maybe try to meet up but it wouldn't work out and then nothing for a few days... Then he'd send me these random pics he thought were funny.

This was the first one....

Ummmmm... Yeah, because nothing turns me on or lets me know you're into me quite like pics of tranny dating profiles on PoF. He told me there are quite a few transsexuals on there. My response to him was "If that's what you're into.. I guess the heart wants what the heart wants.. or the penis rather.. Patti Stanger on Millionaire Matchmaker always says the penis does the picking".. He swore up and down he was straight and loved boobs and vaginas.. I was like "Well consciously maybe.. But not subconsciously apparently. Subconsciously I'm sure I'm attracted to a bunch of things I'd never consciously admit to.."

My example was making an Eiffel Tower in a 3-some with this dude and a big-dicked, big-boobed tranny... which the more I thought about it, actually seemed like it could be pretty hot. I like boobs and large penises and theoretically this tranny would have both. He told me he was cool with that and to pick one out... WHAAAAATTTTT?!?!?!? That ladies and gentlemen should've deterred me from ever speaking to this dude again. It is a giant red flag.

Really though, I've gotten to the point with dudes where I just don't care anymore. I'm a douchebag magnet as you will discover. I've been experimenting with new and different ways to push their boundaries and see what they'll let me get away with. Why not right?

Anyway, we tried to meet up and again it did not work out and again I didn't hear from him for a few days. I was about ready to write him off until I got this...

So I laughed because who doesn't love Will Farrell and joking references about male genitalia and A Few Good Men? Then I let him know he'd just about gotten written off because I was tired of being shot down on hanging out. I told him I wasn't going to ask him if he wanted to do anything anymore... but that since he was the dude and I'm theoretically the chick in this scenario, he should be the one asking me anyway... So then he asked me out to dinner.

We ended up going to Champp's because they have karaoke on Friday nights and I wanted to practice my songs for the Fair. I thought he was cute in person but had a serious issue with blinking way too much... either because he has some kind of weird eye condition, thought it was flirtatious, or the more logical explanation, he lies a lot (abnormal amounts of blinking signal lying).

Anyway, we finished dinner and I finished my like 6-7th girly tequila drink and we rolled out. He walked me to my car and I go to hug him and thank him for a nice night. He kissed me... Then copped a feel everywhere like that was supposed to do something for me... Then he says to me "Are you ready to make some poor decisions?" (Sidenote: this dude kept talking to me about making poor drunken decisions. I kept telling him, "I don't make poor decisions. I make bad decisions.. HORRIBLE ones even." For real, who makes poor decisions when they're drunk?)

I just busted out laughing. I was like, "OH. MAH. GOD! Yeah, I'm going to go home alone. That is my decision." Well, he didn't like that very much and began to storm off like a bratty 3 year old who got sand in his crack, packed up his G.I. Joe's, and announced he didn't want to play anymore and was going home. I stood there watching him walk off and was like "Really dude?! WOW! Sorry you didn't bring your A+ game tight enough to close on the first date. Besides, I don't see a tranny anywhere, so clearly you did not come prepared."

For real, if you're a dude, you shouldn't expect to get it in on the first date. Chicks are at least supposed to get a grace period of a minimum of 3 dates before you should begin expecting anything. This dude was actually a good-looking guy who, despite being somewhat corny, probably could've gotten it after another date or 2. But, acting like a bratty little kid is not exactly a turn on.

So, I haven't heard from him since... no weird pics or discussions of poor decision-making... which I'm totally OK with. However, I did see him while I was walking up to the gate at Celebrate Fairfax. I noticed him walking right in front of me and we both did one of those like hand shielding the face moves to try to make ourselves invisible like "Please don't let this person see me." All I could think was "WOW! What a douche!"

His name is Sam. He's like 29-30, 6 ft., black hair, blue eyes, works for US Customs, lives in Alexandria, and lies about his penis size. If you're on PoF and you come across him then duck him like it's your job and avoid him like the plague because he is wack and you don't need that in your life. Trust me. Personally, I'd take that tranny any day over this fool since it would probably be way more fun.