Miss Slik Would Be a Slutty CSW for the Head of Rothchild...

Just in case you didn't know, my new little crush is Jake Komara aka Reed Rothchild. I had some very lovely chats with him whilst discussing Stalker Neil and I've been feeling all 12 year old Tiger Beat Teenybopper ever since... especially because I managed to confirm that he is single. Game fucking on...

And cue Marvin Gaye as I attempt to publicly put the moves on Jake via the interwebz...

You know what I love about this picture? He's so relaxed in this "Come hither girl" sort of pose.. You know what they say about DJ's right? They're good with their hands. 

It's actually this pic of him grilling the CDJ that did it for me though. I really do need a towel to wipe my leg every time I look at it...

I'd let him scoop me in a hearse too. It's different... very Adam's Family meets rap video since it's white... Could be hot in a semi-morbid way to get it on in one... provided there were no coffins with actual corpses in the back of course.

This one is also very scrumptious. I'm diggin the gun tattoos. Obviously as a gun owner I tend to dig gun-related things.. except crime because that is bad. (Correction: I was informed the morning of 8/21/13 by my Facebook friend Alan that those are actually bacon tattoos. I like that better because I heart bacon. It adds to Jake's scrumptiousness factor.)

He changed his hairstyle recently and now he looks sort of like Eminem. For some reason though the Real Slim Shady still does it for me in a major way. 

Sadly, he ended his blog HOR a couple weeks ago. I have invited him to guest on my blog though any time he feels the inclination to write again. Hopefully he will take me up on it. In the meantime, let's see if this post gets him to come down to Virginia. 

He's got a thing for Uncle Julio's Rio Grande. Y'all know Mexican food is my jam and I moved to this location 5 years ago specifically because of its proximity to Rio Grande in psychic anticipation of this situation. I'm trying to get him to take me out for some pork tamales. It needs to happen. 

Keep Your Property of HOR Stickers Off Miss Slik's Bitches

So as I mentioned previously in Happy Monday Theme Songs For Your House Party Hangover! I attended a house party this weekend for my boy Max's birthday. Shout outs, Birthday wishes, and also many thanks for hospitality go out to Maximus Decimus Awesomus. 

Now let this be a lesson to you NEVER to fall asleep at any events which I am attending because I CAN AND WILL FUCK WITH YOU. This dude fell asleep in the basement so I decorated him with Christmas lights because I felt like he did not look quite festive enough...

I then posed with my handiwork in true scandalous booty ho fashion as everyone pulled out their cellphones and flashes went off in the dark like I was surrounded by paparazzi. I got tons of high fives for the rest of the night.

Well, I stepped back and began taking pictures whilst admiring my unsuspecting victim when someone had the nerve to put a Property of HOR sticker on him. 

*GASP* What an outrage?!? Hold up, wait a minute! In the words of Honey Boo Boo, you better redneckognize!

I said "Do I look like Jake Komara to you dude?!? I'll thank you to get that HOR sticker off my victim. He is Miss Slik's Bitch not Property of HOR!" He laughed and took the sticker off. 

Now y'all know I heart me some Jake Komara. He is my favorite little piece of scrumptious hotness and teen dream TigerBeat fantasy. 

However... From henceforth the distinction must be made that if I'm the one putting Christmas lights on a person and doing mean things to them for my own personal amusement whilst they sleep then their ass is mine. They have officially been claimed as royal property of my Queendom and not that of the Republic. I guess I will have to invest in stickers of my own so people will know just who is responsible. But until then, get it right or become blog fodder.

This has been a royal decree courtesy of H.R.M. Queen of Fairfax Miss Niki Slik. YaY for me! Woe to the Republic.

Who the F Dares to Troll Miss Slik?

So as promised, I have investigated the situation from Monday's blog post Who the Fuck is this Bottom-Feeding Losery Stalker Groupie Douche?!?. I tagged the 2 people who were mutual friends in my Facebook update and look what happened!

Wow right? OK...

Here is a list of our suspects:

1. My ex-best friend and/or someone who knows her. A couple of people have suggested she may be the one responsible but I don't think it's her. She'd come at me way harder than this. Anybody who really knows me would know how to push my buttons in a major way. They also know I'd just laugh at being called a cock-slurping whore... which is exactly what I did.

2. Andy Welch

He has not responded to me which could mean it's him but I doubt it. This kid just doesn't strike me as the uber dramatic type. Maybe I'm wrong though.

3. Neil Akkor

Scrutinize momentarily and hold those thoughts I can tell you all are thinking right now because we will come back to him in a second.

4. Jake Komara aka Head of Rothchild

Neil accused Jake of being the one. I know for a fact it wasn't Jake and HOR. I made a call and got that shit confirmed. Had it been though I'd have probably taken shit down and let it get handled. We share a mutual friend who would go and has gone to bat for me. Out of respect for him I wouldn't add fuel to the fire. It's not good for business.

Besides, look at this picture and tell me that little piece of scrumptious hotness doesn't make you think some naughty thoughts. If he'd called me a cock-slurping whore it would be like foreplay. Pretty sure he'd mean it in a loving, encouraging way though. For real, he's grilling a CDJ. I loathe CDJ's with a fiery, burning passion. This picture makes me moist in my panties area and I think I need a towel to wipe my leg. More on that later.

So who is our culprit? Well I'm pretty sure it's Neil Akkor. Dude is a meth addict with way too much time on his hands and it's mad convenient that he jumped to pinning it on Jake with such a quickness. Meth addicts are super calculating and manipulative. They come up with some crazy plans. Pretty sure he didn't count on it backfiring though.

Not only did Neil comment on my status update, he also hit me up immediately in a private message and went on and on and on and on....

Really, why would he? I think I'm awesome but in real life I'm really not that cool and I don't fit the usual type of people HOR has gone on.

Why Neil? Do you want to take me on a date?

No clue what the fuck Elektron Radio is nor do I really care unless I'm being booked for it. Not sure I'd feel too comfy in your mom's basement though without my gun. Sounds like I've been lo-jacked and targeted to be made into a Niki suit. It rubs the lotion on it's skin. It does this whenever it's told. 

Wow... That's extra.

Of course you do. That's why you've been stalking me... It's for my own protection right? Seriously, again, this is why I own a gun. I've also been taught self-defense by dudes in the USMC and Army so you can get fucked up like we're in the Octagon if you creep on me.

Pre baught? What the fuck does that mean? Did meth addicts come up with their own language? At this point I was making Leslie Chow jacking off dice rolling hand gestures. I don't want to meet up with this dude. No thumb drive of anything is that worth it to me. Besides, I have other avenues and means.

Because WOW.. What kind of credible information could you possibly provide me about anything?

Good Lord... OK kids, this piece of advice is for everyone.. DO NOT EVER DO DRUGS!!! Cause for real.. WOW!!!!

Yeah, here is my theory on who trolled me... I believe that Neil realized I write a blog that targets douchebags who fuck with me, creep me out, annoy me, or piss me off. What better way to exact revenge on someone you hate than to perpetrate and blame your nemesis for it? Like I said before though, I just don't think he counted on his plan backfiring. I'm not a sensitive person and like to laugh at things too. Neil made himself a target for me on his own. Plus now I like and respect Jake even more than I did before.

Here is why I think that.. It's just too neat and tied together. Like this fake profile's likes are only the people Neil claims are being fucked with by HOR.

Also, one of the few events this fake person went to is an event being put on by Elektron Radio.

Neil apparently has several fake Facebook accounts he's trolling people from including Jake and me so be on the lookout. It would appear Neil is our dude and Douchebag of the Day. I will also be receiving "The Akkor File" shortly which should be a fucking awesome read. Let's see if we can't pick up where HOR left off.