Where the Fuck Have I Been and What the Hell Do I Want?

I've been gone for a minute but now I'm back once again with the serious ill behavior. I've gotten a crap ton of messages asking when and if I'd be getting back on my blog... Many of these messages came from a devoted reader and friend named Phil who has been asking/bugging me for months because he missed reading my awesome incites and anecdotes and couldn't live without them. So shout out to him. He definitely gets the award for the Sliktastic Super Fan of the Year.

So whahappin? Where have I been? Well, one thing that happened was I was just getting burnt out. This blog became like a second job that I just couldn't maintain at the same pace on top of other things I had going on. I missed it though. I also missed all of you my people. I just couldn't stay away. I hope you can find it in your hearts to forgive me.

Now that things have chilled out a bit I want to start building Miss Slik's Guide to Gracefully Faking it Through Life back up to its former glory... which won't take much because I'm sure all 10 of you who were reading it before are still out there and loyal enough to come back. So for you I make this deal, I promise I will update the blog at least once a week. I know you'd like more but too fucking bad.

Another thing is the blog was fucking up my dating game. Though it was entertaining for me to write and no doubt for ya'll to read about my tragic dating life, it is kinda hard to date dudes when they are paranoid that you'll blow them up on the internet if they fuck up. I became concerned since it seemed to be scaring off some of the potentially good ones.

This was probably a mistake because I feel like the standard of treatment of me by dudes went downhill significantly. So now I've decided they need to live in that fear. They should be haunted by it daily and have nightmares about it whilst they sleep. Somewhere there has to be a moment of reckoning and karmic retribution for the douchebags of the world... and also the decent guys who act like inconsiderate, immature morons... so they might finally learn from their mistakes and become better men.

The reality is that any man who is worth my time, energy, love, undying devotion, and a change of Facebook relationship status would be secure enough in himself to have the quality of his character and the size of his junk discussed on the internet. He would also be supportive enough of me to let me live out my Sex and the City dreams through my blog without pitching a bitch about it. Those who aren't are probably douchebags with tiny dicks that I really shouldn't be wasting my precious moments of my life on anyway. In the words of the great Lady Gaga, "Can't sleep with a man who dims my shine."

However, the biggest reason for my ghosting out is that I was dealing with some family stuff and felt I probably shouldn't be near the blog. My mom got diagnosed with ovarian cancer last Fall which fucked my world up. I was very stressed out, which in turn, made me extremely sensitive and antagonistic. That might have made for some great, über-dramatic blog posts... But then I'd have had to deal with some massively pissed off people and I was not in the best position to do that.

While my mom isn't quite out of the woods yet, she's doing better than she was. On the other hand, my Godmother Juji who was diagnosed with terminal cancer took a turn for the worst and passed away a little over 2 months ago. She was an amazing lady and I freaking miss her.

Juji's passing has been inspiring me lately though. Life is short and you really don't know how long yours is going to be. She lived a full, epic life and thinking about her makes me feel like I'm wasting a good deal of mine... which needs to change.

There are so many things I want to do that I'm not doing like:
Seeing the world since I've never been outside the country
Becoming a "One Hit Wonder"
Inventing a dance craze
Finally writing that children's book so I can get that J.K. Rowling money
Making the New York Times Bestseller List for said children's book or some other book I could write
Getting my own show
Becoming a stand up comedian
Competing on MasterChef

The list really goes on and on but just those things are a lot to accomplish. Since the blog is probably a great catalyst for at least some of that, here I am again trying to build this thing back up. So, let's get started shall we? Somebody needs to take on The Chive and put an end to those lame ass, annoying green KCCO t-shirts. Why not me right? I'm pretty sure I can come up with much less annoying t-shirts for people to wear while still fully exploring the world of underboob.

Sad Monday My People.. Theme Songs Dedicated to My Girl Abby and in Loving Memory to Her Brother Erin

It's a sad day my people. Unfortunately, this weekend one of my closest friends Abby lost her older brother Erin. He was taken from this world way to soon. I understand that when God decides he wants to call you back home, you don't get the option to hit ignore on your smartphone. However, I will never understand why God decides to take good people away from other good people who love them at such a young age. You see, Erin was only in his 30's.

I had the good fortune and distinct pleasure to have known Erin as well for a brief time and spent one super kick ass Labor Day Weekend/my 29th Birthday Weekend with him in Gettysburg last year. If you've ever heard me say "Good thing I didn't forget to put extra glitter on my vagina!" that was actually a phrase coined by Erin.

Erin was a good dude... a super fun and incredibly unique individual, a loving, caring and devoted brother, son, father, and friend. He and his sister Abby are two peas in a pod as she is incredibly fun, unique, loving, caring, and devoted as well.

My heart breaks for Erin, Abby, and their entire family. I hope you fine interwebz people will join me in extending my sincerest and most deeply felt love, prayers, and condolences to Abby and her family.

So, today the theme songs are dedicated to Erin and Abby...

This first batch is for Erin....

First, a song that came immediately to mind when I spoke with Abby this morning...

Billy Joel - Only The Good Die Young

Next, a song which Erin played for me the morning he told me not to forget to put extra glitter on my vagina. This was a song he and Abby used to laugh about together...

You Can Touch My Boobies

Also, a song that will forever remind me of Erin because we met Terrance Zdunich aka Graverobber from Repo! The Genetic Opera at HorrorFind Weekend... All the ladies and even a good amount of the men got giddy over Terrance because I'm pretty sure they wanted him to inject his zydrate into a certain part of their anatomy. Erin is the one who got the closest because he caught a peek at Terrance's junk in the men's room. Priceless moments...

Zydrate Anatomy

Finally, a song that Erin and Abby would sing together at karaoke when he would come out with her... He and I actually did a duet together at Skaraoke during HorrorFind Weekend..

So here is Erin's and my rendition of The B52's - Love Shack...

R.I.P. Erin... You are already definitely being missed dude.

This next batch is for Abby. Honey, if any of this puts a smile on your face for even a split second today then I will feel like I somehow did my job as your friend.

I met Abby at karaoke a few years ago. Abby, our friend Leah, and I are the Superstar Karaoke Divas. Abby has the most amazing voice and she can kill some Paramore like it's her freaking job. Paramore is extremely hard to sing just FYI.

This is her main go-to song and if you have heard or ever do hear her sing it you know that I'm not lying about how good she is...

Paramore - Decode

Also, Abby I promise I will finish learning how to play this song on guitar like you asked me to... and once I do then I will teach you how to play it...

Paramore - The Only Exception

Next is a song I make Abby sing for me whenever I can get her to because she does it so well...

Flyleaf - All Around Me

Now here is the song Abby always makes me sing for her whenever she can get me to...

Lady Gaga - Poker Face

Finally... Girl, you know I had to take it there....

Styx - Mr. Roboto

I love you Abby and I've got your back. I know it doesn't seem like it now, but you will get through this. Pretty sure you've said that exact same thing to me and you were right. You were also there for me every step of the way just like I will be there with you. <3 <3 <3