Miss Slik's Guide to Dating: The 3 Date Rule

So I'm always gone for a minute, but I think ya'll are used to that by now so I'm just going to stop apologizing for it. Still doesn't mean I don't feel bad and love you and blah blah blah... But sometimes I need breaks to find new inspiration for shit so I'm not boring you or flipping out when I'm dealing with drama and making things worse in my everyday actual life by blasting people on the internet. Anyway...

Ok... So when last we left off, in Miss Slik's Dating Advice: The 48 Hour Rule we explored the question of how long you should wait when the person you've been talking to stops talking to you before you move on. Well, today kids I'm going to weigh in on another pressing dating question that plagues women everywhere every day including tonight since it is a date night... How long should you wait before you have sex with somebody you've just started dating?

In this day and age of a million dating sites and apps and whatnot, if you are a single person you could probably successfully line up at least one date for every night of the week. I know because I've done it and between nice dinners and nice leftovers haven't had to go food shopping for weeks at a time. But I needed a way to weed out the ones who were actually worth more than just some nice leftovers. I also can't bang my way through the internet for a multitude of reasons. So I came up with my own rule where I arbitrarily decided that I would give up the goodies after a certain number of dates.

Speaking of which, this particular post was sort of inspired by the date I went on last weekend with the latest dude I've been "talking to" who I did meet through Tinder. Now I told him this post wasn't about him.. and it's not.. which alleviated his momentary anxiety when I told him I was writing a blog article since he knows about my dating douchebags segments. However, I did not say that he was not mentioned nor did I say I wouldn't discuss our date sooo...

And the date went Ok.. I guess. He isn't my usual type, but he's definitely very cute.. like so dreamy I just want to put a poster of him above my bed and draw star hearts on it. He's a guitarist in a local band so we have the music thing in common. We also both like to read and have fairly unique personalities. However, he did go on this rant when I asked him about his last relationship and said things to the effect of thinking he was genetically predisposed to not having deeper feelings for people and also that he's not a big fan of monogamy... all of which I think is bullshit and something he should never tell another woman ever again ESPECIALLY on a first date whether he honestly believes it or not. To me it came off kind of like that episode of Seinfeld where Elaine is talking to Jerry's virgin girlfriend about how guys plan exit strategies during dinner by saying shit like "Yada yada yada.. I have to get up super early tomorrow."

Under normal circumstances, I'd run. But, after he finished his rant, we did have an interesting discussion about metal cards and stock portfolios and yachts and shit that got me kinda hot cause on some level I am a money bitch.. which then lead to subsequent fun after we left the restaurant... where I then discovered we have another thing in common. He has a big dick and as ya'll know I am a huge fan of dudes with big dicks.. Totally had to go in on that.

However, I don't fuck on the first night... anymore (For those of you out there laughing right now because you know me well, you're right and shut the fuck up).. So I managed to maintain some self control and refrain from letting him go all the way. He tried though and he's sneaky so this definitely tested my level of restraint in ways you can't imagine especially since I'm in the midst of a 5 month dry spell.. Bygones... While we were getting slightly intimate though, I was debating on whether or not I should tell him about my Three Date Rule. I didn't. So if he reads this then I guess now he'll know and he better because there will be a quiz at the end.

For real, there are a lot of scandalous, creeper dickheads out there who have massive, deep-rooted psychological issues that run more games than Charles Town Races and Slots. There are also a lot of noncommittal dudes with Peter Pan syndromes who just don't know what they want and feel like they need to sample everything before they finally make up their minds (Pretty sure dude is in the latter category)... But being dudes, they aren't going to turn down sex if you just offer it up like it's nothing. So I don't make the offer... I just dangle it at a future finite point and let them decide if they want to meet the criteria I set forth to get it in.

This one is a toughy because the truth is there isn't really any exact right amount of time to wait since everyone and every relationship is different. Some people, including myself, have had sex on the first night and it resulted in a long term relationship. Others, again including myself, have banged people on the first night and have never heard from them again... or have had to involve the FCPD to get them to leave me alone.

There are also several schools of thought which dictate appropriate amounts of time for various reasons...

Some people of the religious variety choose to wait until marriage... I am not one of those people and if you're reading this you probably aren't either. There is nothing wrong with that if you are though because sex can lose its magic specialness when you have too much of it too soon with shitty people who ruin it for you. But if you're going to wait then you had best make damn sure you pick a great one or you've just shot that waiting all to hell.

Millionaire Matchmaker, Patty Stanger, says you should wait to have sex until you are in a committed, monogamous relationship. There is merit in that. People don't have to commit to you while you're casually dating around and there is no harm in getting to know somebody while they explore their options and you explore yours. Then if you decide that you want to be together you can have that exclusivity discussion and whatnot. But in the meantime, just don't put yourself in a situation where that is going to make a difference to you by fucking them. However, getting to that point takes time.. during which you're not getting any.. which may or may not appeal to you.

The rule is also subjective in that it doesn't put a finite wait time on it. Plus there is no stipulation regarding the level of commitment... other than committing not to fuck other people. I don't need a promise of eternal togetherness before I bang a dude.. In fact, offering me that prematurely will send me running. Personally, I refuse to commit to anyone until I've taken them for a test drive. I'm sorry, but good sex is an extremely important part of a healthy romantic relationship. So if dude can't put it down in the bedroom properly then I could really give a fuck about how great every other aspect is in said relationship.

Then, if we refer to my favorite dating Bible "Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man", my dating guru Steve Harvey says you should abide by the "Three Month Rule". I have 3 words for that... NO FUCKING WAY. No fucking way am I staying celibate for 3 whole months. I'm already in a 5 month dry spell and getting damn close to fucking the wall. If I add 3 more months to that people could die. However, this rule does have merit as well because it has a clear timeline and places more value on your cookie jar. If a man is willing to wait and get to know you for 3 whole months without sex then he has earned your benefits you offer... like a job.

I went ahead and cut that down and instead of 3 months, I decided 3 dates is sufficient.

The THREE DATE RULE:
The three date rule stipulates that no sexual intercourse will take place prior to the end of the third date activity. Upon return from said third date activity then sexual intercourse can and probably will take place (provided you didn't manage to turn me off on the 3rd date, which has happened a few times).

That means we go out on 1, 2, 3 actual dates and do shit and then when you bring me home you can have whatever is on the menu... and my menu is like The Cheesecake Factory menu. It's several pages long. There really isn't much that's not on it and it definitely has at least one special thing to please just about everyone.

So why did I arbitrarily decide that 3 dates is the magic amount of time? Well, they say that one is just one, 2 is a coincidence, and 3 is the establishment of a pattern. Plus, personally, I think a 3 Date Rule is pretty standard. Also, if you're actually paying attention to someone then you can learn a lot about them in just 3 encounters.

It's not just about the getting to know someone though. It's also about demonstrations of worth. Referring back to "Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man" there is a part that talks about placing a high value on yourself. If I'm not worth a few plates of food to you then why the fuck would I give you the entire Cheesecake Factory menu?! Let me break it down even further though because I do in fact place a super high value on my vagina and here is why...

I call my pussy "The Truth" because YOU can't handle it! I'm not sure what it is about my vagina that somehow turns seemingly normal, well-adjusted dudes into psychos and drives sane dudes to the point of needing involuntary commitment to psychiatric facilities. But, it is possible that, perhaps unbeknownst to me, my vagina smells like sunshine and flowers, tastes like candy, is covered in glitter (that I do actually know about), contains the Holy Grail, has unicorns fly out of it, hides the entrance to the magical land of Narnia, and is the key to eternal happiness and everlasting world peace.

This is why the overwhelming majority of men I have had sex with always come back for more... even if I don't want them to. I also worked hard to hone the skills on that menu and take great pride in demonstrating said skills on those who have earned it. Not to mention I'm just super awesome as a person in life. Why would I not expect food and activities and your time in return for all that? Can't be giving that shit away for free to unworthy douches who did not put in work to earn it.

Now that's not to say that you need to refrain from all intimacy on Dates One and 2. I'm no virgin and my Three Date Rule by no means is about being prude. There is nothing wrong with what I like to call "Previews". Go ahead and give him a sample of what you're working with that leaves him wanting more. Show him how you mind those stepchildren. See if he returns the favor. Previews aid in your decision of whether or not you'd like to have that 3rd date.. Cause if he ain't packing and/or putting the spit shine on it properly then we ain't going out again.

As far as the timeline for this goes, the 3 dates do have to be on 3 separate days. I say this because I've been asked by dudes if they can get all 3 dates in in one day. No, you can't. They need to be on 3 separate days. But, there is no stipulation as to the spacing of those days. They could be in a row or several days or weeks apart. So, basically if I meet a dude tonight and he takes me out Saturday, Sunday, and Monday then we could in theory be fucking by Monday night because he would've met the criteria. I will warn you that doing it in what I call the "Crash Course Way" can have its drawbacks and benefits. That is a lot of me and a lot of you in just 72 hours and we will get to know each other very well. By the 72nd hour, you'll either love me or I'll have killed you.

With any rule there are also loopholes... I refer to mine as "The Red Lobster Loophole". Everyone knows I'm a total slut for Red Lobster. Take me to Lobsterfest and buy me lobster and you can have whatever you want any way you want any time you want. It's cool. But, I don't let just anyone take me to Red Lobster. Some dudes who know that have asked and I've been like "Nah, I don't think so. I need to get to know you better before we involve cheddar bay biscuits in this scenario."

Red Lobster is usually a suggestion of a dinner date place I make that let's a dude who does know what that means know I'm trying to let him get it. Sometimes I'm not feelin RL though so I have a couple other equivalent places like Sakura. Add to my porcelain cup collection and it is so on. Ruth's Chris is also another place cause good steak always puts me in the mood.

The other loophole would be if we ran off to Vegas the night we meet and get married. In that case, I would definitely say we've satisfied Patti Stanger's criteria of being in a committed, monogamous relationship which means we can consummate the shit out of our marriage and then go do some gambling. But I have only run across like maybe one guy ever that I'd have actually considered doing that with so I wouldn't bank on using that loophole.

Anyway, the Three Date Rule has worked for me so far. You'd be surprised how few of the dudes have actually made it to the 3rd date though. Usually they kill it by the 2nd.. So prepare yourself to be a little frustrated. Also, just because a dude makes it to the end of a 3rd date doesn't necessarily mean you need to give it up if you're not ready. This rule is really more about validating behavior without feeling like a hooker. So if that's you and tonight just happens to be your 3rd date with someone then remember to shave your legs beforehand and get it gurrrl! In the meantime, current dude still has a couple more dates to get out of the way before he enters my magical land of Narnia so we'll see how that plays out.

Adventures in Dating: Douchebag Dudes With No Game

Now that ya'll are paying attention, I guess I need to start beefing up my Sex, Love, and Dating section because you keep checking it out like you expect to find more than one post. I've been on several dates in the past several weeks and I've been DYING to break them down.

So I had a date a few weeks ago with this guy I met through the dating website I'm on. He was on and off about communicating.. Like we'd talk a lot one day and maybe try to meet up but it wouldn't work out and then nothing for a few days... Then he'd send me these random pics he thought were funny.

This was the first one....

Ummmmm... Yeah, because nothing turns me on or lets me know you're into me quite like pics of tranny dating profiles on PoF. He told me there are quite a few transsexuals on there. My response to him was "If that's what you're into.. I guess the heart wants what the heart wants.. or the penis rather.. Patti Stanger on Millionaire Matchmaker always says the penis does the picking".. He swore up and down he was straight and loved boobs and vaginas.. I was like "Well consciously maybe.. But not subconsciously apparently. Subconsciously I'm sure I'm attracted to a bunch of things I'd never consciously admit to.."

My example was making an Eiffel Tower in a 3-some with this dude and a big-dicked, big-boobed tranny... which the more I thought about it, actually seemed like it could be pretty hot. I like boobs and large penises and theoretically this tranny would have both. He told me he was cool with that and to pick one out... WHAAAAATTTTT?!?!?!? That ladies and gentlemen should've deterred me from ever speaking to this dude again. It is a giant red flag.

Really though, I've gotten to the point with dudes where I just don't care anymore. I'm a douchebag magnet as you will discover. I've been experimenting with new and different ways to push their boundaries and see what they'll let me get away with. Why not right?

Anyway, we tried to meet up and again it did not work out and again I didn't hear from him for a few days. I was about ready to write him off until I got this...

So I laughed because who doesn't love Will Farrell and joking references about male genitalia and A Few Good Men? Then I let him know he'd just about gotten written off because I was tired of being shot down on hanging out. I told him I wasn't going to ask him if he wanted to do anything anymore... but that since he was the dude and I'm theoretically the chick in this scenario, he should be the one asking me anyway... So then he asked me out to dinner.

We ended up going to Champp's because they have karaoke on Friday nights and I wanted to practice my songs for the Fair. I thought he was cute in person but had a serious issue with blinking way too much... either because he has some kind of weird eye condition, thought it was flirtatious, or the more logical explanation, he lies a lot (abnormal amounts of blinking signal lying).

Anyway, we finished dinner and I finished my like 6-7th girly tequila drink and we rolled out. He walked me to my car and I go to hug him and thank him for a nice night. He kissed me... Then copped a feel everywhere like that was supposed to do something for me... Then he says to me "Are you ready to make some poor decisions?" (Sidenote: this dude kept talking to me about making poor drunken decisions. I kept telling him, "I don't make poor decisions. I make bad decisions.. HORRIBLE ones even." For real, who makes poor decisions when they're drunk?)

I just busted out laughing. I was like, "OH. MAH. GOD! Yeah, I'm going to go home alone. That is my decision." Well, he didn't like that very much and began to storm off like a bratty 3 year old who got sand in his crack, packed up his G.I. Joe's, and announced he didn't want to play anymore and was going home. I stood there watching him walk off and was like "Really dude?! WOW! Sorry you didn't bring your A+ game tight enough to close on the first date. Besides, I don't see a tranny anywhere, so clearly you did not come prepared."

For real, if you're a dude, you shouldn't expect to get it in on the first date. Chicks are at least supposed to get a grace period of a minimum of 3 dates before you should begin expecting anything. This dude was actually a good-looking guy who, despite being somewhat corny, probably could've gotten it after another date or 2. But, acting like a bratty little kid is not exactly a turn on.

So, I haven't heard from him since... no weird pics or discussions of poor decision-making... which I'm totally OK with. However, I did see him while I was walking up to the gate at Celebrate Fairfax. I noticed him walking right in front of me and we both did one of those like hand shielding the face moves to try to make ourselves invisible like "Please don't let this person see me." All I could think was "WOW! What a douche!"

His name is Sam. He's like 29-30, 6 ft., black hair, blue eyes, works for US Customs, lives in Alexandria, and lies about his penis size. If you're on PoF and you come across him then duck him like it's your job and avoid him like the plague because he is wack and you don't need that in your life. Trust me. Personally, I'd take that tranny any day over this fool since it would probably be way more fun.



Why Does Dating Suck? Cause Dudes Be Trippin That's Why!

So as I mentioned before I'm a 29 year old single woman and I'm out in the dating world and even on a dating website. I mean I'm WAY out there on the market with a big sign that says "Will Date for Food". I'm not going to say which site though even though I suspect some of you reading this either are friends with me and you're on it too or I've met you through it and in some cases are now friends because we get along great platonically but it just didn't work out romantically. But I have tried a couple different dating sites and am currently on one that's free because the pay sites sucked even worse than the free one. Now I can't really speak to the caliber of the other women on there even though I've heard some horror stories. However, I have divided the men on there into 3 categories: The Players, The Stage 5 Clingers, and The Random Normal Few which are few and very far in between.

First off, I have to admit that I don't have a clue about what I'm doing. I question my pictures and whether they are too conservative, too revealing, too sexy, not sexy enough.. I'm not exactly trying to whore myself out on a dating website but I also don't want to come off as some super prude virgin either. I question my About Me section and if I sound too picky or bitter. I'm prone to ALWAYS saying the wrong things in chatting with these guys. I share WAY more than people probably want to know on principle (obviously). BUT, at least I'm honest about who I am. I cannot say the same about some of the dudes I have met on this site recently. Word to the wise, if you not only claim to have an "Athletic" body type and then took the liberty of posting a picture of yourself on your profile of you with 6-pack abs then that shit had better be current. If you show up with a double chin and a spare tire then what the fuck do you think my reaction is going to be?!? I wear my heart on my sleeve and my emotions all over my face. So if we're looking at each other in person, I'm about as good at hiding my disappointment as you are at hiding the fact that you gained A LOT of weight. Yes, I know looks are only skin deep and you shouldn't be superficial and blah blah blah yada yada yada.. I have 2 words for you 1) Fuck and 2) That. Fuck That! Most days I'm about as deep as a puddle and I'm OK with it. How easy do you think it is to stay a size 4? Not very! I spend a lot of time watching what I eat and doing lunges and shit. Sure I eat cookies like everybody else. But I don't do it all the time even though my Tyrone Biggums cookie addiction is so severe it merits it's own 12 step program because Cookie Monster ain't got shit on me. It's called "moderation" and part of eating healthy is about indulging occasionally so you don't go on a crazy junk food bender. And if I eat a cookie then I watch my calories for the rest of the day via my food diary and exercise a little more to burn it off. I care about how I look and make staying healthy and in shape a priority. I expect the same from any dude I date. Period. Why? Because bad habits either partner has breed shared bad habits in the relationship.

Here is an example of what I've been dealing with in the past couple days... I send a message to this guy. He seems cool. He gives me his number. I text him... and within 5 seconds he goes Stage 5 Clinger on me. He texts me A LOT. He then calls me when I don't respond immediately because I went to the bathroom and my phone was still on silent because I turn the sound off when I'm at work. I'm trying not to read too much into it until he starts telling me about the girls he's met off the site and how crazy they were... and also how they tried to get away from him but were sending mixed signals. **RED FLAGS! No bueno. DEFCON 5** Then he tells me his pet peeves, most notably that he doesn't like it when girls juggle multiple guys from this website and that since I'm the only one he wants to talk to then he should be the only one I want to talk to. **MAJOR RED FLAGS! Ladies and Gentlemen, we are currently elevating the alert from DEFCON 5 to DEFCON 4.** My response to him was that there are a couple of other guys I've been talking to and they seem cool. Since I haven't met any of them yet including him I see no reason why I should dead perfectly good, harmless conversations with anyone until I meet one or all of them in person and make a decision. I said "What happens if I meet you and it doesn't work out but it might have worked out with one of them? I'm not putting all my eggs in just one stranger's basket. That's not happening." He quickly got off the phone because he realized he wasn't going to win that one and said he would call me when he got off work. **GIANT RED FLAGS-DEFCON 3** So I step away from my phone for awhile to do other shit like make dinner and update my blog so you nice people have something to read. I come back and he has blown it up in preparation for said call. ***RED FLAGS!!! BIG RED FLAGS!!! Ladies and Gentleman we are now at DEFCON 2.*** I told him I was working out and to hold off on calling for a bit. He proceeds to blow my phone up even more. Then come the "Where did you go? What did I do? Why don't you want to talk to me?" messages. He starts calling me Miss Vanish. ***MASSIVE RED FLAGS OVERLOAD!!!! WE HAVE REACHED DEFCON 1. Please retreat to your fallout shelters as nuclear war is imminent.*** Then today he texted me again telling me to un-vanish because he didn't want to talk to anyone else. An hour later he sends me a message through the website asking for insight and saying "WHY WON'T YOU TALK TO ME?" ***NUCLEAR FALLOUT!!! And it is now time to resort to official stalker deterrent protocol as previously instructed by the nice officer from the FCPD the last time I was being harassed telephonically by a desperate psycho who just didn't understand that I didn't want to talk to him.***

So I finally responded to the guy with this...

"Because you got weird the second I gave you my phone number and practically wanted some kind of commitment out of me within 10 minutes of our first and only conversation we've ever had when I don't even know you. I tell you I'm working out and you text me like 5 times in the space of 3 minutes when the normal response is typically "Ok. Hit me up when you're done.".. and then it is common practice to actually wait until I respond back instead of interrupting my workout. You are being way too eager, needy, and clingy with me and that has scared me off. I'm done. My best advice is that you chill out on the next one because any girl who responds to the kind of behavior you've exhibited towards me is probably a codependent psycho.. which would explain the girls you told me about. So there is your honesty since you couldn't just take my subtle hint. Please do not contact me further or I will be forced to block you. Thank you and best of luck."

His response was "Rofl"... Somehow I don't think spelling it out for him worked either and he will probably try again shortly... at which point I will be forced to go ahead and block him on the site and via the Sprint site for my phone which they have made so convenient.

I'm at a loss. I don't really feel like dealing with skeezy players who are just looking for a hookup and I DEFINITELY don't feel like dealing with anymore dudes like Mr. Desperate Soon-to-be-Blocked Psycho Stalker. I truly believe the normal guys have probably all gotten tired of this site too and gone back to the old way. But the old way sucks too. Where do you go? I don't want to meet the love of my life in a fucking bar. I go to church and it's all couples. I don't even think they have church singles mixers anymore. My friend Jeannie suggested one of those singles fun and activity adventure groups which sounds like fun but I can't find one near me where the members don't look super tragic. My mom suggested eHarmony which I actually haven't tried but I hear they hoodwink you on the matches. She said she would pay for whatever. She wants me to be happy and she also wants some grandkids so she's starting to get her serious Yenta on.. which I appreciate and am actually OK with.

Saturday when I was out with my mom we went to Michael's down the street from my house so she could load up on arts and crafts stuff. I had to go to the ladies' room. When I came out there was this hot guy standing in the line for Framing. His jaw dropped a little and he stared at me like I was some supreme vision of loveliness moving past him in slow motion. I looked back at him with a look on my face like "DAAAAAYYYYYYUUUUUMMMMM!!!!" I didn't know what to do though so I just kept walking. Maybe I should've smiled at him or something instead of trying to be subtle and play it cool. I think sometimes I play it too cool to my own detriment. I found my mom and I told her all about it. Then I saw him again when he was in the checkout line next to me and my mom. I was like, "That's him." I should've just walked up to him instead of being a chickenshit. It's been 4 days and for some reason I'm still stuck on it. He could've been my soulmate or at least a nice guy with some potential for a healthy, stable, long-term relationship. But then again if he's going to hardcore check me out the way he did, he should've chased me down and said something. My mom wouldn't have cared. She'd have probably helped his cause. We could've fell in love at first sight, gotten married, and had like a gazillion babies. I could see myself still wanting a piece of that and mauling him when I'm 80. THAT's how hot this guy was. I'm tellin ya. It could happen. They make movies about this shit.
Later that day I looked at Match.com, which I was on previously and didn't like. They want to charge you $120 for 6 months at like $20.99 per month. That is a lot of money. My mom is trying to offer it up but I told her to save it. I said to her, "You know what's free and probably way more effective? Growing a pair and walking up to the super cute guy who is staring at me at fucking Michael's and being like 'Hi I'm Niki'!" The moral of the story today ladies and gentleman is that we ALL need to grow a pair. It's time to stop hiding behind our technology and liquor and start approaching people like they did in the olden days before they had all this shit. Ya know what the only singles age group having any luck at finding love is? The fucking Baby Boomer divorcees and widowed people! They have balls and they go out and have a ball. They were dating long before we all had computers and cell phones and the internet so they did all this shit the old-fashioned way and it worked for them. It would work for us too if only we tried it. So the next time you see somebody cute checking you out who you also think is cute, walk up to them and talk to them. The worse that could happen is they'll say thanks but no thanks. The best thing that could happen is you end up meeting that special someone in a grocery store or Walmart or at fucking Michael's.


P.S. If by some random miraculous coincidence you are out there reading this post hot guy who was in the Framing line at Michael's in Fair Lakes this past Saturday afternoon which would've been 4/27/2013, then you should hit me up at AskMissSlik@gmail.com and introduce yourself so we can go for coffee or something.