Honey Badger gives a shit. Honey Badger doesn't really want to eat anything right now. She worked out for a little bit and now she's stuck on the floor listening to dubstep. Honey Badger is tired and she just wants to take a shower and go to sleep.
So as I mentioned earlier today, it turns out I have a B12 Deficiency. My shrink complimented me this evening on my "detective work" to find that out. He asked me what prompted me to Google my blood test results. I told him "If I get a test back that says 'abnormal' for anything then I'm going to find out what that means and why it's like that. It's not like I WebMD-ed myself into having Crohn's disease. The stuff that came up was all things I've heard before that doctors had been watching." He said he wished all patients paid more attention to those things.
Quite frankly, I'm surprised more people don't heed medical warnings and advice about a variety of things. I finally listened to my doctor and quit smoking. I listened to my doctor and have been lowering my sodium intake. I gain a few pounds and my doc tells me to watch my fat intake, I cut it and drop the weight. She recommends these things for my benefit, health, and overall well-being, not her own. If I down large containers of salt, gain 100 lbs, smoke like a chimney, and die from a massive coronary and or stroke then it's really no skin off her nose. Obviously she cares and would be sad if I died... But probably not that sad considering if I'd taken her advice then I'd theoretically still be alive.
Anyway, my shrink is now holding off on renewing my antidepressants because he agreed that I may not need them anymore. He remembered how much better I'd felt last year when I started taking B12 at the advice of a friend after giving up coffee for Lent. Wish I'd known at the time that was why so I could've kept taking them. I'd stopped my antidepressants because I was exhibiting overdose symptoms. Since B12 deficiency causes depression among other things, he thought it best we wait to see if that makes a difference like it did last year. YaY for me. That's one less medication I have to take.
Now, the only problem right now is I feel like ass on a stick. I actually didn't feel this tired before I started taking the supplements. My doctor advised me to take 1,000mg but that didn't feel like it was doing anything. I've been taking 2,000mg instead and it's helping a little.. just not enough. I have a feeling I'm cruising for shots... which does not sound like fun to me.
I believe I got this deficiency as a result of my ulcer and acid reflux issues I got from popping ibuprofen like candy for years while they tried to figure out that I have 2 ruptured discs in my neck. If that's the reason then I can't produce the intrinsic factor that breaks down the B12 in my body.. meaning I could pop this whole bottle of B12 and it wouldn't make a damn bit of difference because my body just can't absorb it.
Either way, I'm exhausted so I will continue catching y'all up tomorrow.
My sincere apologies to you fine interwebs people! I've abandoned you for the past week and a half. Life has been hectic and somewhat unsettling in the past 9 days since my last post. We're going to get into all that later today I PROMISE! I always say that and then most of the time I don't so this time I PROMISE I'm going to get you caught up.
We're about to get pretty candid here from now on. I honestly don't care about hurting anybody's feelings or making anybody unhappy today. Why? Because a lot people are rude douchebag fucktard assholes who deserve to get their feelings hurt a little bit... perhaps even in a public forum. Maybe that will teach them not to act that way anymore... at least one can only hope.
But yeah, I'm freaking angry dude. I got bullshitted at the karaoke championship venue finals because people are wack, playing favorites, and clearly deaf. I've got 99 problems and bitches account for several. A couple dudes in particular are driving me up the fucking wall, one of whom is the reason my leg has hurt for the past couple days. On Friday I found out the results of my blood test I had last Monday when my arm got violated and it turns out that I'm freaking B12 deficient. These supplements are making me feel worse instead of better. My Grampa's birthday was this also this past Sunday and it's the first one since his passing, which was a hard day because I'm still mourning. Oh yeah, and it's my 10 week anniversary since I quit smoking. I just stepped up to Step 3 which is the lowest level of nicotine. The patches are now super tiny. My body is like "FUCK YOU BITCH!!! Where is the nicotine you whore?!?" I'm tellin ya, these patches didn't prevent the irritability from quitting smoking. They just delayed it for awhile. I'm about to break. But first, theme songs of the day....
Today is RAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWRRRRRRRRR METAL!!!! Lots of angry white boy music... First, really been getting into Sevendust lately...
Last week I heard this song on the radio on my way to work and I freaking love it.
Sevendust - Waffle
Sevendust - Denial
But that does not quite express exactly where we're at today. I'm honestly just warming you up... A simple Google search for angry metal songs yielded all the songs below.
This is getting a little closer...
Five Finger Death Punch - Never Enough
Five Finger Death Punch - White Knuckles
Discovered this band in my search that I'd never heard of before but I'm now diggin on as of today... Feel like I want to dedicate this to a certain dude who is driving me crazy and also is responsible for making my leg hurt... which I'm not that mad about considering the circumstances of how it got hurt. No, I'm mad because he's not responding to the couple texts I sent telling him about my leg and also bitching at him for not texting me the other night to tell me he got home OK and didn't fall asleep while driving and end up as roadkill, which he should at least do after practically offering me what in my world is the equivalent to a relationship and then copping out like a punk ass bitch probably because he's having some gut check internal struggle like he always does for whatever reason. So fuck him right now. Guess I should've left him at his previous 2am hooker status instead of getting my feelings fucked with.
Eighteen Visions - Black & Bruised
But here is where we're REALLY at right now....
Static X - Destroy All
Also we are here too...
Hatebreed - Destroy Everything
And we are definitely here for damn sure.. Fucking LOVE Otep! I've been a fan for a couple years now and this is my go-to angry metal...
I'm feeling very tired this evening. Every time I go to the doctor, I keep leaving feeling like a giant pin cushion. Look at my arm. It looks like I either got attacked by a small-mouthed vampire or a very large-mouthed bat.. or like I'm a junkie... none of which are good things.
Today was a follow-up for my bronchitis. Apparently I still have a low grade fever.. YAY for me. I told her I had a few questions based on Googling the results of my blood test from my physical last month. There were some things that were slightly too low and others that were slightly too high. The combination of these blood things indicate, according to Google, one or more of the following... a possible iron deficiency, slight anemia, and/or a thyroid issue.
Now I'm not a hypochondriac so I wouldn't have brought it up if I hadn't heard these things mentioned as possible issues multiple times over the past 15 years. Any one of these things can be contributing to my honey badger binge eating. Thyroid problems, both hyper and hypo, run in my family and my mom recently found out she had some issues with hers so this is something I actually need to look out for. My doctor agreed.So more blood had to be taken in order to check for these issues along with a possible B-12 deficiency.
Well, I did some more Googling and low and behold, it turns out there is such a thing called "Iron Deficiency Anemia". Sounds super serious right? It's really not. It just means I need to eat more things that are rich in heme iron (iron more easily absorbed into the body from meat) and take more Vitamin C to help my body absorb it easier. Non heme iron is good too (iron from enriched products like certain cereals and veggies)
So back to Walmart I went in search of iron rich foods including a large package of salmon, smoked oysters, and some Honey Nut Cheerios. I feel like I'm draggin ass some days and I think it's because I need more of iron. I've been keeping my food diary again pretty religiously and I know I wasn't getting nearly enough protein until recently. *Fingers crossed* these little diet changes will make the difference. I'll keep ya'll posted.
As I mentioned in my post Post Workout Life Saver: The Incredible, Edible F-ing Egg, after my workouts I'm like a ravenous, insatiable honey badger who eats everything in sight. Turns out post workout binge eating is actually a very common problem and protein is apparently the best way to solve it.
I found a great article Post-Exercise Eating: Don't Undo Your Workout on Quality Health. This has a list 8 things you can do to help curb your appetite so you don't completely undo your time in the gym and #7 on the list is "Power up on protein."
"If you don't eat enough protein, you might overeat because
you've burned up all your pre-workout calories. Carbohydrates like fruits,
breads, and cereals are easily metabolized to provide quick-calories. Protein
takes more time and effort to digest, and provides calories for the long haul.
Add a couple eggs to your pre-workout breakfast or have a cup of yogurt
right before you run. Then, munch on a high-protein snack after your
workout."
I've been doing research on protein and found there are two types you want to go for: casein and whey. Both are complete proteins but casein is slow-digesting and whey is fast-digesting. After working out your glycogen stores in your body are depleted so you have to replace them. Your muscles also go into an anabolic state to repair the muscle tissue you just tore down in your workout. While eggs are a great recovery food, they just aren't giving me the kick I need to maximize this anabolic state. Apparently these protein supplements can help build the lean muscle I want and also fix my honey badger problem.
"Casein is the chief protein found in milk and
cheese. Of the true proteins found in milk, about 82 percent is casein. The
other major protein in milk is whey. Some in the physical fitness world,
particularly bodybuilding, like casein because it digests slowly.
It's therefore available for longer periods of time to feed your muscles, as it
congeals in your stomach and takes between five and seven hours before it's
fully digested."
"Whey, or whey protein, is often a staple of a
bodybuilder or athlete's diet, but consuming this protein can have healthbenefits for
many individuals, even if they are not competitive athletes. Whey is made from
cow's milk and is also a product of the cheese-making process. According to the
Whey Protein Institute, this kind of protein is considered the "gold
standard" of proteins because of its high quality. Whey protein is a complete protein, which means it contains every
amino acid the body needs, says the Whey Protein Institute. Leucine is one of
these amino acids, and whey protein isolate contains 50 percent more leucine
than soy protein isolate, according to the Whey Protein Institute. Individuals
who consume more leucine in their diet have been found to have more lean muscle
and less body fat than those individuals who consume less leucine. Whey is an
easily digestible protein and provides muscles with nourishment quickly."
Description from website: Pure Protein® Chocolate Peanut Butter high protein bars are loaded with 20 grams of high quality protein. A pure paradise for peanut butter lovers and anyone who wants to eat good on the go. Keep one close at hand because you never know where temptation is lurking. Pure Protein Bars… High Protein never tasted so heavenly.
My Review: Heavenly my ass! It was absolutely disgusting and super chalky. You bite into it and it tastes good. Then you start chewing it and you're like, "NO! This is so not good!" It takes forever to get it chewed up enough to swallow and then you're stuck with an awful after-taste in your mouth. EPIC FAIL!
Description from website: For many of us, chocolate is heaven. With the Pure
Protein Chocolate Deluxe high protein bars, you get all the flavor of chocolate
without all of the sugar. It’s loaded with 20 grams of high quality protein and
packed with vitamins and minerals. With Pure Protein Bars… heaven isn’t too far
away.
My Review: Well you probably won't find heaven in a package containing this protein bar either. After trying the Chocolate Peanut Butter flavor I'm nervous to even try this one because it probably tastes just as disgusting so I'm going to say also EPIC FAIL!
Description from website: Pure Protein® Shakes were developed as a great-tasting
way to supplement your protein needs and provide a healthy option for pre/post
workouts. You know that protein is essential for optimal body function,
strength, muscle tone and lean body mass. Well, with our shakes, protein never
tasted so good! And, the shakes help satisfy your appetite as a snack while
providing an excellent source of calcium to help build strong bones and a good
source of fiber to support digestive health. With 23 grams of protein, 2% DV of
carbs for low carb lifestyles, NO added sugar** and NO aspartame.....it is time
for you to EAT GOOD and LOOK GREAT!
My Review: It's actually not that bad. It's got kind of weird taste to it, BUT it's tolerable. I've been drinking these before and after my workouts and they actually seem to be helping with both my appetite issue and also I'm starting to notice it's helping my digestive system. This is a WIN! I would recommend trying it for sure.
My Review: If you put this in your kid's lunch then your kid is not only going to hate you forever but you will be guilty of child abuse and CPS should immediately be called on you. It was similar to the Pure Protein bars.. You bite into it and it tastes good. Then you start chewing and it's terrible and you're stuck with a nasty, chalky, disgusting after taste. EPIC FAIL!
Description from website: Double the chocolate, double the flavor. After pushing your
body, you deserve a snack that tastes great, but also has the protein and
nutrients to rebuild muscle. With 21 grams of protein, our double chocolate
protein bar really delivers.
My Review: Life Choice boasts this product as the BEST protein bars and I have to agree with that. No nasty chalky taste and they pack a lot of great stuff into these things. I felt very satisfied and didn't go honey badger on my fridge. I would say this is a TOTAL EPIC WIN! Highly recommend you pick some up from the cereal aisle of your local Walmart because apparently that is the only place you can buy them.
Description from website: Now the delicious taste of nature comes with 10 grams of protein. This Nature Valley Protein Bar is a tempting combination of roasted peanuts and luscious peanut butter all flavored with rich dark chocolate.
My Review: These are freaking scrumptious! I wouldn't recommend them for a post workout snack because they don't have the stuff you need for recovery. BUT I would definitely suggest them as a great snack during the day or as a dessert at night. This is actually what I got them for and they are EPIC WIN!
I'll continue to update you on new products I try and let you know what sucks and what's good. But hopefully this helps you better navigate the world of protein supplement products. If you find any good ones you recommend then please let me know in the Comments section.
Sorry for being MIA the past few days folks. It's been a BANANAS hectic week what with working at my day job, working out, planning/executing a balls out trip to Walmart (I've got some new stuff to review this weekend btw), The Office Series Finale, Vampire Diaries Season Finale (YAY they brought back Jeremy aka Steven R. McQueen whom I have a serious teenybopper crush on.. Just FYI, this kid is Steve McQueen's grandson, as in the star of Bullet), avoiding some dude I don't want to talk to, and semi-stalking my new neighbors to figure out who these weird people are. This has taken a ridiculous amount of mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual energy from me and I'm freaking exhausted.
Anyway, here are your theme songs.. I'm still stuck in Prodigy mode. Here is something I've barely had time to do today.... Breathe with me!
Prodigy - BREATHE
Also another little epic gem I discovered during my workout the other night courtesy of Slacker Radio. They were so ahead of their time it's freaking ridiculous. LOVE THEM.
So YAY for me!!! It's been EIGHT WHOLE FREAKING WEEKS since I quit smoking! I'm super shallow and I was starting to get those nasty lines on my face so I decided my vanity was more important. My health and money were also important factors along with my love life because apparently a lot of health conscious dudes don't like dating smokers.
Honestly, it was the best decision I've ever made and I wish I'd have made it a lot sooner. I'm much happier now. My neck hasn't been hurting like before, probably because I'm not hacking up my internal organs all the time. I'm not having a hard time with my sinuses and allergies now that allergy season is in full effect. I've been working out more. My blood pressure is going down. My follow through has also improved. Things are great at work too. My boss is really proud of me and I'm going for a promotion at the moment. I'm basically kicking ass and taking names like it's my job. There are about 500 more awesome things that are better. I have sooooooooo much freaking energy now I don't even know what to do with it all... Hence starting this blog.
There is only one thing that has suffered in all this... My word game friends are shitting themselves and totally pissed off at me because I've pretty much stopped playing all games on my phone. I just don't have the head space for it anymore and I'm usually never sitting down or standing still long enough to play. When I'm sitting down I'm generally talking to you all fine interwebs people about my life.
OK... So how have I managed to quit? Well, this is my fourth quit attempt.. One, Two, Three, Fourth... Fourth Attempt. This time I'm not doing it cold turkey. I'm using the nicotine patches. Fortunately my health and wellness benefit reimbursed me for my first 2 boxes of patches and then my health insurance company has also sent me enough free patches to aid the entire nation of France to quit smoking. So basically, I have quit smoking for FREE.
My health insurance company's smoking cessation program not only comes with free patches but also a little phone support system. I have a Health Education Coach who answers all my questions about my diet and fitness goals since that has been my main plan for how I intend to stay a non-smoker. I also have a Behavioral Coach to help me with my triggers like my anxiety. They call me every week and we chat to make sure I'm still on track and motivated.
Now here is where I have a problem... I have been waiting for 8 FUCKING WEEKS for a miniature version of Rare Earth to pop out and start singing "I Just Want To Celebrate" to me.. So far it hasn't happened yet. I've had to sing the song to my damn self. Fuck you mini-Rare Earth. This is some blatant false advertising on the part of Nicoderm CQ.
Rare Earth - I Just Want To Celebrate
Well, I was getting ready for work today and had this song stuck in my head...
Prodigy - Firestarter
It occurred to me that this is probably a more appropriate mantra/theme song than Rare Earth because I've been crazy energetic and borderline aggro since I quit smoking... particularly when I've forgotten to put on my patches. I'm guilty of making those same spastic movements in public that whatshisface does in the video.
SO, I've had this lighting flash stroke of genius about starting my own Anti-Smoking Campaign based on this song that will rival those lame TRUTH commercials... which fucking annoy me like no other. It is from henceforth referred to as the Super Slik Stop Smoking Campaign.
The first tagline is "I'm not a smoker. I'm a FIRESTARTER." because once you quit smoking you're going to start doing A LOT more shit with your life instead of smoking. True Story. Now, I know it sounds a little cheesy. However, it kind of has to be because it needs to have that semi-lame mass appeal feel to it. That's how you get the kids on the bandwagon and we want the kids on that bandwagon because smoking is BAD. Remember that the goal is to gently but firmly ingrain that in their heads by brainwashing them with anti-smoking campaigns such as this one.
The second tagline is "Fuck TRUTH!" because their ads only make you want to roll your eyes and change the channel. I don't think they have resulted in a single person going, "Oh my God, that wack band I've never heard of and would never listen to saying smoking is uncool has totally convinced me that I want to quit smoking!" *Makes Leslie Chow jacking off dice rolling hand gestures*
If my Super Slik Stop Smoking Campaign ever builds enough momentum to have commercials then I'd have a mini-version of The Prodigy singing Firestarter while an aggro, energetic person jumps around spastically in a public place because he or she is excited about not giving in to smoking a cigarette like "Fuck you nasty cancer sticks! You don't own me! I'm a Firestarter! BOOM!" It would have to get big pretty quick though so people won't misunderstand that and freak out and call the cops thinking there is a pyromaniac arsonist about to hurt them or something the day this theoretic commercial is filmed.
The fact that I'm coming up with things like this is a testament to where my head has been in the past 8 weeks though. Don't be surprised if this soon becomes a reality on your TV that has your tweens and teenagers calling themselves Firestarters and cursing and reviving old Prodigy songs from the 90's like this gem...
Prodigy - Smack My Bitch Up (Uncensored Original Video Banned From MTV)
Prodigy - Smack My Bitch Up (Still Explicit version of the song but with less boobs and puking)
If they do end up using a rack of 4 letter words that make even you blush and result in them getting detention a few times because they are quoting slogans of the Super Slik Stop Smoking Campaign, look at it this way... What would you rather them do? Swear like sailors or smoke like chimneys? As far as I know, the overuse of curse words has never resulted in cancer or emphysema. There is your TRUTH. This has been a PSA courtesy of H.R.M. Queen of Fairfax Miss Niki Slik.. WOE to the Fucking Republic!
Finally watched an episode of Master of the Mix on VH1 and,
of course, it had to be the one episode where they kick off the ONE freaking
chick left on the freaking show… One chick and like seven dudes… ONE! What kind of
balanced ratio is that?!? What's really funny is they actually talk about the exact thing I'm about to get into during the fucking episode. This show is an example of blatant bullshit hypocrisy.
I’m beyond tired of the music industry carrying itself like some back-ass-wards, repressed, suppressive, archaic, chauvinistic, gender-biased testosteronocracy. Treat it like other businesses out in the real world with employees you hire and pay because, NEWSFLASH, it is one… at least it is for me and other paid musicians out there. Seems like some EEOC principles and Affirmative Action with quotas and shit need to be instituted to force some diversity up in that mix. It’s long past time and people need to be getting with the program.
Apparently there were a total of five other lady DJ's on this show at the start of the season and they all got kicked off first so I'm glad I wasn't watching the show before this episode. It's Episode 6 which actually would mean that almost every DJ to get kicked off so far has been a chick. They were DJ Asha, DJ Dimepiece, DJ Exel, DJ Lisa Pittman, and Tina T. These women all boast some pretty significant accolades so I'm not sure why they all got kicked off because the dudes on there are kinda lame. However, based on what I observed while watching this show they went for DJ's with watered down commercial, mainstream appeal over nitty-gritty, down and dirty hardcore deck-wreckers so us viewers are not exactly getting a pool of the creme de la creme of America's best DJ's to begin with.
Voted Best Female DJ in Las Vegas three times, DJ Tina T currently spins out of one of the most celebrated clubs in the city, the Marquee. An adrenaline junkie by nature, Tina T has performed at events such as the Mountain Dew Action Sports Tour, the SIMA Surf Summit, and the 2011 Formula One Races in Singapore. In her spare time, Tina T operates Camp Spin Off, a summer camp for teens who are interested in becoming DJs.
Here is the episode in case you want to watch it: Master of the Mix: Half & Half. The DJ's were paired up in an EDM (Electronic Dance Music) challenge where they had to share the decks while playing a 2 minute routine. This episode annoys me quite a bit on principle because it's not a fair and accurate representation of EDM. These people are also calling themselves "EDM DJ's" and they really aren't. As a real underground EDM DJ and 13 year rave scene veteran, I can tell the difference between a Top 40 dancey pop wannabe and the genuine artifact. These people are far from the Real McCoy. Genuine EDM DJ's would not water it down with tracks like Avicii Levels. That track is a little over 2 years old. Most EDM DJ's are snobs who keep beyond current on what's new, now, and next. Most also produce their own tracks and would've snuck them in.
Now in all fairness, Tina T pulled a pussy move during her set with DJ Brian Dawe. She didn't do anything but a little bitch scratch show trick for like 2 seconds. Mostly she jumped around and turned some knobs. She let him do all the heavy lifting instead of getting in there and laying it down so she kinda deserved to get kicked off and sent home. It's rather disappointing though because if you get to an arena like this TV show how are you going to let yourself go out like a punk? Fuck that. If I'm going out it's in a fiery supreme blaze of glory or no deal.
There are a crap ton of female DJ’s who are hardcore beasts on some decks out there doing the damn thing. I know because I’m one of them! I find it extremely hard to believe that there wasn’t a rack of solid female turntablists who tried out for that show. How are they not going to have more of them representing?!? Furthermore, how are they going to kick off the select few that actually were on the show first?!?!
Little girls are at home theoretically watching and they need to see themselves represented on shows like this so they can dream their own big dreams of the future. If they don’t, then we lose out on the next generation of female DJ’s. As it is, shit like this is why little girls will aspire to be America’s Next Top Model instead of aspiring to be America’s Next Top DMC Champion.
I was once that little girl. Here are my influences:
The Club Queen DJ K-Swift, 10/19/1978-7/21/2008, may she rest in peace one love. She was a Baltimore Club pioneer and a badass DJ on Baltimore's 92Q radio station, which you may be familiar with if you watched HBO's The Wire. I used to listen to her sets every night from 9-10pm on the radio when I got out of class.
Watching this brings tears to my eyes for real...
Club Queen DJ K-Swift
and this video recorded the day before she died...
K-Swift @ Artscape [R.I.P Khia D. Edgerton]
and also this...
K Swift and DJ Class at Paradox: My Crew Be Unruly 07.18.2008
Also Washington DC's own Sheila Storms influenced me. She's a bad ass booty house DJ and a pretty kick ass lady to hang out with. I remember how excited I got every time I saw her on a flyer and had to be there. I'd have my ass in the room from start to finish for her sets and would be straight mesmerized in awe of this woman.
Here is a pic of Sheila Storms that I snagged from her Facebook profile...
I also found this in her pics which is a flyer for the first party I actually heard her play at...
I remember the day I finally got to meet her. I was out at this Wednesday night Jungle party at this little spot down on 6th Street (I think) in Northwest DC. She was walking down a hallway and I was like "Holy Shit, Sheila Storms!" I was like a freakin giddy super fan and spent like an hour telling her how super crucial she is and how I wanted to be just like her because she was my freaking hero.
Another influence of mine is a hardcore lady turntablist, DJ Shortee of Faust & Shortee. She is straight disgusting, wikkid, sick, maniacal, and downright dangerous on two turntables. I wish I could scratch like her... key word here is "WISH". A lot of people WISH they could touch this chick's skills on some decks including dudes who've been jockin her scratch for decades.
I actually got the good fortune to meet her at the Tunnel in DC years ago. I was up on stage during her set with my eyes glued on her hands watching them fly with lightning speed and pin-point precision. After she was done I came up to her and had another super fan moment and proceeded to tell her for an hour how super crucial she is. I also gave her props for being one of the only female turntablists in existence and how I wish I could do what she does. She gave me some pointers which I actually took home and worked on.
Shortee is the type of female DJ I'm referring to that should be representing on this Master of the Mix show. If she were on this show she'd have spun some sick EDM and destroyed these dudes like nobody's business. She'd have never just jumped around and turned knobs. She did her fair share of the work when she played sets with her tag partner Faust. He was good too but she'd hold her own and sometimes even show him up a little.
Ladies, if you want to DJ, here is what we'll call Lesson #1: Just because you have a pussy, doesn't mean you should be a pussy when it comes to being a fucking DJ. When I first started spinning I had to fight for deck time at house parties and practice tag-team hangout nights with other DJ's, most of whom were guys. It was like a pack of dogs going for a single steak. I would shank a bitch to get my time in if I had to and those dudes knew it.
Now for Lesson #2: Have perfectly honed skills and demonstrate them every chance you get in a massive way. Don't act like a dumb Baywatch bitch behind the decks and just jump around in semi-slow motion and turn some knobs and pretend like you know what you're doing and then call yourself a DJ. What you're doing is reinforcing a stereotype that all female DJ's are just all flash and no substance. You make it a million times harder for us to make any headway. Dudes can get away with half-assing their sets. Women can't. We have to be perfect, precise, on point, and a million times more polished than any dude could ever hope to be. If you're not then you will get labeled as a talentless hooker who must have fucked some big promoter or producer/DJ or at least sucked somebody's dick to get where you are. True story.
Just as an example so you have a point of reference to compare to what you witness on this Master of the Mix show, here is me during an EDM set...
Me: "Move kid. I'm fixing this needle." Dude behind me: "Oh shit! You're using those? I didn't even know people still used those. I thought they were there for decoration." Me: WOW.
Hey, get me something I need!
Why is this shit not working properly?
OK, here we go. Mix# 1.
I'm hot and sweaty.
Turn this. Tweak that.
Fade that in...
OK.. Everything is good... I think?
Get next record
Be a fucking rockstar in the lights
Make deep concentration faces
Turn these knobs to make the mix sound super cool
Boom... Drop that shit
Tweak stuff
Get another record
Mix it in
Damn it's fucking hot in here
Is this good? Why is this not doing what I want? And why the fuck is it so hot in here?!?!
Mix in another record
Sing along with this track cause it's awesome
Get another record
OK, last mix... Almost done.. Time to drop the supreme hotness and shut this MoFo down like I'm the fucking most epic DJ EVER!
NOW time to rock the fuck out to the awesome track I'm shutting shit down with... which was actually a DnB remix of Korn's Falling Away From Me.
Air Guitar Super Champion of the Fucking World!
BOOM! Awesome set done. Time to pack all this shit back up in my bag.
Here are some more pics of me spinning EDM:
My DJ Club Debut at Winter Music Conference 10 years ago
My return to DJing back in June 2009 at RIOT in Herndon after a long hiatus otherwise known as the terrible relationship I stayed in too long...
Shorty's in Baltimore for my BFF Mele's Bday Party
VA Fusion Festival down in Palmyra, VA... My hands are moving so fast the camera can't even catch them...
Do I look like I'm jumping around? Do I look like I'm just turning knobs? HELL to the NO! I ain't worried about looking pretty when I'm spinning. I'm worried about doing work and making it good.
I'm hunching and cringing like I might trainwreck....
I'm concentrating and listening to the beats of the tracks I'm playing to make sure they are on point matched up properly
I'm doing tricks while people move around me in small, confined spaces they call DJ booths
I'm carefully but quickly flipping through my records trying to figure out what track to play next
I'm putting records on
I'm putting the tone arm down where I need it to go
I'm listening
I'm checking shit
I'm adjusting the pitch
I'm paying attention to the levels of the track playing while cuing in the next track
I'm sweating my ass off and making random fucked up looking un-cute faces while my glasses slide down my nose
I'm doing work in high heels like a stylish bad ass.
I'm drinking my free drink while sweating my ass off
I'm jammin out with the people I'm playing for to the awesome tracks I'm throwing down because the point is to be charismatic and fun
You can't jump when you DJ or you run the risk of your vibrations making the needles skip which fucks up your whole set and makes you look like a dumb amateur. You should be concentrating on what you're doing because it's your job. Somebody took the time to book you to perform at their event and you need to be professional about it instead of half-assing your set. If you're an EDM DJ you only get an hour or 2 to play and you need to make the most of it. Jam pack that MoFo with supreme awesomeness and excitement like a thrill-ride at a theme park. If you don't then the attendees who paid to see you play will think you suck and you probably won't get booked again.
Fixing this situation isn't just on the people who hold the keys to the magic music industry kingdom though. It has to start with ladies out there stepping up there game. Just because you made it to the big mainstream show does not mean you can slack off and coast. It does mean you need to be a million times more cognizant of what you are doing and take special care not to act like a dumb, talentless hooker who reinforces those stereotypes. Remember that women need to bring it a bajillion times harder than any man because we get judged by a much harsher standard. Our sets get nit-picked and broken down like we're under the most extreme microscope in existence. One slip and you're done. It isn't fair but it's just the way things are.
So the moral of the story is: Take pride in your craft ladies and don't let them catch you slippin. And also, fuck that Master of the Mix show because it's wack and your time could be better spent watching something way better.
This has been a PSA courtesy of H.R.M. Queen of Fairfax Miss
Niki Slik. Woe to the fucking republic! *Drops mic and steps off of soapbox*
