Well... That's not entirely true... I have a few better things to do... Namely, look for a new day job that pays me money... which I'm actively doing. But that's way easier said than done for a multitude of reasons... The biggest one being that I'm not exactly sure what I want to do next.
For my entire adult working life, my jobs have all been in Accounting doing Accounts Receivable stuff. I hate it. It's soul crushing. I'm not even all that distraught about losing my job because I was extremely unhappy for the majority of this past decade.
My goal when I started working at the organization I just left was always to transfer to a different position in another department once I completed my Bachelor's Degree in Communications. I graduated from GMU in 2011 and was still doing the same job 9 years later... dying a little more inside with every invoice entered and every check reconciled.
My stagnant career path was not stuck from lack of trying to transfer to another department. I applied and interviewed for several jobs during my tenure. But, obviously, I never got hired for any of them for one reason or another.. Mainly because the evil overlords that were my management screwed me over at every turn... And they kept screwing me until they could finally get rid of me.. which took them 11 and a half years because I'm resilient.
But why were they so hard on me? The answer is simple and very sad. I am autistic and autistic employees actually need good management to be good employees. They liked round pegs to go in their round holes and fit molds and be quiet slaves who dwell in caves with their adding machines. That ain't me.
I am a star-shaped peg and their constant attempts to shove me in their plain holes only served to crumple my points and warp me. I kept telling them that and asked why they could never simply create a star-shaped hole on the board for me to go in. All I wanted was acceptance as a person with a disability and the support I needed to do my best. For where I worked and the mission of the organization, this really shouldn't have been an unreasonable request.
Unfortunately, I know I'm not the only person who has had this problem. It speaks to a much greater issue that A LOT of people with mental health conditions face every day when it comes to their work experiences. I know plenty of people who have been disciplined at work and their employment terminated for issues relating to their mental health conditions.. And I'm now one of them... A sad statistic.
There is a massive stigma against employees with what are considered "less visible/less apparent" disabilities and the neurodivergent community.. Simply put.. If you're in a wheelchair then you'll have no problems getting help from work to do your job. But if you're autistic or bipolar then you better gear up for battle if you hope to get anything.
It's not fair. It's definitely not right. But it's happening.
My goal at my now former job had always been to help kill the stigma. It was in line with the mission of the organization so I thought I was in the right place. I probably could have made a significant impact had I been given the chance.. But they did not value me or my contributions or my potential to do great things. So fuck them.
But what happens to the dream and the goal now? Do I just let it go? Do I just go forget about all the people out there getting crapped on? Do I just forget about how I was crapped on? It doesn't seem right.
So now we're coming back to my original dilemma. What do I do next?
First, I'm debating over filing a complaint with EEOC and making a big deal out of my firing. My doctor thinks I should. My friends think I should. I think I probably should. So maybe I should. If I win my suit then I get money to help me live and satisfaction from punishing the place that did me dirty after 11 and a half years. That might help with the whole stigma thing and strike a blow in the heart of injustice.
But what happens in the meantime? What should my new day job be? What do I want to be when I grow up now that I'm actually grown up? I definitely need to answer these questions very quickly but I'm at a loss.
I had dreams when I was younger... So many dreams of what Grown Up Niki looked like. I wanted to be a combo movie star and singer.. Like Cher and Madonna.. I wanted to be a fashion designer for awhile. I also wanted to be a lawyer... which I would have been awesome at. I wanted to be a detective and investigate crimes.. I'd be good at that too. I wanted to be a journalist and write Pulitzer Prize winning articles about important things. I wanted to be a lobbyist and advocate for the downtrodden. I wanted to be President of the United States and lead our country.
All that and Grown Up Niki ended up spending the prime time of her adult working ladder climb sitting in the same chair doing the same job that she got at 25 to pay the bills and help pay for school. Now at age 36, Grown Up Niki is a sad figure and far cry from what Baby Niki imagined.
I feel like this is my time to remedy the situation and repaint the image. I just don't exactly know how to take all the dreams I had, the experience, skills, and education I have, and the reality of what the working world is and focus it all into a new career for which I get paid sufficient money with benefits to pay my mortgage and bills.
All I do know is that I definitely want to write. Written words are my life and using them makes me happy. I know I'm really good at using them to communicate with people to entertain, inform, persuade, and even embolden them. I believe some company, agency, organization, or publication could benefit from having a writer like me to wield on its behalf. But who? How do I get hired to do this for my adult working living? I am open to any and all suggestions. Please leave them below.
No comments:
Post a Comment