So a couple weeks ago I was talking to my friend Jeannie and she says something to the effect of "Well I was trying to get it in but I had my period... Yadayadayada.. I could have if I'd had a Diva Cup." And I'm like "What the fuck is a Diva Cup?"
Ladies, it is a fucking miraculous invention you stick up in your lady business that catches all the blood and nastiness while you go on about your life like it ain't that time of the month. It's good for up to 12 hours and you can do everything with it in including get your freak on without grossing out the dude you're banging.
No more mood killing ickiness that keeps you from getting down. No more sex in the shower (unless you just want to get it on in the shower)... or my personal solution of "Grab a towel and don't look down and quit being a whiny bitch over a little blood." The best thing is no more excuses about red wings and why he can't go down and eat it like a vulture for a week.
Mind fucking blown... Who the fuck knew? No, for real... Which of you bitches knew about this shit and didn't share that with the rest of us? If you did then your sisterhood card has been revoked as of right now.
The menstrual cup has been in existence for as long as I've been "a woman" and nobody had ever said shit to me about it before that day. You would think it would've come up in Sex Ed or The Vagina Monologues or my Psychology of Human Sexuality class or during the hundreds of discussions about tampons over the past 16 years... But no.
Well, I was expecting a gentleman friend to come over a couple days after Jeannie and I had this conversation... which was unfortunately the same day I was also expecting my monthly visitor. I had sort of resigned myself that after a couple weeks of waiting I was just going to have to wait longer... and we'd actually have to talk about stuff which we kinda needed to do and actually still need to do without sex complicating the situation. But I'll be damned if he's not really fun to get complicated with.
Sidenote.. The night I met this dude I happened to be on the rag. We were making out and unbeknownst to him I was rockin the double up (tampon with a pantiliner for extra protection.. Raise your hands if you feel me because you've done it too or are rockin it right now). Dude starts feeling up on my booty all right where the liner is and I'm thinking "Ahhhh dammit! He's going to think I have a diaper on or something." So I went ahead and admitted what was going on down there and he was like "Ooooohhhh... Is that what that is? I was afraid we had a granny panties situation or something." So fucking embarrassing.
I mean, on the bright side, it sort of killed the mood which kept me from being a total hooker with this über scrumptious, slightly younger dude I'd just met a couple hours before that. I kinda wasn't sure how I was going to get naked in front of that anyway. But all I could think this time was "Man, if this thing comes before or, God forbid, during I'm going to be annoyed and this dude is probably never going to call me again."
So I did some Googling to find out more about this miraculous invention and here's what I found...
First, the term Diva Cup is kinda like using the words Kleenex, Scotch Tape, Jacuzzi, and Velcro. They're just brand names. The proper term is "Menstrual Cup" and there are several different brands.
Behold the Diva Cup .. Available in 2 sizes because your inside lady business apparently changes after you have a kid. This one is reusable for years. You just have to clean it every 12 hours. Price: $39.99
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| http://divacup.com/products/the-divacup/ |
Next is the Lunette.. Also reusable and also available in 2 sizes. Price: $39.99
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| http://www.lunette.com/index.php?id=14 |
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| http://www.lunette.com/index.php?id=14 |
And for all you noncommittal, try before you buy types like me... There is the Softcup. It comes in disposable and reusable but only for one cycle then you throw it out. Price: $7-10
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| http://softcup.com/about/product-info |
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| http://softcup.com/about/product-info |
Personally, I went with the disposable Softcup because it actually says you can have sex with it in on the box and all over the website. Much to my shigrin, dude is flakey so I didn't get to actually test this out the way I'd intended. Fear not though, they do make battery operated devices for just such an occasion and it worked fine. No fuss. No muss. No icky hot red mess. Plus I got a box of 14 from Harris Teeter on sale for like $6 I think... like basically the same price as a box of tampons.
However, I will give you the same warnings I was given. One, I read in the Softcup testimonials and also in another blog article reviewing the Softcup and then from my coworker about her roommate that some women have issues taking it out. I didn't have that issue so I'm thinking this must be user error or these ladies had some weird vaginas. If you've ever used a Nuvaring it's basically similar to putting that thing in and taking it out except the ring on the Softcup is a little more dense. It hurt a tiny bit taking it out but not enough that it really bothered me.
Also, it is kinda messy when you remove it so make sure you have plenty of toilet paper handy to stick in it and wrap it up in if you're using a disposable one. I'd also recommend keeping some wet ones handy to clean off your fingers.
If you're using a reusable one then I read you'll definitely want a bottle of water to rinse it if you're out and about. But since you can wear it for up to 12 hours and take it out and put it back in whenever I'd suggest timing it so you're home or at least have access to a proper bathroom versus a public restroom.
You'll also need some cleaner for the cup. Diva Cup makes some but I'd recommend some sex toy cleaner since it's virtually exactly the same... Plus you may already have it to clean your special battery operated friend.
Jeannie said I would be "different down there"... which was basically her nice way of saying your pussy is not going to get wet on its own. She's right. It's not quite like the Sahara but you'll definitely experience a lack of necessary moisture so you're going to need some help in the form of a personal lubricant.
Now for some shameless promotion of my friends which you know I don't have a problem doing in exchange for awesome free shit... Since you'll be needing some lube and also maybe some toy cleaner, hit up Jeannie Beach because she is a purveyor of lady business merchandise. You can email her at jeanniebeach@hotmail.com or check out her Pure Romance Consultant Website. While you're at it you can also pick up a new vibrator to conduct your own personal research or just because you need a new one as well as get some makeup and skin care stuff since she also happens to be a Mary Kay consultant as well.
For realz though, I freaking love the Softcup. I may invest in a reusable version soon just because I feel like that might be more cost effective and they do last for years. I just know I will NEVER EVER EVER EVER stick another wad of fucking cotton (to quote Vagina Monologues even though those bitches let me down) up in my cooch EVER AGAIN.
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