The Beginning of the GoT Nerd-Out and Miss Slik's Book Club

http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_Song_of_Ice_and_Fire

So I just finished Book One of A Song of Ice and Fire by George R. R. Martin.. Otherwise titled "A Game of Thrones" and am now about 100 pages into Book 2: "A Clash of Kings". The more I read, the more disappointed I get with the show Game of Thrones on HBO. There are a crap ton of things they aren't including in the show that I really think they should have and it is epic fail in my opinion. 

So if you're a fan of the show then I highly recommend you start reading the books of George R. R. Martin's "A Song of Ice and Fire" as well. They are all super long but they are an easy read and so far are blowing my mind. For those who start reading, are currently reading, and have read the books I'm starting a new segment of Miss Slik's Guide called "The GoT Nerd-Out". Oprah has a book club so maybe it's high time I start one too. I think I'll call it Sliktastic Scholastics... or something to that effect.

Now you can buy the books at any bookstore, Walmart, Target, the Google Play Store, Amazon, etc.. But, since they are pricey, for those who want to read them but don't have the money to spend you can download them for free... Yeah, I said FREE... from a website I found called archive.org. This website is fantastic and has just about every book available for free that you could probably think of along with a variety of other media available for.. Yeah, you guessed it.. FREeeeEeeeEEeeeeEEEE. This website is the answer to the disappearance of actual libraries where you can go check out books for free.

Here is the link:

Archive.org - A Song of Ice and Fire Free Book Download

On the right side of the page is a column with the books in various formats including PDF and Kindle so you can download all of 5 books out so far for free to your phone, tablet, Kindle, and computer... or you can just read them online through the website.

I downloaded them in PDF to my droid and tablet and read them through Adobe Reader versus POLARIS Office 5 (you know what that is if you have a Samsung Galaxy like I do) because it saves my spot in the book and pulls it right up on the page I was on every time. If you read them through POLARIS, you'll have to remember what page you were on and search for it every time which is a pain in the ass.

There are a few downsides to downloading the books though. One, you won't have fancy books to add to your bookshelves in your living rooms or offices to show off your smartness to other people. Another is that apparently the actual book copies come with artwork that is not in the free downloadable versions. Since I like having book copies to both show off my smartness and would also like to see the artwork, I will probably invest in the book volumes at some point.

In the meantime, all you GoT Super Fans now have no excuse to not start reading these books. My personal goal is to finish them up by next season so I can grit on the show and yell at my TV. I challenge you, My People, to do the same so come Spring and the start of Season 5 of GoT you can yell at your TV's too. At least you'll know who is going to die next so all your Facebook friends can't ruin it for you.

I'll also be doing some posts discussing all things GoT on the blog and also on the Miss Slik's Guide Facebook Page so if you haven't already "Liked" it, then go get your thumbs up icon click on. I encourage you to comment on these posts and share your thoughts, opinions, and GoT theories as well. Hence why this segment of Miss Slik's Guide will be called "The GoT Nerd-Out"... So get on it, don't sleep, and happy reading. 

Miss Slik's Dating Advice: The 48 Hour Rule

So there is this movie based on a dating self help book that I'm sure EVERYONE in the English speaking world has heard of called "He's Just Not That Into You." For those who haven't seen it in awhile or at all I'll give you a brief synopsis of the parts that are relevant to this post:

Decently pretty, nice, but slightly obnoxious, brunette chick goes out a date with dude from Entourage (the short, ginger guy who played Eric) and he ends the night with a hug and an "I'll call you." She thinks the date went great but he was whatever about it so he has zero intention of ever calling her again... It turns out this is because he's actually in love with another chick played by Scarlett Johansson.. But it is an unrequited love as he is her mayor of Friend Land who she keeps on the hook while she's off fucking Bradley Cooper's character who is married to brunette chick's coworker. Meanwhile, brunette chick is glued to her cell phone and landline for days on end waiting for this dude to call, answering every time it rings with a quickness even while she's in the shower, hanging up on her mom a bunch of times to keep the lines clear, and obsessing about it with her girlfriends. He doesn't call so she tries calling him. He doesn't answer so she leaves a carefully scripted voicemail... which he then ignores. Instead of taking the hint, she attempts a desperate drop-in at this bar he told her he hangs out at so she can "accidentally" run into him. He isn't there so she asks the bartender about him who turns out to be dude's best bro and he obviously knows his boy is never going to call her. He feels bad for this sad, pathetic girl so he breaks the news to her that "he's just not that into you."

Where am I going with this? Well, the reality of the situation is we've all been that sad, pathetic girl who has waited by the phone and obsessed over why the person we were interested in that we thought really liked us too has not called us back or responded to our texts. This goes for dudes as well because you damn well know you too have been that girl.

I know I've damn sure been that girl and I finally got tired of it. So I asked myself, how long is a reasonable amount of time to devote to waiting on someone to respond to you before you decide to let it go and move on? I decided that the answer is 48 hours which lead to me instituting what I call "The 48 Hour Rule."

THE 48 HOUR RULE: If the person that you are "talking to", dating, and/or involved with in some kind of intimate 'status as of yet undefined' relationship who has been in communication with you every day for more than one week suddenly does not contact nor respond to you for a period of more than 48 hours then you should automatically assume that he/she is either dead, in a coma, or blowing you off.

Now for men, this rule is a little tricky because you are traditionally tasked with the role of being the initiators of contact with women... Meaning she's waiting for you to text or call and doing her best to be cool in the process. So if you're waiting 2 days for her to send a "Hey, how's it going?" text then you'll end up breaking the 48 Hour Rule for her since those texts are supposed to be your move. But if she doesn't respond for 48 hours once you've initiated contact then she's the rule breaker.

Why did I arbitrarily decide that 48 hours is the magic amount of time? Well, a lot can happen in a day and sometimes you just don't get a chance to contact someone or respond because all hell broke loose. But the odds of it breaking so loose for 2 days in row that you can't even find time to send a quick text responding to someone are pretty slim. Plus, if you've only been talking to this person for a couple weeks and maybe been on one or 2 dates then you really shouldn't be devoting more than about 2 days worth of your time being loyal to that person and waiting on them if they aren't responding to you.

If and when this 48 Hour Rule is broken, then 48 hours and one minute after whenever the time was you last heard from that person should be your cue you to begin the moving on process and find a new person to "talk to", date, or involve yourself with in a new intimate, undefined relationship.

People always want to dwell on all these what-ifs instead of facing reality... Maybe he didn't get my text. Maybe he was just busy. Maybe he lost his phone. Maybe he just suddenly fell off the face of the fucking planet where time, space, cell phones, cell phone towers, landlines, computers, laptops, Facebook, email, the internet, snail mail, telegrams, morse code, ham radios, vehicles and gas for which to drive to your home and visit you in person, carrier pigeons, and all other various means, methods, forms, and avenues of communication cease to exist.

Use social networking as your judge. If this person can find time to Facebook, tweet, stagram, tumbl, vine, etc., but somehow can't spare 5 seconds to respond to your text then you obviously know they are not dead and they clearly have good enough reception and access to communication devices to hit you up. This is a pretty good indication that they are just ignoring you... with one exception.

I'm actually taking my sweet ass time responding back to a very scrumptious man I'm legit interested in who is actually new dude I've begun moving on with from old, slightly younger dude who has now officially broken the 48 Hour Rule for the last fucking time as he is a repeat offender. I'm not blowing him off in the standard sense because I'm busy updating my blog which I will then share on my social networking profiles and pages... which will be immediately followed with a text to him so he doesn't get pissed off cause dudes are fucking sensitive creatures. But I know I've started a very short clock.

You'll drive yourself crazy speculating over it thinking what if and there must be some other reason why this person has suddenly just stopped talking to you. If that person is legitimately interested in you and knows they are going to be incommunicado for a couple days for whatever reason then they will give you a heads up about it so they know you know they aren't blowing you off.

Also, occasionally shit does happen where that person has some emergency situation that is of higher priority than you. Hence why the rule includes deaths and comas. Assume he or she died or is in a coma they will never wake up from, mourn their passing, and get on with your life. If this person comes back from the dead or wakes up 6 months later then YaY... But you'll probably have moved on by then.

Many times I will hear from a guy after 72 or 96 hours with some bullshit excuse and an apology. My response to that is usually something to the effect of "Oh good, you're alive." Then I either accept his apology and put him in check on my communication expectations and let him know I had started the moving on process... or I just blow him off in return because I've found someone else.

If this happens to you then how you choose to deal with the offender is at your discretion. It really depends on how much you like that person. Just be forewarned that person may be a repeat offender who will ghost out on you again and again until you get tired of it... much like I did with aforementioned old, slightly younger dude. Other times that warning shot is enough for them to get the point and come hell or high water they will always get that text in by the 46th hour.

Once the 48 Hour Rule has been broken, DO NOT attempt to initiate further communication. I repeat, DO NOT FUCKING CONTACT THIS PERSON AGAIN UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES OR FOR ANY REASON WITH THE EXCEPTION OF NOTIFYING THEM OF PREGNANCY OR CONTRACTION OF AN STD FROM THEM.

When someone you're interested in suddenly stops talking to you, it seems to be everyone's first inclination to send that "Is everything OK?" text. DO NOT DO IT! Odds are that person still won't respond to you so your second inclination will probably be to send the "Why aren't you talking to me?" text. That person still probably won't respond. So then your third inclination will be to send some kind of "What the fuck?" text. Then finally you'll send the "Well it's your loss cause I'm moving on so fuck you." text.

Honestly, not one damn bit of good can come from any of that. When you move on, you don't have to announce it. They probably don't care anyway so it's best not to bother. Just do it quietly. Sending those texts just makes you look psycho and affirms why that person doesn't want to deal with you. It could also be that maybe this person kind of liked you but is exploring his or her options. You're not in a committed relationship so they are free to do as they please without explanation... As are you. But sending those texts is a big turn off so you just took yourself out of the running of the options.

It's best to save those inclinations for when someone who you are in an actual, committed, legit relationship with breaks the rule.. Meaning you have straight up had a discussion and resulting agreement of mutual exclusivity regarding dating and sex. Now if that person breaks the 48 Hour Rule then you have a perfect right to get bitchy and go psycho and demand a reason for broken contact because they have restricted your ability to move on and date and fuck someone else without a formal ending to the relationship. But until you reach that point of commitment then your best response is just to do you... and maybe start doing somebody else who you will probably find you like better.

Honestly, 9 times out of 10 there is no special reason other than he or she is just not that into you. Dude told pathetic brunette girl that if a guy is interested in a girl he's going to make it happen. The same actually goes for both men and women because dudes often wonder whahappin if the object of their interest suddenly stops responding to them.

If I'm really interested in a man then I'm like brunette girl.. dopey and obsessing while I'm waiting for the dreamy dude I like to text me either for the first time that day or to respond to me. When he does, I wait at least a few minutes so as not to seem like I've been waiting all fucking day for my phone to go off... then I respond back as cool and casually as I'm capable of because my game is solid and I don't want to give him any sort of impression that I've been obsessing and waiting for this moment all fucking day. But I'm definitely making it happen and doing my part to reciprocate interest.

In the meantime while you're still in obsessive sad mode and realize you're getting blown off, find other ways to cope that don't involve staring at your phone because it will only make you more depressed. If typing a passive aggressive, vague Facebook status you know he'll probably see makes you feel better then go for it... within reason so you don't look psycho. Personally I like to type long winded passive aggressive blog posts instead because that's my coping mechanism. No one ever wants to be rejected by the person they like. The feeling of rejection is probably one of the shittiest of all feelings. Rather than accepting rejection you always want to give that person the benefit of the doubt... much like brunette chick did in the movie.

It really doesn't matter why or what you did because that person is clearly an asshole who either got turned off by something you did unintentionally or met someone else they like better and just didn't have the balls to tell you that you're not the one for them. As much as all of us have been brunette chick, we've all been that asshole who hoped someone would get the hint. I've had to break down and do my own dirty work because FCPD has made it clear they do not exist to end my relationships with obsessive men.

Regardless, all of it shows a lack of consideration and respect for you and you don't need that in your life. Know your value and find someone worthy who is willing to pay that price. Those who refuse are best left alone.

Dafuq Ladies? Why Haven't We Talked About This Before?!

So a couple weeks ago I was talking to my friend Jeannie and she says something to the effect of "Well I was trying to get it in but I had my period... Yadayadayada.. I could have if I'd had a Diva Cup." And I'm like "What the fuck is a Diva Cup?"

Ladies, it is a fucking miraculous invention you stick up in your lady business that catches all the blood and nastiness while you go on about your life like it ain't that time of the month. It's good for up to 12 hours and you can do everything with it in including get your freak on without grossing out the dude you're banging. 

No more mood killing ickiness that keeps you from getting down. No more sex in the shower (unless you just want to get it on in the shower)... or my personal solution of "Grab a towel and don't look down and quit being a whiny bitch over a little blood." The best thing is no more excuses about red wings and why he can't go down and eat it like a vulture for a week.

Mind fucking blown... Who the fuck knew? No, for real... Which of you bitches knew about this shit and didn't share that with the rest of us? If you did then your sisterhood card has been revoked as of right now. 

The menstrual cup has been in existence for as long as I've been "a woman" and nobody had ever said shit to me about it before that day. You would think it would've come up in Sex Ed or The Vagina Monologues or my Psychology of Human Sexuality class or during the hundreds of discussions about tampons over the past 16 years... But no.

Well, I was expecting a gentleman friend to come over a couple days after Jeannie and I had this conversation... which was unfortunately the same day I was also expecting my monthly visitor. I had sort of resigned myself that after a couple weeks of waiting I was just going to have to wait longer... and we'd actually have to talk about stuff which we kinda needed to do and actually still need to do without sex complicating the situation. But I'll be damned if he's not really fun to get complicated with.

Sidenote.. The night I met this dude I happened to be on the rag. We were making out and unbeknownst to him I was rockin the double up (tampon with a pantiliner for extra protection.. Raise your hands if you feel me because you've done it too or are rockin it right now). Dude starts feeling up on my booty all right where the liner is and I'm thinking "Ahhhh dammit! He's going to think I have a diaper on or something." So I went ahead and admitted what was going on down there and he was like "Ooooohhhh... Is that what that is? I was afraid we had a granny panties situation or something." So fucking embarrassing. 

I mean, on the bright side, it sort of killed the mood which kept me from being a total hooker with this über scrumptious, slightly younger dude I'd just met a couple hours before that. I kinda wasn't sure how I was going to get naked in front of that anyway. But all I could think this time was "Man, if this thing comes before or, God forbid, during I'm going to be annoyed and this dude is probably never going to call me again."

So I did some Googling to find out more about this miraculous invention and here's what I found...

First, the term Diva Cup is kinda like using the words Kleenex, Scotch Tape, Jacuzzi, and Velcro. They're just brand names. The proper term is "Menstrual Cup" and there are several different brands.

Behold the Diva Cup .. Available in 2 sizes because your inside lady business apparently changes after you have a kid. This one is reusable for years. You just have to clean it every 12 hours. Price: $39.99

http://divacup.com/products/the-divacup/

Next is the Lunette.. Also reusable and also available in 2 sizes. Price: $39.99

http://www.lunette.com/index.php?id=14

http://www.lunette.com/index.php?id=14

And for all you noncommittal, try before you buy types like me... There is the Softcup. It comes in disposable and reusable but only for one cycle then you throw it out. Price: $7-10 

http://softcup.com/about/product-info

http://softcup.com/about/product-info

Personally, I went with the disposable Softcup because it actually says you can have sex with it in on the box and all over the website. Much to my shigrin, dude is flakey so I didn't get to actually test this out the way I'd intended. Fear not though, they do make battery operated devices for just such an occasion and it worked fine. No fuss. No muss. No icky hot red mess. Plus I got a box of 14 from Harris Teeter on sale for like $6 I think... like basically the same price as a box of tampons.

However, I will give you the same warnings I was given. One, I read in the Softcup testimonials and also in another blog article reviewing the Softcup and then from my coworker about her roommate that some women have issues taking it out. I didn't have that issue so I'm thinking this must be user error or these ladies had some weird vaginas. If you've ever used a Nuvaring it's basically similar to putting that thing in and taking it out except the ring on the Softcup is a little more dense. It hurt a tiny bit taking it out but not enough that it really bothered me.

Also, it is kinda messy when you remove it so make sure you have plenty of toilet paper handy to stick in it and wrap it up in if you're using a disposable one. I'd also recommend keeping some wet ones handy to clean off your fingers. 

If you're using a reusable one then I read you'll definitely want a bottle of water to rinse it if you're out and about. But since you can wear it for up to 12 hours and take it out and put it back in whenever I'd suggest timing it so you're home or at least have access to a proper bathroom versus a public restroom. 

You'll also need some cleaner for the cup. Diva Cup makes some but I'd recommend some sex toy cleaner since it's virtually exactly the same... Plus you may already have it to clean your special battery operated friend. 

Jeannie said I would be "different down there"... which was basically her nice way of saying your pussy is not going to get wet on its own. She's right. It's not quite like the Sahara but you'll definitely experience a lack of necessary moisture so you're going to need some help in the form of a personal lubricant. 

Now for some shameless promotion of my friends which you know I don't have a problem doing in exchange for awesome free shit... Since you'll be needing some lube and also maybe some toy cleaner, hit up Jeannie Beach because she is a purveyor of lady business merchandise. You can email her at jeanniebeach@hotmail.com or check out her Pure Romance Consultant Website. While you're at it you can also pick up a new vibrator to conduct your own personal research or just because you need a new one as well as get some makeup and skin care stuff since she also happens to be a Mary Kay consultant as well.

For realz though, I freaking love the Softcup. I may invest in a reusable version soon just because I feel like that might be more cost effective and they do last for years. I just know I will NEVER EVER EVER EVER stick another wad of fucking cotton (to quote Vagina Monologues even though those bitches let me down) up in my cooch EVER AGAIN.

Where the Fuck Have I Been and What the Hell Do I Want?

I've been gone for a minute but now I'm back once again with the serious ill behavior. I've gotten a crap ton of messages asking when and if I'd be getting back on my blog... Many of these messages came from a devoted reader and friend named Phil who has been asking/bugging me for months because he missed reading my awesome incites and anecdotes and couldn't live without them. So shout out to him. He definitely gets the award for the Sliktastic Super Fan of the Year.

So whahappin? Where have I been? Well, one thing that happened was I was just getting burnt out. This blog became like a second job that I just couldn't maintain at the same pace on top of other things I had going on. I missed it though. I also missed all of you my people. I just couldn't stay away. I hope you can find it in your hearts to forgive me.

Now that things have chilled out a bit I want to start building Miss Slik's Guide to Gracefully Faking it Through Life back up to its former glory... which won't take much because I'm sure all 10 of you who were reading it before are still out there and loyal enough to come back. So for you I make this deal, I promise I will update the blog at least once a week. I know you'd like more but too fucking bad.

Another thing is the blog was fucking up my dating game. Though it was entertaining for me to write and no doubt for ya'll to read about my tragic dating life, it is kinda hard to date dudes when they are paranoid that you'll blow them up on the internet if they fuck up. I became concerned since it seemed to be scaring off some of the potentially good ones.

This was probably a mistake because I feel like the standard of treatment of me by dudes went downhill significantly. So now I've decided they need to live in that fear. They should be haunted by it daily and have nightmares about it whilst they sleep. Somewhere there has to be a moment of reckoning and karmic retribution for the douchebags of the world... and also the decent guys who act like inconsiderate, immature morons... so they might finally learn from their mistakes and become better men.

The reality is that any man who is worth my time, energy, love, undying devotion, and a change of Facebook relationship status would be secure enough in himself to have the quality of his character and the size of his junk discussed on the internet. He would also be supportive enough of me to let me live out my Sex and the City dreams through my blog without pitching a bitch about it. Those who aren't are probably douchebags with tiny dicks that I really shouldn't be wasting my precious moments of my life on anyway. In the words of the great Lady Gaga, "Can't sleep with a man who dims my shine."

However, the biggest reason for my ghosting out is that I was dealing with some family stuff and felt I probably shouldn't be near the blog. My mom got diagnosed with ovarian cancer last Fall which fucked my world up. I was very stressed out, which in turn, made me extremely sensitive and antagonistic. That might have made for some great, über-dramatic blog posts... But then I'd have had to deal with some massively pissed off people and I was not in the best position to do that.

While my mom isn't quite out of the woods yet, she's doing better than she was. On the other hand, my Godmother Juji who was diagnosed with terminal cancer took a turn for the worst and passed away a little over 2 months ago. She was an amazing lady and I freaking miss her.

Juji's passing has been inspiring me lately though. Life is short and you really don't know how long yours is going to be. She lived a full, epic life and thinking about her makes me feel like I'm wasting a good deal of mine... which needs to change.

There are so many things I want to do that I'm not doing like:
Seeing the world since I've never been outside the country
Becoming a "One Hit Wonder"
Inventing a dance craze
Finally writing that children's book so I can get that J.K. Rowling money
Making the New York Times Bestseller List for said children's book or some other book I could write
Getting my own show
Becoming a stand up comedian
Competing on MasterChef

The list really goes on and on but just those things are a lot to accomplish. Since the blog is probably a great catalyst for at least some of that, here I am again trying to build this thing back up. So, let's get started shall we? Somebody needs to take on The Chive and put an end to those lame ass, annoying green KCCO t-shirts. Why not me right? I'm pretty sure I can come up with much less annoying t-shirts for people to wear while still fully exploring the world of underboob.

Twerked Out Tuesday Theme Songs: Time for Twerkathon OH-14!

So I've been gone for a minute... OK.. Maybe like 5 minutes.. dealing with some family stuff but now I'm back with the jump off... Cause ya know I had to kick off Twerkathon OH-14!

So first up... You know it! It's the 2 Chainz Song of the Day! I've been diggin on this song for a minute.. Not sure if I've included it in a previous blog.. but fuck it if I did cause it's hot enough to recycle. It's off the BOATS II: Me Time album and it's called Used 2...

Next up is a bonus 2 Chainz Song of the Day because I've neglected you for so long and I feel like you deserve it. This one is called Headbands by B.o.B featuring 2 Chainz...

Next up are some twerktorials. The first is a video my boy Hippie actually posted on my Facebook profile because he thought I would appreciate it.. I did. Now you can too. It's twerktorials choreography from the girls at the Fraules Dance Studio in Russia and definitely the best white girl twerk team videos I've seen...

I also found this from FraulesGirl aka Elena Ninja of her dancing alone after classes. Her fall into the split is pretty crucial...

More proof white girls can actually twerk...

Next up, some songs for you to practice in front of that mirror girrrrrrlllll....

Here is the song from the first video. It's called FM$ by New Boyz...

Here is the song from the 2nd instructional video. It's called Exercise Ya Body by Tropkillaz featuring JSTJR...

Next is new Kstylis off his mixtape he put out a few months ago called King of Twerk... I think was an answer to my call for new Kstylis twerk tracks since this blog is his biggest fan sooo You're Welcome!

This one is called Daisy Dukes Back featuring Drone Boyz....

This one is called Twerk Star... which you will hopefully be by now thanks to the twerktorials and the long break you've had to practice...

And finally... I've been going buck over this song lately. It's called FDB by Young Dro featuring the one and only 2 Chainz! So actually you get 3 2CSotD's!

Get it in and stay up!