Friday, March 27, 2015

Miss Slik's Ballin on a Budget Must Have Beauty Buys for Your Face!

So I'm out Wednesday night doing being out things.. I walk into the ladies room to tinkle and find this youngin chick reapplying her makeup. I was laughing about it because it was almost midnight and the bar I was at was super dark.. So I posted a status update about it that said, "Damn girl, your makeup must suck if you reapplying it in the bathroom at this point. Need to get that long wear shit bitch!" This wasn't even just a little touch up though. She was actually caking more of the stuff on. There is no reason for that. There is actually never any reason for that. Caked on makeup makes chicks look cheap and is a sign of immaturity. Less is more ladies. Less is more.

Anyway, my friend Nani commented on my status and pointed out that you don't always know someone's situation and some ladies that are on super tight budget can't necessarily afford better makeup. I'm in that boat and I can tell you for sure that you don't need to spend a fortune at the mall makeup counters just to look good. So that, along with a trip to Target last Sunday to load up on new makeup stuffs, inspired me to go in on the low down on the good beauty buys I've found that range from super cheap to relatively inexpensive.

The reality is there are a lot of little companies which have emerged in recent years that put out Clinique quality makeup at Wet n Wild prices. These companies like Rimmel London, NYC New York Color, and e.l.f. Cosmetics seem like the cheapy sections you should pass over while you look for the more recognizable the more recognizable brands like Cover Girl and Maybelline... But maybe you should 86 that shit and get the London look instead.

 So... Let's get started.. Here is everything you need to make your face look super dope...

SKIN CARE ESSENTIALS:

Skin care is sooooo important. The better you take care of your face the less makeup you need to cover it up. I see all these chicks in all these makeup tutorial videos and they spend half their time trying to show you how to cover up bad skin. Wouldn't it be more prudent to spend time on how to actually fix your skin instead? I'm going into this because I'm shocked how many women don't focus on this. 

Yesterday, one of my coworkers even told me that she didn't know what toner was. I had to clutch my pearls and about fell out of my chair. She explained though that as a teenager she was lucky enough to be blessed with clear skin so she didnt have to worry about following strict skin care routines to combat the dreaded acne plight from which so many others suffered. It's only now in her late 20's and early 30's that stuff is starting to catch up with her and she isn't quite sure of what to do about it. I have a sneaking suspicion she is not even close to being alone in that.

Your daily skin care regimen should ALWAYS have these 4 crucial basics:
  • Cleanser - Cause you need to wash shit off your face every day even if you didn't wear makeup. It's called bacteria. You don't need all that morning burst fruit shit either. Go for something basic.
  • Toner - Cause cleanser doesn't get all that shit off your face. You need something that gets deep down into your pores and removes what the cleanser didn't plus any cleanser buildup. It's like clarifying your face.
  • Moisturizer - Again you don't need all that fruit shit. Something mild, oil free, and preferably with sunscreen.
  • Exfoliating Face Scrub - Nothing harsh.. and stay away from that Saint Ives shit cause it will break you out. You can actually make your own with stuff from your kitchen pantry items. Here is a great DIY recipe for a Brown Sugar Facial Scrub With Honey. You don't really need to add that essential oil stuff. It's just for scent to make it fancy so don't worry about it. Get a little tupperware container or one of those empty airplane travel shampoo bottles to put it in so you can keep it in the shower.
The cleanser, toner, and moisturizer should be used twice daily in the morning and at night. The exfoliating scrub should be used 1-2 times a week before you wash your face. But, do not... I repeat.. DO NOT use the scrub if your face is freshly broken out because it will aggravate your zits and take them longer to heal.

First off, you need to know your skin type. The basic skin care types are: Normal (which like NOBODY has.. but if you do then fuck you you lucky bitch), Dry, Combination Dry, Oily, Combination Oily, and Sensitive.. I'm really not sure why Sensitive skin gets its own type though because you can have Combination Oily Sensitive skin like me or Dry Sensitive, Oily Sensitive... You get the point.

To find this out you can do one of 2 things... Take $22 and hit up the Clinique counter at Macy's or Lord & Taylor during Bonus Time (cause I'm all about free gifts with purchase) and have one of the nice ladies there tell you your skin type. You can actually get them to tell you for free.. But if you're going to the counter and making them spend time on you then you should probably buy something because I'm pretty sure they still work on commission. This is actually what I did several years ago and my face cleared right up after I starting using the right stuff for my skin type.. which is Combination Oily Sensitive.

You can also take a quiz to find out. I found a somewhat accurate one on the Total Beauty Website called the Total Beauty Skin Analysis Quiz.
It asks you 10 questions about your skin and then gives you your results with your skin type and advice on what kind of products you should and should not use.

Once you know your skin type, you need to do some research on good products suited to your needs and also any concerns such as dark spots, blemishes, fine lines and wrinkles, etc. If you're really not sure though then there are a few brands you generally can't go wrong with like Neutrogena, Simple, and also Garnier. 

Unless you're a teenager, I'd stay away from stuff like Clean & Clear and products with salicylic acid because if you're an acne prone adult that shit will over dry your skin and make it break out more. The keywords you're looking for here are "dermatologist tested", "non-comedegenic" and "hypoallergenic".


It really is the #1 dermatologist recommended brand and it seems to work for a lot of people. Their products are reasonably priced and you can Shop By Solution to find a list of products for your skin type and individual skin concerns. Personally, I don't like their toners because they don't seem to get enough of the oil out of my skin. The Deep Clean Scrub was also too harsh and broke out my face.


I actually switched from Neutrogena to Simple Skin Care because it's designed specifically for people with sensitive skin and it's all oil free. I love this brand and they actually have a Simple Sensitive Skin Experts Daily Face Care Regimen 3 Piece Kit for sale at Target for $14.99 that includes a full size cleanser, moisturizer, and a pack of 25 face wipes. All you need is some toner and a scrub and you are good to go.

I love their Facial Cleansing Wipes and use them every night because when I'm tired all that makeup removal and face washing and toning just seems so daunting. These wipes have all 3 steps in one. Then I just put on some dark spot corrector, night cream, and eye cream (Yeah you need all that shit once you hit your late 20's ladies for the rest of your damn life) and I'm good to go. I would advise against just strictly using facial cleansing wipes though because you really do need to wash your face with cleanser and water at least once a day.



Garnier has been great for me. I've found several products that I absolutely freaking LOVE. Their website has a Garnier Virtual Skin Checkup where you can answer a few questions and plug in your skin type to see a list of products suited for you.

Now for the extras because I'm guessing ya'll aren't teenagers anymore either. Like I said, once you hit your late 20's your skin starts saying "Fuck you!" All that shit you did in your teens and early 20's like forgetting your sunscreen comes back to bite you in the ass. Those acne marks stop going away on their own and you're left with red spots every time you get a zit. Plus you also want to get on that anti-aging stuff or you'll be regretting it by your late 30's. For me, almost all my extras are Garnier.


Get it. It works. I put the green jar all over my face and the red jar deep wrinkle stuff on my worry line. The Deep Wrinkle is a little too thick to put all over my face. They're like $13-15 depending on where you go. Also, make sure you're putting some on your neck and chest as well.. This will help you avoid a wrinkly line down the center of your décolletage so when you're sporting a bit of cleavage in low cut tops it will stay looking sexy.
 


Put it around your eyes twice a day so you don't get crows feet and shit. It's also like $13-15 depending on where you go.

For dark spots like those acne marks that won't go away:


LOVE this shit.. I do not understand why it only gets 3.5 stars on the Garnier website. It works so well and fast. Put it on for daytime and do it every day for a week. You will become a believer. It's lIke $15-17.


This you put on at night before the night cream. It also works well and is like $15-17. Sometimes you can find the day and night in a kit for like $30. But that kit will last you like 6 months and it's well worth it.

For those occasional zits though...


This is one thing Clean and Clear and salicylic acid are actually good for.. It's prescription strength and gets rid of zits quickly. It's like $5.

 Just a quick FYI, for those of you with bad allergies who are prone to breaking out in hives like me, make sure you know the difference between a zit and a hive bump because they can sometimes look exactly the same. You can kinda tell because zits you can generally feel coming on under the skin whereas hive bumps just kinda appear out of nowhere. Keep some cortisone on hand and put it on those hive bumps. They will magically disappear about as quickly as they came on.

Last, but not least though is eye makeup remover. 


I just got this Rimmel London Gentle Eye Makeup Remover the other day and it's so great. It gets all the crap off my eyes without any greasy, oily residue left over. It's only $4 and I highly recommend it over the Clinique stuff I was using for years and even the Neutrogena. 


MAKEUP MUST HAVES:

NOW comes the makeup... 

First, if you want to look like your camera ready all the time then you need good tools. Makeup brushes are important for achieving that flawless airbrushed look. Trust me, those little foam tipped joints that come with your eyeshadow ain't gonna do it. I have 3 different makeup brush sets because I am a firm believer that one can never have too many foundation brushes and fluffy eye shadow brushes. 


This  e.l.f. Professional Complete Set of 12 Brushes is a great starter kit. It is only $12 and includes: Concealer Brush Blush/Bronzer Brush, Foundation Brush, Blending Eye Brush, Smudge Eye Sponge, Eye Liner Brush, Total Face Brush, Defining Eye Brush, Eyelash & Brow Wand, Lip Defining Brush, Brow Comb & Brush, and an Eye Shadow Brush. You really can't beat that even if you tried.





 You also need a makeup brush cleaner. I just got the e.l.f. Cosmetics Daily Brush Cleaner the other day to try out. You spray, rinse, blot them on a paper towel and let them dry. It's pretty convenient and only $3. They also have brush shampoo which is probably better for thorough cleaning and it's also $3. I cannot stress enough though that you need to clean your brushes. If you don't, then they will get bacteria which will break your face out.


Next.. Face Primer...


Cardinal Makeup Commandment #1: Thou shalt always Prime thy face whenever thy bitch ass wears any foundation.


I got turned onto Primer last year when I began exploring the world of contouring makeup.. which we'll get into a bit later. This one from Rimmel London got great reviews so I tried it. It's dope. That little tube will last you like 6 months and it runs around $6-7. Just remember a little dab will do you and you need to let it set for like 5 minutes before you put anything else on over it.


BB Cream


http://www.beautezine.com/tag/bb-cream/



I freaking love BB Cream. For those who don't know, BB Cream is fucking magical. It is a tinted moisturizer, sunscreen, face primer, and face perfector all rolled into one. I actually use BB Cream more than I do foundation. For this I also go for Garnier. It comes in 4 shades: Fair to Light, Light to Medium, Medium to Deep, and Deep. They even have it for different skin types and in anti-aging. You just need to be in your skin tone range and it will blend properly. BB Cream is light coverage though, which makes it great for Spring and Summer.. But it's not so great at covering up bad skin.. which is why I can't stress enough how important all that skin care stuff truly is.

Contouring makeup...
You want to look modelesque then you need to use contouring makeup. It's really not that complicated. You just need to take a bronzer that is 2-3 shades darker than your skin tone and shade in the outside of your face and from the inner ends of your eyebrows down to the outside of your nose. Then do a highlighter on your T-zone, upper eyelids, below your eyes, and above your upper lip.

Here is a helpful guide:



To Shadow or Contour...


















http://www.musingsofamuse.com/2012/01/nyc-new-york-color-cosmetics-sun-n-bronze-nyc-new-york-color-cosmetics-smooth-skin-perfecting-primer-for-spring-2012.html

To contour I use NYC New York Color Sun 'n' Bronze Bronzing Powder in Montauk Bronze. Wet your fingers or a sponge to apply for better coverage. Then for just regular every day bronzing I use the Fire Island Tan. I'm like light to medium skin tone so browse through the shades and adjust accordingly. My friend Manda is more medium and I used the Montauk Bronze on her for regular bronzing if that helps give you an idea. They are $5.

To Highlight...

L'Oréal Paris Magic Lumi Light Infusing Primer



It runs around $13 but that little bottle has lasted me for months and I'm still not out yet so I'm going to say that's worth it. It's also a universal highlighter so everyone can use it. It just gives you a brighter glow and hint of shimmer.

 They have contouring kits but I haven't found one yet for cheap. The second I do I'll be sure to let you know.

Foundation...

 Here is the problem with buying foundation at any place that isn't a makeup or department store.. How do you pick the right one to match your skin tone? Go to Target and use the tester bottles. If they don't have one, make one. Have no fucking shame. Stand in that aisle all fucking day if you have to and put each one on the back of your hands. When you find ones that match closely with your skin tone then try a little on your face. Bring some tissues with you. Again, have no fucking shame.

 I have 2 I like... 

L'Oréal Paris True Match Lumi Healthy Luminous Makeup



Comes in an array of different shades for ladies of every tone and color. If you get relatively close, even if it's off slightly, it will still somehow magically blend to match. It's weird but true. It runs around $13 and lasts for awhile. It's not a long last but it will get you through the day.

Neutrogena Nourishing Long Wear Makeup



This one is great. It says it lasts for 12 hours... but it really lasts from the time you put it on until the time you wash it off. It runs around $16. The drawback to this one is it only comes in 8 shades and the darkest they have is Warm Beige. I'm a Nude and Warm Beige is only 4 shades darker than me. So if you're a woman of color I'd write Neutrogena and tell them that's pretty fucked up. They should have shades of this shit for every lady. Call them racists and I guarantee they'll expand that line in a hurry.

Eyes...

Thou shalt always Prime thy face... This includes thine eyes. Eye primer will extend your eyeshadow wear and keep it from running and creasing. 

NYC New York Color City Proof 24 HR Eye Primer


This eye primer is a long wear that lasts from the time you put it on until you wash it off and extends the wear of your eyeshadow an additional 4 hours. It's $3 and comes in a bunch of colors. This one is Universal which means it's for everybody. Maybe Neutrogena should take that hint.

Rimmel London Scandaleyes Shadow Stick



It's a long wear and can be used alone or as a primer. Personally I like the Bulletproof Beige. Each stick is $5.

NYC HD Color Trio Eye Shadow




This eye shadow is the jam. It comes in a variety of different color combos. They're long wear and don't crease. My personal fave is Bronzed in Brooklyn and I wear that shit all the time. It's a great neutral combo that looks good on probably just about everybody. They've got some dope ones in Springy colors too and they're only $3 a pop.
Rimmel London Scandaleyes Gel Eye Liner


If you don't know about the gel eyeliner then you need to find out. This one from Rimmel London is fan fucking tastic. It's about $5.50 and is a super long wear that stays for 24 hours. It also comes with that nice eyeliner brush. Now if you've never used an eyeliner brush to apply eyeliner then I suggest practicing applying it on a night when you're bored. It's great for doing smoky eyes and classic pinup style makeup looks. 


This is also a great eyeliner. It's runs about $8.50 and is a 16 hour wear. It comes in a a few different shades but my fave is the Carbon Black. This one is also retractable and has a little built in sharpener and smudger.

Wet 'n' Wild Kohl Kajal Brow and Eyeliner Pencil



These Wet 'n' Wild eye pencils should be a staple of every woman's makeup kit. They are like $1.. Yeah, one dollar. They wear well and come in a gazillion different colors. I about shit myself the other day when I ran across one in Rose Buff because I hadn't seen it in years. It matches my skin tone perfectly and is a great every day eyeliner for daytime looks. 



This is my absolute favorite mascara. I pretty much refuse to use anything else. It makes my top lashes look almost like fake ones and the applicator brush is fine enough to do my bottom lashes without making them look clumpy. It's a waterproof long wear that runs around $9.




This eyebrow kit is the jam and it's only $3. You take the stiff angle brush and apply the gel, then a little fluffy brush to on the powder, then use your spooley  (the mascara wand looking joint) to blend it in. It comes in like 4 different shade duo combos to match any eyebrows. Get it cause it makes a difference. I used to a pencil and look....

Before the eyebrow kit... Looks like I have no eyebrows.



With the eyebrow kit... See now I look like I have eyebrows.





Cheeks...



For those of you who dig on cream blushes, this one is a long wear and lasts up to 24 hours. It comes in 5 shades and runs around $3.


For those of you that dig on powder blushes, this NYC one is great too. It comes in 4 shades and also runs for about $3.

 Lips...

 Thou shalt always Prime thy lips too ladies...

This one is another long wear that lasts 24 hours and is also only $3. It comes in different shades including Universal. Personally I like the nude one because it matches my lip color.  
Sticking with the NYC, this lip color is great too. It comes in a rack of shades and also is only $3.

Finish it off... 




Finally, you've gone to all this trouble to apply all this makeup and get your face looking right. Now you need to seal that shit in for however long you'll be out and about with a face powder. This one from NYC is my fave. It's translucent so it goes on clear which means everyone can wear it no matter your skin tone. Face powder sets your makeup so you won't have to reapply it like bathroom bitch so this shit is an absolute necessity... And guess what? That shit is only $3.

BOOM! Now you've been schooled by Miss Slik on what's good for your face. Go out this weekend and get your shop on. Bear in mind that you can also Google for coupons for a lot of this stuff to get it even cheaper and if you go to Target you can get 5% off with your Red Card too... And I repeat, have no fucking shame!

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Friday, March 20, 2015

Miss Slik's Guide to Dating: The 3 Date Rule

So I'm always gone for a minute, but I think ya'll are used to that by now so I'm just going to stop apologizing for it. Still doesn't mean I don't feel bad and love you and blah blah blah... But sometimes I need breaks to find new inspiration for shit so I'm not boring you or flipping out when I'm dealing with drama and making things worse in my everyday actual life by blasting people on the internet. Anyway...

Ok... So when last we left off, in Miss Slik's Dating Advice: The 48 Hour Rule we explored the question of how long you should wait when the person you've been talking to stops talking to you before you move on. Well, today kids I'm going to weigh in on another pressing dating question that plagues women everywhere every day including tonight since it is a date night... How long should you wait before you have sex with somebody you've just started dating?

In this day and age of a million dating sites and apps and whatnot, if you are a single person you could probably successfully line up at least one date for every night of the week. I know because I've done it and between nice dinners and nice leftovers haven't had to go food shopping for weeks at a time. But I needed a way to weed out the ones who were actually worth more than just some nice leftovers. I also can't bang my way through the internet for a multitude of reasons. So I came up with my own rule where I arbitrarily decided that I would give up the goodies after a certain number of dates.

Speaking of which, this particular post was sort of inspired by the date I went on last weekend with the latest dude I've been "talking to" who I did meet through Tinder. Now I told him this post wasn't about him.. and it's not.. which alleviated his momentary anxiety when I told him I was writing a blog article since he knows about my dating douchebags segments. However, I did not say that he was not mentioned nor did I say I wouldn't discuss our date sooo...

And the date went Ok.. I guess. He isn't my usual type, but he's definitely very cute.. like so dreamy I just want to put a poster of him above my bed and draw star hearts on it. He's a guitarist in a local band so we have the music thing in common. We also both like to read and have fairly unique personalities. However, he did go on this rant when I asked him about his last relationship and said things to the effect of thinking he was genetically predisposed to not having deeper feelings for people and also that he's not a big fan of monogamy... all of which I think is bullshit and something he should never tell another woman ever again ESPECIALLY on a first date whether he honestly believes it or not. To me it came off kind of like that episode of Seinfeld where Elaine is talking to Jerry's virgin girlfriend about how guys plan exit strategies during dinner by saying shit like "Yada yada yada.. I have to get up super early tomorrow."

Under normal circumstances, I'd run. But, after he finished his rant, we did have an interesting discussion about metal cards and stock portfolios and yachts and shit that got me kinda hot cause on some level I am a money bitch.. which then lead to subsequent fun after we left the restaurant... where I then discovered we have another thing in common. He has a big dick and as ya'll know I am a huge fan of dudes with big dicks.. Totally had to go in on that.

However, I don't fuck on the first night... anymore (For those of you out there laughing right now because you know me well, you're right and shut the fuck up).. So I managed to maintain some self control and refrain from letting him go all the way. He tried though and he's sneaky so this definitely tested my level of restraint in ways you can't imagine especially since I'm in the midst of a 5 month dry spell.. Bygones... While we were getting slightly intimate though, I was debating on whether or not I should tell him about my Three Date Rule. I didn't. So if he reads this then I guess now he'll know and he better because there will be a quiz at the end.

For real, there are a lot of scandalous, creeper dickheads out there who have massive, deep-rooted psychological issues that run more games than Charles Town Races and Slots. There are also a lot of noncommittal dudes with Peter Pan syndromes who just don't know what they want and feel like they need to sample everything before they finally make up their minds (Pretty sure dude is in the latter category)... But being dudes, they aren't going to turn down sex if you just offer it up like it's nothing. So I don't make the offer... I just dangle it at a future finite point and let them decide if they want to meet the criteria I set forth to get it in.

This one is a toughy because the truth is there isn't really any exact right amount of time to wait since everyone and every relationship is different. Some people, including myself, have had sex on the first night and it resulted in a long term relationship. Others, again including myself, have banged people on the first night and have never heard from them again... or have had to involve the FCPD to get them to leave me alone.

There are also several schools of thought which dictate appropriate amounts of time for various reasons...

Some people of the religious variety choose to wait until marriage... I am not one of those people and if you're reading this you probably aren't either. There is nothing wrong with that if you are though because sex can lose its magic specialness when you have too much of it too soon with shitty people who ruin it for you. But if you're going to wait then you had best make damn sure you pick a great one or you've just shot that waiting all to hell.

Millionaire Matchmaker, Patty Stanger, says you should wait to have sex until you are in a committed, monogamous relationship. There is merit in that. People don't have to commit to you while you're casually dating around and there is no harm in getting to know somebody while they explore their options and you explore yours. Then if you decide that you want to be together you can have that exclusivity discussion and whatnot. But in the meantime, just don't put yourself in a situation where that is going to make a difference to you by fucking them. However, getting to that point takes time.. during which you're not getting any.. which may or may not appeal to you.

The rule is also subjective in that it doesn't put a finite wait time on it. Plus there is no stipulation regarding the level of commitment... other than committing not to fuck other people. I don't need a promise of eternal togetherness before I bang a dude.. In fact, offering me that prematurely will send me running. Personally, I refuse to commit to anyone until I've taken them for a test drive. I'm sorry, but good sex is an extremely important part of a healthy romantic relationship. So if dude can't put it down in the bedroom properly then I could really give a fuck about how great every other aspect is in said relationship.

Then, if we refer to my favorite dating Bible "Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man", my dating guru Steve Harvey says you should abide by the "Three Month Rule". I have 3 words for that... NO FUCKING WAY. No fucking way am I staying celibate for 3 whole months. I'm already in a 5 month dry spell and getting damn close to fucking the wall. If I add 3 more months to that people could die. However, this rule does have merit as well because it has a clear timeline and places more value on your cookie jar. If a man is willing to wait and get to know you for 3 whole months without sex then he has earned your benefits you offer... like a job.

I went ahead and cut that down and instead of 3 months, I decided 3 dates is sufficient.

The THREE DATE RULE:
The three date rule stipulates that no sexual intercourse will take place prior to the end of the third date activity. Upon return from said third date activity then sexual intercourse can and probably will take place (provided you didn't manage to turn me off on the 3rd date, which has happened a few times).

That means we go out on 1, 2, 3 actual dates and do shit and then when you bring me home you can have whatever is on the menu... and my menu is like The Cheesecake Factory menu. It's several pages long. There really isn't much that's not on it and it definitely has at least one special thing to please just about everyone.

 So why did I arbitrarily decide that 3 dates is the magic amount of time? Well, they say that one is just one, 2 is a coincidence, and 3 is the establishment of a pattern. Plus, personally, I think a 3 Date Rule is pretty standard. Also, if you're actually paying attention to someone then you can learn a lot about them in just 3 encounters.

It's not just about the getting to know someone though. It's also about demonstrations of worth. Referring back to "Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man" there is a part that talks about placing a high value on yourself. If I'm not worth a few plates of food to you then why the fuck would I give you the entire Cheesecake Factory menu?! Let me break it down even further though because I do in fact place a super high value on my vagina and here is why...

I call my pussy "The Truth" because YOU can't handle it! I'm not sure what it is about my vagina that somehow turns seemingly normal, well-adjusted dudes into psychos and drives sane dudes to the point of needing involuntary commitment to psychiatric facilities. But, it is possible that, perhaps unbeknownst to me, my vagina smells like sunshine and flowers, tastes like candy, is covered in glitter (that I do actually know about), contains the Holy Grail, has unicorns fly out of it, hides the entrance to the magical land of Narnia, and is the key to eternal happiness and everlasting world peace.

This is why the overwhelming majority of men I have had sex with always come back for more... even if I don't want them to. I also worked hard to hone the skills on that menu and take great pride in demonstrating said skills on those who have earned it. Not to mention I'm just super awesome as a person in life. Why would I not expect food and activities and your time in return for all that? Can't be giving that shit away for free to unworthy douches who did not put in work to earn it.

Now that's not to say that you need to refrain from all intimacy on Dates One and 2. I'm no virgin and my Three Date Rule by no means is about being prude. There is nothing wrong with what I like to call "Previews". Go ahead and give him a sample of what you're working with that leaves him wanting more. Show him how you mind those stepchildren. See if he returns the favor. Previews aid in your decision of whether or not you'd like to have that 3rd date.. Cause if he ain't packing and/or putting the spit shine on it properly then we ain't going out again.

As far as the timeline for this goes, the 3 dates do have to be on 3 separate days. I say this because I've been asked by dudes if they can get all 3 dates in in one day. No, you can't. They need to be on 3 separate days. But, there is no stipulation as to the spacing of those days. They could be in a row or several days or weeks apart. So, basically if I meet a dude tonight and he takes me out Saturday, Sunday, and Monday then we could in theory be fucking by Monday night because he would've met the criteria. I will warn you that doing it in what I call the "Crash Course Way" can have its drawbacks and benefits. That is a lot of me and a lot of you in just 72 hours and we will get to know each other very well. By the 72nd hour, you'll either love me or I'll have killed you.

With any rule there are also loopholes... I refer to mine as "The Red Lobster Loophole". Everyone knows I'm a total slut for Red Lobster. Take me to Lobsterfest and buy me lobster and you can have whatever you want any way you want any time you want. It's cool. But, I don't let just anyone take me to Red Lobster. Some dudes who know that have asked and I've been like "Nah, I don't think so. I need to get to know you better before we involve cheddar bay biscuits in this scenario."

Red Lobster is usually a suggestion of a dinner date place I make that let's a dude who does know what that means know I'm trying to let him get it. Sometimes I'm not feelin RL though so I have a couple other equivalent places like Sakura. Add to my porcelain cup collection and it is so on. Ruth's Chris is also another place cause good steak always puts me in the mood.

The other loophole would be if we ran off to Vegas the night we meet and get married. In that case, I would definitely say we've satisfied Patti Stanger's criteria of being in a committed, monogamous relationship which means we can consummate the shit out of our marriage and then go do some gambling. But I have only run across like maybe one guy ever that I'd have actually considered doing that with so I wouldn't bank on using that loophole.

Anyway, the Three Date Rule has worked for me so far. You'd be surprised how few of the dudes have actually made it to the 3rd date though. Usually they kill it by the 2nd.. So prepare yourself to be a little frustrated. Also, just because a dude makes it to the end of a 3rd date doesn't necessarily mean you need to give it up if you're not ready. This rule is really more about validating behavior without feeling like a hooker. So if that's you and tonight just happens to be your 3rd date with someone then remember to shave your legs beforehand and get it gurrrl! In the meantime, current dude still has a couple more dates to get out of the way before he enters my magical land of Narnia so we'll see how that plays out.
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