So as I mentioned before I'm a 29 year old single woman and I'm out in the dating world and even on a dating website. I mean I'm WAY out there on the market with a big sign that says "Will Date for Food". I'm not going to say which site though even though I suspect some of you reading this either are friends with me and you're on it too or I've met you through it and in some cases are now friends because we get along great platonically but it just didn't work out romantically. But I have tried a couple different dating sites and am currently on one that's free because the pay sites sucked even worse than the free one. Now I can't really speak to the caliber of the other women on there even though I've heard some horror stories. However, I have divided the men on there into 3 categories: The Players, The Stage 5 Clingers, and The Random Normal Few which are few and very far in between.
First off, I have to admit that I don't have a clue about what I'm doing. I question my pictures and whether they are too conservative, too revealing, too sexy, not sexy enough.. I'm not exactly trying to whore myself out on a dating website but I also don't want to come off as some super prude virgin either. I question my About Me section and if I sound too picky or bitter. I'm prone to ALWAYS saying the wrong things in chatting with these guys. I share WAY more than people probably want to know on principle (obviously). BUT, at least I'm honest about who I am. I cannot say the same about some of the dudes I have met on this site recently. Word to the wise, if you not only claim to have an "Athletic" body type and then took the liberty of posting a picture of yourself on your profile of you with 6-pack abs then that shit had better be current. If you show up with a double chin and a spare tire then what the fuck do you think my reaction is going to be?!? I wear my heart on my sleeve and my emotions all over my face. So if we're looking at each other in person, I'm about as good at hiding my disappointment as you are at hiding the fact that you gained A LOT of weight. Yes, I know looks are only skin deep and you shouldn't be superficial and blah blah blah yada yada yada.. I have 2 words for you 1) Fuck and 2) That. Fuck That! Most days I'm about as deep as a puddle and I'm OK with it. How easy do you think it is to stay a size 4? Not very! I spend a lot of time watching what I eat and doing lunges and shit. Sure I eat cookies like everybody else. But I don't do it all the time even though my Tyrone Biggums cookie addiction is so severe it merits it's own 12 step program because Cookie Monster ain't got shit on me. It's called "moderation" and part of eating healthy is about indulging occasionally so you don't go on a crazy junk food bender. And if I eat a cookie then I watch my calories for the rest of the day via my food diary and exercise a little more to burn it off. I care about how I look and make staying healthy and in shape a priority. I expect the same from any dude I date. Period. Why? Because bad habits either partner has breed shared bad habits in the relationship.
Here is an example of what I've been dealing with in the past couple days... I send a message to this guy. He seems cool. He gives me his number. I text him... and within 5 seconds he goes Stage 5 Clinger on me. He texts me A LOT. He then calls me when I don't respond immediately because I went to the bathroom and my phone was still on silent because I turn the sound off when I'm at work. I'm trying not to read too much into it until he starts telling me about the girls he's met off the site and how crazy they were... and also how they tried to get away from him but were sending mixed signals. **RED FLAGS! No bueno. DEFCON 5** Then he tells me his pet peeves, most notably that he doesn't like it when girls juggle multiple guys from this website and that since I'm the only one he wants to talk to then he should be the only one I want to talk to. **MAJOR RED FLAGS! Ladies and Gentlemen, we are currently elevating the alert from DEFCON 5 to DEFCON 4.** My response to him was that there are a couple of other guys I've been talking to and they seem cool. Since I haven't met any of them yet including him I see no reason why I should dead perfectly good, harmless conversations with anyone until I meet one or all of them in person and make a decision. I said "What happens if I meet you and it doesn't work out but it might have worked out with one of them? I'm not putting all my eggs in just one stranger's basket. That's not happening." He quickly got off the phone because he realized he wasn't going to win that one and said he would call me when he got off work. **GIANT RED FLAGS-DEFCON 3** So I step away from my phone for awhile to do other shit like make dinner and update my blog so you nice people have something to read. I come back and he has blown it up in preparation for said call. ***RED FLAGS!!! BIG RED FLAGS!!! Ladies and Gentleman we are now at DEFCON 2.*** I told him I was working out and to hold off on calling for a bit. He proceeds to blow my phone up even more. Then come the "Where did you go? What did I do? Why don't you want to talk to me?" messages. He starts calling me Miss Vanish. ***MASSIVE RED FLAGS OVERLOAD!!!! WE HAVE REACHED DEFCON 1. Please retreat to your fallout shelters as nuclear war is imminent.*** Then today he texted me again telling me to un-vanish because he didn't want to talk to anyone else. An hour later he sends me a message through the website asking for insight and saying "WHY WON'T YOU TALK TO ME?" ***NUCLEAR FALLOUT!!! And it is now time to resort to official stalker deterrent protocol as previously instructed by the nice officer from the FCPD the last time I was being harassed telephonically by a desperate psycho who just didn't understand that I didn't want to talk to him.***
So I finally responded to the guy with this...
"Because you got weird the second I gave you my phone number and practically wanted some kind of commitment out of me within 10 minutes of our first and only conversation we've ever had when I don't even know you. I tell you I'm working out and you text me like 5 times in the space of 3 minutes when the normal response is typically "Ok. Hit me up when you're done.".. and then it is common practice to actually wait until I respond back instead of interrupting my workout. You are being way too eager, needy, and clingy with me and that has scared me off. I'm done. My best advice is that you chill out on the next one because any girl who responds to the kind of behavior you've exhibited towards me is probably a codependent psycho.. which would explain the girls you told me about. So there is your honesty since you couldn't just take my subtle hint. Please do not contact me further or I will be forced to block you. Thank you and best of luck."
His response was "Rofl"... Somehow I don't think spelling it out for him worked either and he will probably try again shortly... at which point I will be forced to go ahead and block him on the site and via the Sprint site for my phone which they have made so convenient.
I'm at a loss. I don't really feel like dealing with skeezy players who are just looking for a hookup and I DEFINITELY don't feel like dealing with anymore dudes like Mr. Desperate Soon-to-be-Blocked Psycho Stalker. I truly believe the normal guys have probably all gotten tired of this site too and gone back to the old way. But the old way sucks too. Where do you go? I don't want to meet the love of my life in a fucking bar. I go to church and it's all couples. I don't even think they have church singles mixers anymore. My friend Jeannie suggested one of those singles fun and activity adventure groups which sounds like fun but I can't find one near me where the members don't look super tragic. My mom suggested eHarmony which I actually haven't tried but I hear they hoodwink you on the matches. She said she would pay for whatever. She wants me to be happy and she also wants some grandkids so she's starting to get her serious Yenta on.. which I appreciate and am actually OK with.
Saturday when I was out with my mom we went to Michael's down the street from my house so she could load up on arts and crafts stuff. I had to go to the ladies' room. When I came out there was this hot guy standing in the line for Framing. His jaw dropped a little and he stared at me like I was some supreme vision of loveliness moving past him in slow motion. I looked back at him with a look on my face like "DAAAAAYYYYYYUUUUUMMMMM!!!!" I didn't know what to do though so I just kept walking. Maybe I should've smiled at him or something instead of trying to be subtle and play it cool. I think sometimes I play it too cool to my own detriment. I found my mom and I told her all about it. Then I saw him again when he was in the checkout line next to me and my mom. I was like, "That's him." I should've just walked up to him instead of being a chickenshit. It's been 4 days and for some reason I'm still stuck on it. He could've been my soulmate or at least a nice guy with some potential for a healthy, stable, long-term relationship. But then again if he's going to hardcore check me out the way he did, he should've chased me down and said something. My mom wouldn't have cared. She'd have probably helped his cause. We could've fell in love at first sight, gotten married, and had like a gazillion babies. I could see myself still wanting a piece of that and mauling him when I'm 80. THAT's how hot this guy was. I'm tellin ya. It could happen. They make movies about this shit.
Later that day I looked at Match.com, which I was on previously and didn't like. They want to charge you $120 for 6 months at like $20.99 per month. That is a lot of money. My mom is trying to offer it up but I told her to save it. I said to her, "You know what's free and probably way more effective? Growing a pair and walking up to the super cute guy who is staring at me at fucking Michael's and being like 'Hi I'm Niki'!" The moral of the story today ladies and gentleman is that we ALL need to grow a pair. It's time to stop hiding behind our technology and liquor and start approaching people like they did in the olden days before they had all this shit. Ya know what the only singles age group having any luck at finding love is? The fucking Baby Boomer divorcees and widowed people! They have balls and they go out and have a ball. They were dating long before we all had computers and cell phones and the internet so they did all this shit the old-fashioned way and it worked for them. It would work for us too if only we tried it. So the next time you see somebody cute checking you out who you also think is cute, walk up to them and talk to them. The worse that could happen is they'll say thanks but no thanks. The best thing that could happen is you end up meeting that special someone in a grocery store or Walmart or at fucking Michael's.
P.S. If by some random miraculous coincidence you are out there reading this post hot guy who was in the Framing line at Michael's in Fair Lakes this past Saturday afternoon which would've been 4/27/2013, then you should hit me up at AskMissSlik@gmail.com and introduce yourself so we can go for coffee or something.
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