Miss Slik's Guide to Job Searching in the OH-20...

So, as I mentioned yesterday, I'm in the midst of pounding the proverbial pavement to find a new day job. 

I just left a job that I was at for the majority of my adult working life. I got hired there as a bright-eyed, emerald green AF, wet behind the ears 24 year old girl... So full of all the world's hopes and dreams and excitement.. Then the place I worked at for 11 and a half years systematically killed all that. Now I'm a jaded, run down, disillusioned woman on the wrong side of my mid-30's... But with experience working for a large nonprofit.

I feel like Pam from The Office when she has to find a new job because Jim wants to relocate to Pittsburgh or Philly or wherever they ended up moving. Remember that scene where she shows her resume and it's tiny because she's only ever worked 2 jobs in her life and they were both for Dunder Mifflin? Yeah, that's kinda me and where I'm at.

https://www.reddit.com/r/DunderMifflin/comments/6vvu8j/applying_to_jobs_right_now_and_i_think_pam_said/

My resume definitely has a bit more to it though. I have my education section about my 2 degrees, a BA from GMU and an Associate's from NVCC, both with solid GPA's and some academic accomplishments. Plus I also took almost every course in the Harvard Management Mentor Series and did well on those too.

Then I've got my Employment History... Obviously my nonprofit day job is first.. Then I've got my blog writing stuff because it's relevant to the type of jobs I'm looking for now. After that is my NM550 Productions stuff when I did all those Miss Slik's DJ Dance Party events.. which is relevant too because it was an actual business I actually started and ran with employees I had to pay.. A business that I made enough money from I had to file proper tax return forms and whatnot. So it's actually legit experience that shows I'm creative and entrepreneurial and know how to handle a staff of people that I hired, trained, and managed.

After that, I've got a list of all my special skills and talents and various computer things I'm proficient at using along with the link to my online portfolio I made of my writing samples. If you want to view it btw, here is my Online Portfolio.

Cindy... Y'all remember Cindy right? Yeah ya do.. She's the best and is a mommy now and doing well.. So everybody send her some love.. She's also still my personal manager of all things life-related and she gave my portfolio a big thumbs up and like 5 or 6 clapping hands emojis.. And she especially loved my profile pic.. Because she's the one who took it. But you know if Cindy approves then it must be dope as her taste is super fancy and flawless. So check it out.

Anyway, my resume is respectable and looks mad professional... and it should.. Because I had to learn how to write all different kinds of resumes for one of my Comm classes when I got that degree from GMU.. and I got A+++ on all that stuff and Dean's List because I write dope resumes. I also help people with their resumes BTW FYI.. So if you need some help with that.. And if you'd like to pay me a fee for that since I need some income right now.. Then let's chat and I'll see what I can do for you. My last client found a new job within like 2 weeks thanks to the revamping I did on her resume. I have a dope track record... Maybe this should be my new job. Idk.

But yeah.. moving on...

I also spent yesterday crafting some beautifully worded cover letters to include with my dope resume. I put in some good stuff.. Like about all the aforementioned things about me.. How I'm looking for a new career and I'm interested in said job I'm writing them about.. Plus my Mensa level abstract reasoning skills since that makes me one of the best problem solvers in the world.. which us actually true... For real.. Right here.. Me.. In the World's Top 4% of Best People at Solving Problems and Thinking Abstractly.. I have the test from the Behavioral Psychologist to prove it. You got a problem? Come to me and you won't anymore.

So I have all of that.. And I'm sending it out to people and places.. And I'm getting the confirmations that my submissions went through... And I'm all excited just knowing that I got this... And I just know these people are going to jump at my awesomeness and call me any minute now.... And.... CRICKETS.

CRICKETS.

CRICKETS.

MORE CRICKETS.

I haven't gotten like one phone call yet.

I know my phone works. I just paid the bill with what little money I have left.

WTF yo?!?! Are they shy? Maybe they're trying not to seem too eager? Playing hard to get? Why don't they want me? I don't understand.

Beyond that, I've submitted resumes to like every major staffing agency in the area and that hasn't done much for me yet either.. which is shocking.. Cause that's like the whole point of why they exist.. For people like me to be helped by them to find a new job.. Like that's how they make their money.. And I'm a good candidate for jobs.. So what's going on here?

Back in the day it was so different.. All I had to do was post my resume on Monster and apply for one job.. And then my phone would straight blow up non freaking stop with calls from recruiters. I'd have interviews lined up with said recruiters and having discussions about what I do and don't want and making decisions and turning down those bottom rung jobs while they sort out the good jobs that I really want.

But that's not happening.. I can't get the people at Robert Half to call me back. 

I really don't understand. 

I'm even up at 6am people.. Like early bird hunting for the worms so I can get them. I'm doing productive activities like working out on my new rowing machine (which is dope btw and I'll do a blog post on it because you need one)..  and also restarting my blog... which I'd say is professionally productive. 

And my post yesterday has already been read by like 30 people.. And I got a really epic fan message from a chick named Stephanie who has messaged me before.. and is probably MSG2L's #1 Fan.. So let's all show her some love for all her support she gives. 

But clearly, I don't totally suck at life and 30 people care enough about me and my writing to read it when it comes at them out of the blue... And thank you to those 29 other people out there who aren't Stephanie. All the love to you too. I'll love you even more if you each tell one or 2 people you know about my blog and that they should read it.. Or even share the Facebook page posts about the articles and/or the blog on your InstaSnapTweetBooks.. Cause that would really help and be super great.

Maybe if I build up enough random buzz about myself right now then I can get the attention of these companies I'm trying to get to hire me for a day job... Viral internet sensations probably have easy times finding jobs right? Considering I'm looking for PR and Marketing jobs, it would definitely prove my capability.

So let's do this my people... I'm going to marinate on a plan to become Overnight Internet Famous and then you all are going to help make it happen by sharing it everywhere. Deal? Ok. Deal. It's on.

#SlikSquadGoals 

Who the Fuck is this Bottom-Feeding Losery Stalker Groupie Douche?!?

So apparently I did not get the memo that today is National Act Like a Douchey Fucktard Toward Niki Slik Day.. I'm already dealing with some other bullshit and this wackass fucker decides to stalk my semi-abandoned DJ profile and post comments that, while I find amusing, are just extra.

The first one was this below.. which I'm not mad at. In fact, I take it as a compliment. I am fine as fuck and I know lots of dudes who'd love to get up in my ass because I have a nice ass. However, it is somewhat inappropriate to post on my DJ page. If you're really trying to get it, that is something you should privately message me about. Just sayin.

However, the second comment he made several minutes later was what made me be like What. The. Fuck? I deleted if off my page and then kicked myself for not screen-shotting it first. But thank God for email that even includes pics. Nothing you post on the internet is ever really gone.

Technically, he's not wrong... It's just that any time prior to today when a dude has called me something like that, it's typically been behind closed doors while I had a mouthful of their cock and was meant in a much more loving, encouraging way. I tend to call them thoroughly degrading names as well while they return the favor... also out of love and encouragement because dudes like that shit. It's all in good fun.

 For real though, can't I be both an iconic social figure and a dick-slurping whore? I consider myself both and I don't think that's a bad thing. A lot of men would find that awesome and it explains why I'm such a catch. What dude can't appreciate a multi-talented woman with a massive love of giant D? Any dude who has been on the receiving end of my fellatio seems to love that about me.

I'm pretty sure dick-slurping whore is actually listed among my many credentials. If not, I'll take that oversight under advisement. But obviously this talent and fondness is more of a recreational past time than one I've used for business purposes to advance my music career. I do kick myself for not being more of a dick-slurping whore in the rave/club scene though because I'd probably be a super famous world-touring DJ and producer by now if I had been... or at least a lot further along than I am.

Anyway, here is this dumb fucker's Facebook profile...

He's actually somewhat tragic looking with bad skin, kind of a jacked face, and an outdated emo haircut.

I'm just trying to figure out who this dude is and why he felt the need to internet stalk my DJ page to make comments. Clearly I must be an iconic social figure who has truly reached at least D-Level celebrity status to necessitate stalker groupie activity. 

 It's pretty obvious he has a small penis. I'm wondering if maybe I refused to slurp his dick based on the inadequacy of his endowment and laughed in his face while I was drunk because he asked me if it was big enough for me like he expected it was the biggest dick I've ever seen (like the Mayor of Titty City) or something thus offending him to the point he felt the need to stalk my page and embarrass me I guess. I'm actually trying to be better about that.

It seems further investigation is required so I will be tagging the 2 mutual friends I share with this random, small-dicked loser fan to see if they can perhaps shed some light on what this dude's major malfunction might be. Funny thing is, I'm not exactly sure how I know both of them either.