Here is yet another dude whom I would suggest avoiding or further subjecting to public scrutiny... Meet Colin S. Black aka Pusha C the Man Who Needs a Shirt...
Here is his Tinder profile...
See what I mean.. This dude is only wearing a shirt in 2 out of 6 pics. He's definitely nice to look at though and as I said in More Adventures in Dating Douchebags... Meet the Dumbass Who Definitely Should've Known Better he can actually get away with posting shirtless pics since he does have a stomach I could do my laundry on. But one or 2 shirtless pics is sufficient. The majority of your pics should be of you in clothes.
So I ran across this dude and swiped right because he was pretty to look at. He messaged me...
I'll admit that "unique beauty" thing was good.
So over the next like week and a half, I was sporadically on Tinder to check my messages and swipe while I was bored because things weren't really progressing with Mr. Dreamy... who, by the way, probably won't be discussed in any further posts.. at least not favorably... The dreamy bloom of that rose has worn off and become a nightmare since he has pissed me off by blowing me off while I was, of all things, trying to attempt to sort things out and make plans to see him to give him money for my friends' presale tickets for his show he invited me to which I don't really see myself attending anymore. Even if we're just being friends this blowing me off shit still isn't even remotely cool and shows a lack of respect and consideration. Clearly, I am not the chick you want to do that to because I obviously don't take kindly to that sort of dickheadish behavior.
So I'll be buying my own 7-Eleven with my J.K. Rowling writing money and realizing my Infinite Slurpee Dream without his help and I will make sure the staff have explicit instructions not to sell him any burritos.. Because burritos are for people I like who treat me nicely when I'm spending my time and energy doing stuff like hitting up people in charge of said show about policies and making sure I'm legit with press credentials and shit so I can write nice articles about their bands.
Anyway.. Bygones.. Back to the story...
During that time, Pusha C asked me out for drinks like 4-5 times. I kept saying "Sure" and then dropping the ball. Then last Thursday, I finally picked the ball up and he asked me out again so I gave him my number. We texted and made plans to meet up for drinks the next night at my Friday night karaoke spot.
He asked me for pics so I added him on Facebook.. which is how I know his full name... Pretty sure the S stands for Sucker. Dude proceeded to go check out my profile and kept texting his thoughts on like every fucking pic on my profile. I didn't really check out his profile at that point because I was tired and ready to go to bed so I figured I'd do that later.
Well, I'm bored at work the next day and haven't heard from Pusha C to confirm plans yet. I go look at his Facebook profile to check it out and find that this fucker has defriended me! I'm like "What. The. Fuck?!" The only reason I could think of that would explain him doing this shit was because he saw my Dating Douchebags posts I shared on my profile and thought he was next... Turns out he is.. But if that was the case he could have at least said something about it.
Here is his Facebook profile btw...
After seeing the defriending, I texted him like everything is cool and asked, "So are we still on for tonight?". I got no response to my text. I was only meh about this guy to begin with but being defriended and blown off definitely made me feel like a loser. I couldn't even make any other plans because it was like 6:00pm and everyone else was already committed to their own plans. I ended up kicking it at home with Felicity watching Grimm and passing out on my couch early... well, and exchanging some sexy texts with a certain close gentleman friend whom I've known for a few years now... Who you ask?
The Christian Grey of my life has returned! We started talking again earlier last week when I noticed some troubling Facebook posts and checked in on him. Turns out he is once again single and still about it. So now he's coming to visit me in a few weeks... and bringing the Red Room of Pain with him. I cannot think of a more awesome way to end what will be a verging on 7 month dry spell by then.
He is the man I used to run to when other men disappointed me and made me feel shitty because he always makes everything better. He gorgeously scrumptious to look at, smart, funny, extremely well endowed and appreciates me and gets me in ways most people don't because we are very similar people. Thank God he is there once more to pick me up and pull me out from my loser misery cloud of shit I seem to find myself in so often. How I missed his charming wit and all those artistic dick pictures. Yeah, he puts all kinds of filters, uses props to scale, and even makes me erotic collages. He's the best ♡. Fellas, take a tip and send some stuff like that to your ladies. I guarantee you they will go bananas and give you that good porn star loving.
Anyway, as much as I'd like to go on about that because I could all day... Again.. Bygones.. Back to the story...
So I woke up a bit later that night to these texts from Pusha C at 2:41am that I waited until the next morning, which would be last Saturday, to respond to...
Yeah, no fucking way. If a dude blows me off for plans, then 9 times out of 10 I won't make plans with him ever again because he's already demonstrated that he is unreliable and has no consideration or respect for me and my time. Also, that "careless finger pressing" is bullshit. You have to go through a process to defriend somebody on Facebook so it had to be intentional.
Well, next thing I know, my phone is ringing and it's Pusha C. So I answered and here is where shit gets ridiculous. Dude apologized again about the defriending on Facebook. I'm like "Dude, I don't know you and you don't know me. I have no reason to believe you and you have to appreciate the fact that I have a shitty track record when it comes to men because I am a douchebag magnet.. like so much so that I have a segment on my blog about it because I've met soooo many douchebag assholes that I had to turn it into entertainment and laugh at it so I didn't feel like a loser." He asked me "Wait, are you calling me a douchebag?" If the shoe fits dude. If the shoe fits.
I also said that his careless finger pressing still doesn't explain why he blew me off for the plans it was his idea to make in the first place that he persisted in making several times. This fool then apologizes for that too and tells me the reason he blew me off is because he went to happy hour and got blackout drunk and that he doesn't remember anything from about 5:00pm Friday night through waking up on Saturday morning.
Now ya'll know I can't really be too super judgey about him getting that drunk because, as you'll recall from my post Whahappin During My World of Drum and Bass Adventure?! I went into blackout mode myself a couple weeks ago. But, actually I can be judgey and here is why...
When I got blackout drunk, I was with the people with whom I had plans and they were fucked up too so I didn't blow anybody off. Plus, if you have plans to meet up with somebody for a date then it's not a good look to be showing up wasted anyway so it's probably not the best idea to do happy hour.. Why not go home and get fresh?
Also, I only have a couple fuzzy hours in there that I don't remember from about 3:00am on. This dude was out for the count for his entire Friday night.. which raises some serious red flags for me. Finally, getting blackout drunk is typically not something I'd lead with when trying to impress somebody I want to date... nor is it a good excuse to use for standing that person up.
But wait... It gets even better.
Pusha C somehow thinks that his apology has sufficed and asks me to have drinks with him. I told him I was busy and had stuff to do on my Saturday and then my boys' hip hop show to go to that night.. which we will get into in Part 2 since this is a double post week.. YaY!
Now during this conversation, I'm sniffling the whole time because I'm a nerd with bad allergies and it's Spring. I had actually just used my allergy nasal spray so I was having some snotty, post nasal drip issues. I also happened to be sitting outside smoking a cigarette so I guess he heard me inhaling and breathing out the smoke. This is when dude asks me if I'm high.
I told him I was stone cold sober and about the allergy sniffles and shit and he just absolutely refuses to believe me and insists I must be smoking weed and says my voice even sounds like that of a stoned person. I'm like "Dude, I'm just fucking mellow right now." He tells me, "It's totally cool. It's legal in DC and I smoke weed too." I'm like, "That's cool. But I'm seriously not high. If I was I would tell you."
He seems to finally kind of accept that I'm telling the truth. So then this dumbass tells me he has some weed and invites me over to his place to come smoke with him. I'm sitting there in fucking amazement like, did this dude I don't know and have never met in person in life ever just invite me over to his house to do drugs on a fucking Saturday morning?!?
This is exactly how serial killer rapists lure in girls to do all that fucked up shit to them, kill them, and then stash their bodies. Now I'm not saying this guy is like that.. But since he's some strange dude I met off the internet, there is no way of knowing this for sure and I'm not exactly trying to find out. I definitely advise that for your own safety and well being you should NEVER EVER go over to the home of anyone you meet off the internet before you've met them in person in a public place and established that they are not psycho.
So I, of course, refuse this because I don't want to do drugs.. especially not with this guy.. nor do I want to end up on the news because police found my dead, mutilated body in a field somewhere or washed up on the shore of the Potomac. Remember all those after school specials you watched as a kid with D.A.R.E. and McGruff the Crime Dog and just say NO people... JUST SAY NO!
Well Pusha C still wants to have drinks with me and meet me and is trying to sweet talk me. I told him I'd think about it. He's like "I really want to meet you" and telling me I'm hot and sexy and shit and that he wants to see me in my naughty Santa outfit and rip it off me.
He's referring to this picture from both my Facebook and Tinder profiles...
Yeah, I know. I am hot and sexy *brushes pimp dust off shoulders*
I told him, "First, no one is ripping that thing off me because it's expensive." So he replaces rip with "delicately remove". "Second, if you want that then you need to put in work and come correct because I don't let just anybody do that shit." He says he wants to put in that work... and then this fucker dares to ask me to send him a fucking naked picture of myself to beat off too! I tell him no fucking way. I'm not sending naked pictures to some douchey stranger. So he offers to send me one in return.. like that's going to make a difference. I told him not to do that because I didn't really want to see this fool naked.
I'm like, "Instead of focusing on my body and trying to get me naked and shit, why not try focusing on my brain instead? I actually have a pretty nice one." So that's when he starts saying all this shit about me being the total package and I'm like "You're damn right I am." He continued on and this is when I start thinking I just really need to get off the phone with this jackass. So I say some placating bullshit and then I end the conversation. Then I just sat there in amazement because that entire thing was fucking surreal.
Fellas, here is yet another example of what not to do. I feel like not getting blackout drunk and blowing chicks off when you have date plans, accusing chicks of being high when you don't know them, then offering them drugs.. when you don't know them, and then propositioning them for naked pics.. Again.. when you don't know them should have already just been an understood thing. But if you didn't know or needed clarification then now you have it. For real, that dude is 30 years old. If you're 30 years old you should know that shit by now.
Ladies, this guy is still out there cruising so if his profile comes up then do yourselves a favor and swipe left. You really don't need any of that in your life... And if he offers you drugs then JUST SAY NO! Do not go over to his house because you may potentially end up on the news when you're found in a ditch.
Finally, everyone.. Please cross your fingers for me and hope that there is not another installment of Dating Douchebags next week because your girl seriously needs a break from this shit.
No comments:
Post a Comment