Miss Slik Would Be a Slutty CSW for the Head of Rothchild...

Just in case you didn't know, my new little crush is Jake Komara aka Reed Rothchild. I had some very lovely chats with him whilst discussing Stalker Neil and I've been feeling all 12 year old Tiger Beat Teenybopper ever since... especially because I managed to confirm that he is single. Game fucking on...

And cue Marvin Gaye as I attempt to publicly put the moves on Jake via the interwebz...

You know what I love about this picture? He's so relaxed in this "Come hither girl" sort of pose.. You know what they say about DJ's right? They're good with their hands. 

It's actually this pic of him grilling the CDJ that did it for me though. I really do need a towel to wipe my leg every time I look at it...

I'd let him scoop me in a hearse too. It's different... very Adam's Family meets rap video since it's white... Could be hot in a semi-morbid way to get it on in one... provided there were no coffins with actual corpses in the back of course.

This one is also very scrumptious. I'm diggin the gun tattoos. Obviously as a gun owner I tend to dig gun-related things.. except crime because that is bad. (Correction: I was informed the morning of 8/21/13 by my Facebook friend Alan that those are actually bacon tattoos. I like that better because I heart bacon. It adds to Jake's scrumptiousness factor.)

He changed his hairstyle recently and now he looks sort of like Eminem. For some reason though the Real Slim Shady still does it for me in a major way. 

Sadly, he ended his blog HOR a couple weeks ago. I have invited him to guest on my blog though any time he feels the inclination to write again. Hopefully he will take me up on it. In the meantime, let's see if this post gets him to come down to Virginia. 

He's got a thing for Uncle Julio's Rio Grande. Y'all know Mexican food is my jam and I moved to this location 5 years ago specifically because of its proximity to Rio Grande in psychic anticipation of this situation. I'm trying to get him to take me out for some pork tamales. It needs to happen. 

Keep Your Property of HOR Stickers Off Miss Slik's Bitches

So as I mentioned previously in Happy Monday Theme Songs For Your House Party Hangover! I attended a house party this weekend for my boy Max's birthday. Shout outs, Birthday wishes, and also many thanks for hospitality go out to Maximus Decimus Awesomus. 

Now let this be a lesson to you NEVER to fall asleep at any events which I am attending because I CAN AND WILL FUCK WITH YOU. This dude fell asleep in the basement so I decorated him with Christmas lights because I felt like he did not look quite festive enough...

I then posed with my handiwork in true scandalous booty ho fashion as everyone pulled out their cellphones and flashes went off in the dark like I was surrounded by paparazzi. I got tons of high fives for the rest of the night.

Well, I stepped back and began taking pictures whilst admiring my unsuspecting victim when someone had the nerve to put a Property of HOR sticker on him. 

*GASP* What an outrage?!? Hold up, wait a minute! In the words of Honey Boo Boo, you better redneckognize!

I said "Do I look like Jake Komara to you dude?!? I'll thank you to get that HOR sticker off my victim. He is Miss Slik's Bitch not Property of HOR!" He laughed and took the sticker off. 

Now y'all know I heart me some Jake Komara. He is my favorite little piece of scrumptious hotness and teen dream TigerBeat fantasy. 

However... From henceforth the distinction must be made that if I'm the one putting Christmas lights on a person and doing mean things to them for my own personal amusement whilst they sleep then their ass is mine. They have officially been claimed as royal property of my Queendom and not that of the Republic. I guess I will have to invest in stickers of my own so people will know just who is responsible. But until then, get it right or become blog fodder.

This has been a royal decree courtesy of H.R.M. Queen of Fairfax Miss Niki Slik. YaY for me! Woe to the Republic.