So YAY for me!!! It's been EIGHT WHOLE FREAKING WEEKS since I quit smoking! I'm super shallow and I was starting to get those nasty lines on my face so I decided my vanity was more important. My health and money were also important factors along with my love life because apparently a lot of health conscious dudes don't like dating smokers.
Honestly, it was the best decision I've ever made and I wish I'd have made it a lot sooner. I'm much happier now. My neck hasn't been hurting like before, probably because I'm not hacking up my internal organs all the time. I'm not having a hard time with my sinuses and allergies now that allergy season is in full effect. I've been working out more. My blood pressure is going down. My follow through has also improved. Things are great at work too. My boss is really proud of me and I'm going for a promotion at the moment. I'm basically kicking ass and taking names like it's my job. There are about 500 more awesome things that are better. I have sooooooooo much freaking energy now I don't even know what to do with it all... Hence starting this blog.
There is only one thing that has suffered in all this... My word game friends are shitting themselves and totally pissed off at me because I've pretty much stopped playing all games on my phone. I just don't have the head space for it anymore and I'm usually never sitting down or standing still long enough to play. When I'm sitting down I'm generally talking to you all fine interwebs people about my life.
OK... So how have I managed to quit? Well, this is my fourth quit attempt.. One, Two, Three, Fourth... Fourth Attempt. This time I'm not doing it cold turkey. I'm using the nicotine patches. Fortunately my health and wellness benefit reimbursed me for my first 2 boxes of patches and then my health insurance company has also sent me enough free patches to aid the entire nation of France to quit smoking. So basically, I have quit smoking for FREE.
My health insurance company's smoking cessation program not only comes with free patches but also a little phone support system. I have a Health Education Coach who answers all my questions about my diet and fitness goals since that has been my main plan for how I intend to stay a non-smoker. I also have a Behavioral Coach to help me with my triggers like my anxiety. They call me every week and we chat to make sure I'm still on track and motivated.
Now here is where I have a problem... I have been waiting for 8 FUCKING WEEKS for a miniature version of Rare Earth to pop out and start singing "I Just Want To Celebrate" to me.. So far it hasn't happened yet. I've had to sing the song to my damn self. Fuck you mini-Rare Earth. This is some blatant false advertising on the part of Nicoderm CQ.
Rare Earth - I Just Want To Celebrate
Well, I was getting ready for work today and had this song stuck in my head...
Prodigy - Firestarter
It occurred to me that this is probably a more appropriate mantra/theme song than Rare Earth because I've been crazy energetic and borderline aggro since I quit smoking... particularly when I've forgotten to put on my patches. I'm guilty of making those same spastic movements in public that whatshisface does in the video.
SO, I've had this lighting flash stroke of genius about starting my own Anti-Smoking Campaign based on this song that will rival those lame TRUTH commercials... which fucking annoy me like no other. It is from henceforth referred to as the Super Slik Stop Smoking Campaign.
The first tagline is "I'm not a smoker. I'm a FIRESTARTER." because once you quit smoking you're going to start doing A LOT more shit with your life instead of smoking. True Story. Now, I know it sounds a little cheesy. However, it kind of has to be because it needs to have that semi-lame mass appeal feel to it. That's how you get the kids on the bandwagon and we want the kids on that bandwagon because smoking is BAD. Remember that the goal is to gently but firmly ingrain that in their heads by brainwashing them with anti-smoking campaigns such as this one.
The second tagline is "Fuck TRUTH!" because their ads only make you want to roll your eyes and change the channel. I don't think they have resulted in a single person going, "Oh my God, that wack band I've never heard of and would never listen to saying smoking is uncool has totally convinced me that I want to quit smoking!" *Makes Leslie Chow jacking off dice rolling hand gestures*
If my Super Slik Stop Smoking Campaign ever builds enough momentum to have commercials then I'd have a mini-version of The Prodigy singing Firestarter while an aggro, energetic person jumps around spastically in a public place because he or she is excited about not giving in to smoking a cigarette like "Fuck you nasty cancer sticks! You don't own me! I'm a Firestarter! BOOM!" It would have to get big pretty quick though so people won't misunderstand that and freak out and call the cops thinking there is a pyromaniac arsonist about to hurt them or something the day this theoretic commercial is filmed.
The fact that I'm coming up with things like this is a testament to where my head has been in the past 8 weeks though. Don't be surprised if this soon becomes a reality on your TV that has your tweens and teenagers calling themselves Firestarters and cursing and reviving old Prodigy songs from the 90's like this gem...
Prodigy - Smack My Bitch Up (Uncensored Original Video Banned From MTV)
Prodigy - Smack My Bitch Up (Still Explicit version of the song but with less boobs and puking)
If they do end up using a rack of 4 letter words that make even you blush and result in them getting detention a few times because they are quoting slogans of the Super Slik Stop Smoking Campaign, look at it this way... What would you rather them do? Swear like sailors or smoke like chimneys? As far as I know, the overuse of curse words has never resulted in cancer or emphysema. There is your TRUTH. This has been a PSA courtesy of H.R.M. Queen of Fairfax Miss Niki Slik.. WOE to the Fucking Republic!
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